matt will save your life

i'm the one, fuck yeah, and i'm scoring the night outside your bedroom eyes, you've got a naked mind, and you don't.

spot on

“We live in an age where we feel guilt whenever we have to cut someone off but the reality is that some relationships do need to die, some people do need to be unfollowed and defriended. We aren’t meant to be this tethered to the people in our past. The Internet mandates that we don’t burn bridges and keep everyone around like relics but those expectations are unrealistic and unhealthy. Simply put, we don’t need to know what everyone else is up to. We’re allowed to be choosy about who we surround ourselves with online and in real life, even if it might hurt people’s feelings.”

Fartface Shit McPoop, MD

there are no good doctors left. good doctors are being hired by millionaires and athletes and tv personalities. the ones left for us are obliviously shit doctors.

never fall asleep again

Your life is changing in small, important ways every day. The structure is no longer holding, no longer able to stay glued together, so certain things are having to leave you when you’re asleep. They’re so quiet, so considerate when they abandon you, that I bet you don’t even notice.


They call this growing up, or something similar to it. You wake up on a Saturday morning and realize everything has become unrecognizable to you. The gauze has been lifted! When did this happen? Oh right, when you were sleeping. They came in at night and started to peel things away from you like an orange. They were careful not to cut the center, they were careful not to let any juice drip on the bedspread your mother bought for you. They wanted your life to look familiar to you, didn’t want to shock you completely, so they kept some things intact. Some things, not everything. Guess what’s gone? Wrong. Guess again.


You woke up on a Saturday and came to the sudden realization that you were all alone, that everything you had surrounded yourself with Monday through Friday, all the happy hours and all the business lunches and all those technological noises you drenched your earbuds in: it all added up to zero. You feel like a fool, don’t you? You played the game like everyone asked you to and still managed get to this place of complete and utter loneliness and alienation. Where did you go wrong? Do you need to send another text message to someone? Do you need to pay another credit card off or have another Great Night Out? What can you do to feel more connected to the things around you?


On Friday night, everyone was right next to you. There was Olivia and Taylor and Ethan and Josh and Michael and Sarah, and they were all here by your side laughing and drinking and taking pictures. No one left till the morning and you went to bed just as the sun was hitting your eyes. When you woke up, it was three p.m. and already dark out. You found out that, while you were sleeping, Josh married Olivia and they moved to the country somewhere. Sarah went to grad school and had a baby in New Hampshire. She’s gone. She wrote the last chapter of her book and she’ll never be relevant to you again. You wonder what happened to Michael. Well, let’s see. You loved Michael more than what was good for you and after sleeping with him for five years, it fell down like a game of cards. You don’t have the right to speak to him anymore. You lost it when you lost him. Say good-bye to that. Ethan is living in Portland and makes annoying Facebook updates about his life as a mountain climber and Taylor became a heroin addict. Just kidding! She writes books about organic farming.


How did this all happen when you were sleeping? How did you manage to sleep through all of these events? You were asleep and now you’re awake but it’s too late. Everyone else already went to bed and now you’re just alone and awake on a Saturday morning and that’s it. This is it. Never fall asleep again.



https://thoughtcatalog.com/ryan-oconnell/2016/02/dont-wake-up-alone-on-a-saturday-morning/

Ryan O’Connell

All my friends are turning thirty and they’re getting married in backyards and at wineries in Santa Barbara and people are giving toasts and crying and I’m trying to cry too, but mostly because marriage means change and it means life is just turning into a series of vignettes, a few pops of Major Events before the ultimate nothing. You can see it now, the crostini you’re nibbling on at the wedding, and then the pita bread you’re dipping in hummus at the baby shower and then the pretzels you’ll be eating alone while you catch up on the phone about how crazy your lives are and yes, we need to see each other soon, girls weekend, reconnect, sounds great, talk to you in eight months.

All my friends are turning thirty and they have decent amounts of money, which allow them to eat $16 heirloom tomato salads once a week, even though no one can afford a house and maybe they never can and that’s okay, sure, sure, it’s fine but wait, I’m sorry, will we ever retire, just kidding, don’t tell me, I want to be surprised on my deathbed.

All my friends are turning thirty and their lives are getting busier and smaller and all the clichés of a year going by in what feels like a second are true and I wish it wasn’t, I really, really do. Because it means that everyone was right about everything.

All my friends are turning thirty and they’re happier than they’ve ever been and if they’re not, they hide it pretty fucking well or, at the very least, wait to have three glasses of wine before they start talking about this permanent low-grade sadness they’ve been experiencing. There’s no culprit, no asshole boyfriend or terrible job to pinpoint the blame on. It’s just called “paying attention” and it will probably be this way forever and I guess this is just how people feel and no one ever talks about it???? Like, you’re happy, you’re stable, you stopped destroying yourself, but just because YOU got better doesn’t mean LIFE got better.

