love burn

a night alone
in a place i've never been before
so many strangers in sight
a blessed air to breathe tonight

i sat beside
a stranger i've seen in green
the night is young with air so thin
sweet dirty sweat touched our skin

crash and burn
while my hands barely touched yours
and my eyes chased yours..a tear, such a lovely moist
too shy to think that this night is ours
too afraid to hear a word from your mouth
and there we stayed together
your smiles spelled forever

this heart of mine
a safety companion
and i made you smile with no flowers at all

and as the night had gone cold
and both our names were told
and the looks were now sweet
and my feet got swept away
but your words are so pleasing
from your lips that looked so juicy
with your eyes that shined like jewelry
and as we walked on by
the night suddenly said goodbye
and you waved and smiled
and i almost died
and that's it..that was it..that was it..
that was it..that was it..the beginning..

2006.07.02_61_love burn

===============================

her name was kristoffersen..

sono felice

and my body seeped the coldness of the night
and my fingertips were clung on yours so tight

once again
you've started to slip away
so far..

two days is all i got left
to make a single step

and your smiles
and your eyes
and for your lips
i'd die

you are my only true love
i knew it when i touched your face last night

2006.06.01_60_sono felice

2006.04.25_53-untitled

shattered frozen tears
from thoughts of emptiness
of reality
ashes from fallen years
reluctant to reach my hands
for some comfort

(and) you still have those eyes
and your smile's like a blessing
these pieces seems like
and always seemed like
they'll never fit their own places

stop and watch our might
it took me two dreams at once just to hold you
what would victory look like
when it costs me two dreams at once just to (have you)

a million words have said
under my breath and still
counting
words you'll never hear
coz with your tired wings, you fly
while i'm still here

scream
screaming your absence
just to cover
the impossibility of your presence

...watch your might
it took me two dreams at once just to..

2006.04.25_53

===============================

a double-layered dream about me and barbie in a cabin..

quitter

riding in awe of silence
in search for vast opulence
with his tongue preparing to speak
those words that he practiced over and over again..

he had left the old to give way for the new
forcing life to bend to his favors, his wills,
his thoughts of everything..
left unnoticed were those stories by his mind
which turned his whole self-being into a compulsive liar
he now relies on his walls of denials..

he was glad to have gone that far,
which he later realized he was never really that far
his inconsistency was killing him
and underneath his breath were the truths he unfolds only unto him..

falling short in his so called "wisdom",
all eyes now on him
he untied the knot of his last and only possession
which were all washed away in seconds
and now he found himself immobile by his own falsewords..
his tears turned unworthy and like an enigma cloaked in secrecy said,
"enough of the lies! you're not makin' sense anymore!
never again deny! for it is yourself you now abhor!"
his game was finally over!
my game is now over!

2006.04.24_41_quitter

i won't kill you, i promise..

feels like i'm falling into an abyss of truth
that i am never gonna be with you

your hands are my only salvation
and i cannot believe every situation
i'm rushing down to you
as your door closes on me

and to my disappointment

you never even had tried to relieve
all these, my agonizing uncertainty
inevitably
knocking over my sanity

the fire in your eyes
in charge for your lies
i'm rushing down to you
as your tongue says, "it's over"
it's over!

i, miraculously had fallen back to sleep
from a dreamer's view
you're still within my arm's reach
now i castigate myself from letting everything vanish
nothing's left, except for  promise

a jolt of adrenaline was felt shooting
deep inside my deranged system
i should've never let it happen
i should've never let you come in
so now you're gone

2006.03.24_52_i won't kill you, i promise..

a vampire behind flames

eyes're united with spearheads
so sharp, they almost bled
it's the first time mine met yours
and it will never be over
never

i found you wounded inside
and death, it's your brightest insight
and you're wishing to be saved
blood-drained, you almost gave
it all up

but not to worry
i'm one of your kind
and you're one of mine

reflection
perfection
in a blink, each of us came to cleanse our sins
broken sighs
dark smiles
no worries cause (your / our) stars
are already on (your / our) skin

we're once put behind bars of danger
hands locked, together we conquered
a nightmare from your past is haunting you
they're not supposed to suck your blood
you are!

i was holding flames on my hands
and thought of burning with it forever
but then a silhouette emerged from behind it
it was your face, which now, my world

2005.10.09-10_31_a vampire behind flames

===============================

her name was melody..

i've been hit by a bell

your worth seemed to be bound
to fall down to the ground
which i am
so don't be afraid from them
for i am gonna catch you
always and again

what if the grudge you hold is me?
will you still keep on holding?
you flame on easily
then your glow keeps on burning (in me)

you swing your insides
a lot of times
it's all ok
never look down on you
coz if you are not pretty
then, noone is

i'm not telling you to trust me
but i'll tell you you'll make it through
you'll make it
we're gonna make it
(or maybe / together)
(you'll hate me / we'll hate them)
(then hate me more / we'll hate them all)

confidence is only illusion
it's all inside
it's all inside
it's all inside
you're so mean
i won't bother your dark half
you're so nice
(then) i'll come see for myself
(then) i'll come see for myself
let me come see for myself
let me come..

2005.09.03_28_i've been hit by a bell

===============================

her name was belle..

2005.06.09_21-untitled

you talked to me in an affronting manner
you confronted me with curses
an now you're apologizing
askin' permission to say sorry
i hate it..

you came up to me with tears
taunting me to my sleep
speakin' so soft yet so harsh
displeasingly lookin' at me
i hate it..

how can i forgive you if you won't let me?
i just cannot believe everything
your words are so unlike you
i hate it..

i saved you under the dark
then found you stabbing my back
no one should trust no one
for no one's not a liar..

never left a space for my soul
suffocation, 'til i hit the walls
and now you're apologizing
askin' permission to feel sorry
i hate it..

2005.06.09_21

tears are not enough

the fact of us apart
chokin' me to death so slow
tears are not enough
for me to let you know
that we're so distant
that i cannot reach survivals
shedding tears is no enough
to surprise me with your arrival

now the end is drawing near
i can already feel
that you're in my arms
but is the end of these
the end of us?

been spending my nights
lyin' under the stars' hands
tears are not enough
to purchase one of them
and give it to you
to grab away (your past memories / all jealousies)
coz my mind has been bottled up
with rotten insecurities

we once both cried
afraid of falling apart
but tears are not enough
to break destiny's heart
what we are in now
seems not the love we once knew
coz now our arguments take place
in such different point of view

now i want these to end
but i don't want us to end
i don't want us to end
no i don't

2005.05.07_13_tears are not enough

Krypto

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mga batang hamog

mga kapitbahay ko sa upper west taguig noong 2013.


si gulang
malaking bulas. kumbaga kung lahat kayo grade 3, sya mukang grade 6. dinadaan nya sa laki lahat ng laro. sya ang playing referee sa basketbol. pag sya ang mali, lalakihan lang nya boses nya, tama na sya. napakagulang nya.

si duwag.
sya yung pinakamatapang magumpisa ng away, matapang umasta, sya naman ang laging paiyak. laging pauwi. laging magsusumbong. medyo natuwa ako nung nabaril sya ng pellet gun sa mata.

si boy.
sya yung alanganin ang edad. nasa gitna ng dalawang era. hindi sya pwede bumarkada sa mga binata kasi malamang supot pa sya. kaya sa mga bata na lang sya sumasama. pero iba na trip nya. di na sya masyado nageenjoy sa laro. iba na rin boses nya.

si negrong ngiti.
sya yung kahit maghapon ng taya, masaya pa rin. kahit nagaaway na lahat, nakangiti pa rin. kumbaga walang personalan, laro lang tayo para masaya.

si bongod.
bongod ang tawag sakanya, hindi ko alam kung bakit.pinakamalakas mangasar. hindi napipikon. laging may pangsagot. pag wala na sya maisip, lagi nyang isasagot "eh bakla ka naman". tapos ang usapan. panalo sya. babatukan ka nya pag epal ka. lalabanan nya kahit sino. kahit si gulang. crush nya si sophia. kaso nafriendzone ata sya. aw.