All my friends are turning thirty and their parents are turning sixty, sixty-five, and their brains are getting slightly dulled, the mid-afternoon rests are getting more frequent and you know, without a doubt now, that they are going to die, which makes you understand a little bit more why people choose to have families of their own, so that when their parents die, they have something of their own to hold on to and give them purpose. You get it, you get it, you get it, so should you just start having kids now and tell them when they get older, “Hi, I had you so life could make a little bit more sense for me, sorry.” Or is that too cruel?

All my friends are turning thirty and they look good. Their faces are lived in now, they’ve been paying rent on them for probably four years now, and they look mature without looking fried. They’re going to look at pictures of themselves from this time and be like, “Wow I was hot. I hope I knew how hot I was.” But, of course, you never really know anything until you’re forced to live with something different. (Think about this for a second, then quickly unthink it: One day, your child is going to post a picture of you when you were thirty and their friends are going to comment “omgggg they were such a babe!!!!” and you will see it and feel very sad and old. Ugh. If that doesn’t just send a shiver up your (still) sexy and young spine, I don’t know what will.)

All my friends are turning thirty and they love to say the word “no” and they love knowing that they’ll never have to go to something as meaningless as an acquaintance’s housewarming party ever again and they love talking about all the bad things they used to do because it allows them to quietly brag about their own progress. They find comfort in being “boring”, in no longer throwing up in stranger’s toilets or giving their heart to a dick with a great dick. They surprise themselves less but that’s okay. The surprises were never that good anyway.



https://thoughtcatalog.com/ryan-oconnell/2016/10/all-my-friends-are-turning-thirty/

amityville

that's why we don't call it Detroit

gro ohld

stop it, dave. just stop.

uy!

20180322

manuel uy beach

calatagan, batangas

i origins

Red wine and sleeping pills
Help me get back to your arms
Cheap sex and sad films
Help me get where I belong

I think you're crazy, maybe
I think you're crazy, maybe

Stop sending letters
Letters always get burned
It's not like the movies
They fed us on little white lies

I think you're crazy, maybe
I think you're crazy, maybe

I will see you in the next life


Motion Picture Soundtrack
Radiohead

Yuval Noah Harari

“According to Buddhism, the root of suffering is neither the feeling of pain nor of sadness nor even of meaninglessness. Rather, the real root of suffering is this never-ending and pointless pursuit of ephemeral feelings, which causes us to be in a constant state of tension, restlessness and dissatisfaction. Due to this pursuit, the mind is never satisfied. Even when experiencing pleasure, it is not content, because it fears this feeling might soon disappear, and craves that this feeling should stay and intensify. People are liberated from suffering not when they experience this or that fleeting pleasure, but rather when they understand the impermanent nature of all their feelings, and stop craving them. This is the aim of Buddhist meditation practices. In meditation, you are supposed to closely observe your mind and body, witness the ceaseless arising and passing of all your feelings, and realise how pointless it is to pursue them. When the pursuit stops, the mind becomes very relaxed, clear and satisfied. All kinds of feelings go on arising and passing – joy, anger, boredom, lust – but once you stop craving particular feelings, you can just accept them for what they are. You live in the present moment instead of fantasising about what might have been. The resulting serenity is so profound that those who spend their lives in the frenzied pursuit of pleasant feelings can hardly imagine it. It is like a man standing for decades on the seashore, embracing certain ‘good’ waves and trying to prevent them from disintegrating, while simultaneously pushing back ‘bad’ waves to prevent them from getting near him. Day in, day out, the man stands on the beach, driving himself crazy with this fruitless exercise. Eventually, he sits down on the sand and just allows the waves to come and go as they please. How peaceful!”

— Yuval Noah Harari

VàZaki Nada

“Between the person I want to be and the person I am supposed to become I find that I am trapped in between the perfect expectation and the ultimate disappointment and that makes me lose the only person I have at the moment, myself.”

— VàZaki Nada

pigmenting

“I never know how to start things — poems, apologies, conversations, essays, explanations. It’s like I have all these words built up and I can see them stretching out on a highway in front of me but looking down at my feet, I can never figure out how to make that first step. I know how to run but not how to start moving. I feel like I owe miles and miles to so many people, marathons of explanations that are months too late, but I still feel like I’m waiting for someone to say “go”.”
— pigmenting

Björk

“I’m self-sufficient. I spend a lot of time on my own and I shut off quite easily. When I communicate, I communicate 900%, then I shut off, which scares people sometimes.”

— Björk

wala! binenta ko na!

cosmic perspective

"so maybe it is we, who are imprisoned. thinking that our body matters, when in fact, at the end of the day, it's really all about your thoughts, all about your dreams, all about how we react to our life experience in this world and share it with others."

my brain hurts

port

so much tighter

RADIATION

before he passed, he explained something unexplained for centuries with the simplest analogy.

Stephen William Hawking
19420108-20180314


"there is nothing south of the south pole"


plus. he passed away on a pi day.

mars landing