si tanga.
mac pangalan nya. tatanga tanga sya. sa lahat ng laro, may part na hindi nya nagegets agad. mapamahiin sya sa laro. naniniwala sya sa pampamalas. tanga sya. lagi syang pinagtutulungan. siguro kasi tanga sya.

si drew.
pinakamaliit. pero sumasabay sa liksi. pang saling pusa lang yung size nya, pero ayaw nya ng saling pusa. pag nataya sya, gusto nya taya sya. maiiksi ang hakbang pero nagbublurred kasi mabilis.

si batak.
laging pasigaw magsalita. kahit nagtatanong lang. laging may baong isang baldeng mura. batak na batak lagi mga litid sa leeg. PUTANGINA MAGKANO BILI MO SA SHAKE?!

si jude at si jomari.
cool dudes. by the rules kung maglaro. pinagbibigyan yung maliliit. sumasagot pero di palaaway. kalmado lang. naaanalyze nila ng maayos kada laro kaya madalas di sila natataya.

si tahi.
may tahi sya sa kaliwang binti. nabalian siguro ng buto. hindi pantay tumakbo pero lagi pa rin kasali.

si boy hingi.
wag na wag ka magpapakita ng kahit anong kinakain o iniinom mo. hihingan ka nya. ayaw naman magpahiram ng roller blades. gusto nya pausuhin, kaso sya lang meron.

si loner.
minsan mo lang sya makita maglaro. magisa pa. paborito nya pulis pulisan. lagi syang parang may hinahanap na kriminal. laging may dalang baril. minsan tangkay ng kangkong. hindi sya sumasali sa laro ng iba. siguro strict ang parents nya.

si ate.
sya lang yung babaeng hindi nakikipaglaro sa ibang babaeng bata. gusto nya kaldagan na mga laro. hindi ko pa sya nakikitang may tsinelas. hindi ko pa rin sya nakikitang malinis.

si damot.
putangena sa damot. well trained ng 6 footer nyang tsonggong tatay. sya yung pinakamayan. may pinakamalaking bahay. sya yung may ari ng truck na nagagamit nila sa taguan. sya yung may bola. yung may ari ng basketbolan sa poste na hindi ka pwede maglaro pag di sya kasali. pag dalawa ang bola, ayaw nya ng may aagaw sa bola nya. napakadamot ng hinayupak. kumbaga, kung di lang sya may ari ng basketbolan, malamang tablado sya araw araw.

yung iba mga normal na bata lang. minsan madaya. madalas nagsasaya lang. minsan bagong ligo. madalas amoy araw kahit gabi.

TN 2006

"Hun! I'm in GA right now. Talk to you later. Call meeeeeeeeeeeee! Luv u XOXO", says Ms. Tennessee 2006.

His palms were sweating bad as he read the text message sent from the day side of the planet, pressing tightly on his beaten Nokia 3210 so the battery won't fall off. He knew if he called her for atleast 2 minutes, it would cost him his dinner. So he shrugged the guilt off and played the victim instead. And it was the exact moment he subconsciously gave up on something he knew he would never get back nor get the chance ever again. It was the sweetest month of his life, followed by a bitter decade.

30 days of night

there's something ugly about the flawless
deployed telemetries rendered useless
let's not be wary of our insignificance
dear you, trust me, no one can see us

there's something flawless about the ugly
we can be careless of causality
burning bridges of back stories
abnormal levels of unpretentious reality

recognize the pattern
we go where we know
it's not like we're obliged
to wake up tomorrow

i'll let you see what i've seen
before the heavens burn bright
the first rupture of sunbeam
after 30 days of night

this hostility, it seems ethereal
this enormity, stills feels artificial
see how i see, feel how i feel
please drown with me as i run out of fuel

20160905-30 days of night

===============================

she was something..