llub letter

i found your old love letter..it kinda looked like this..


Bullshit,

     Bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit. Bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit, bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit. Bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit. Bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit.

     Bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit. Bullshit..bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit.

     Bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit, bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit, bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit. Bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit. Bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit. Bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit, bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit, bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit, bullshit, bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit.

Bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit.

Bullshit.

BS
Bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit.

123

1. talk to a stranger
2. brutally lie all you want
3. stop talking to a stranger

1. talk to a stranger
2. be painfully honest
3. stranger stops talking to you

===============================

red notes
20140915-2211

feelin' best

i have vague memories that i've been to so many places i couldn't even remember why i was there..

red notes
20120724-2101

cock-roach

it's kinda like your food that you left laying bare on the table for days. still looks good. still smells good. but you just ain't gon' eat it. coz you don't know who or what touched it. a stray cat might've licked it. a cockroach might've peed on it. fucking disgusting.

===============================

red notes
20160331-1520

tagalog translation 101

monkey = unggoy
ape = unggoy
gibbon = unggoy
chimpanzee = unggoy
orangutan = unggoy
gorilla = gorilya/unggoy
baboon = unggoy
bonobo = unggoy
marmoset = unggoy
capuchin = unggoy

beemee up weescotty!

whatever happened to my voice coach / driving instructor..

Gene

"There has to be somebody bigger than you and bigger than me...And I mean this in a spiritual sense, not in a religious sense, there has to be a creator of the universe who stands above the religions that we ourselves create to govern our lives."

Eugene Cernan
19340314-20170116
GEMINI IX
APOLLO 10
APOLLO 17

eat bulagram

Today 2:38 AM

--fuck you

          --wait, what?
          --the fuck did i do?

--fuck you again

          --ok..accepted. but can you try to explain?
          --hey, i don't even know what i did. the fuck.

router

20170108-past midnight
FYI. i was eyeing you even before i knew you were sharing table with my college friend. at the table, i kept myself not too far, close enough for anything. i listened to almost everything everyone was saying. my brain was working triple time looking for any action, reaction, word, glance, anything. then your name slipped out from someone's mouth. got it. stamped it rightaway in my brain. we weren't formally introduced. you left maybe less than an hour after you rejoined the table. i was the only one you didn't say goodbye to, which is logically understandable. i wanted to lend a hand while you went out through the huge window by a chair but i was frozen. then you're out of sight, but definitely not out of mind.

20170108-2235
so it looks like i'm picking it up where i left it off a decade ago..

20170109-0233
wow, that was fast. you already penetrated my dreams..with taal lake on your back.
a 5-second dream with you as the only character.

20170110-0107
gelatinous taste and feeling from tongue to stomach

20170111-2247
and maybe she's an uppitty-better-than-everyone-super-skank

20170112-2101
"it went from a hundred to zero really fast
your ship had burned to char long before it crashed"

20170113-2007
life goes on for them and that thought stops yours. that is completely unfair and worse, you're doing it to yourself.

20170114-0252
"so before our seconds approach it's billionth, let us escape in one fluid motion"

20170115-0006
woken up midsleep and saw that beautiful place you posted. sure enough, seconds after falling back to sleep, i saw it there. it was moving with people in it. curtain of lights swaying through the breeze. inaudible chats of people having the time of their lives. the fuck is happening to me?

20170116-2046
disintegration: the notice

20170117-0833
nope. still there.

20170118-0339
there you are. seeping in through the idle seconds.

20170119-0041
Day 11: "just coz some cute girl likes the same bizzare-o crap you do, that doesn't make her your soulmate, tom."

20170120-2211
the reluctance, the hesitation to go back to that place.

20170122-1131
heard that song. remembered the table and couch.

20170123-1858
"i have vague memories that i've been to so many places i couldn't even remember why i was there.."
red notes /  20120724-2101

20170127-0010
i still remember your face in the dark like peanut butter and jelly.

20170129-1251
thank you.

no one's got it all

Day 000	8-Jan	-	Sunday	tom meets summer on january 8th
Day 003	11-Jan	-	Wednesday	and maybe she's an uppitty-better-than-everyone-super-skank
Day 004	12-Jan	-	Thursday	you have good taste of music..HOLY SHIT.
Day 008	16-Jan	-	Monday	about three year..four years.
Day 011	19-Jan	-	Thursday	just coz some cute girl likes the same bizzare-o crap you do, that doesn't make her your soulmate, tom
Day 022	30-Jan	-	Monday	it's off. it was gooooood.
Day 027	4-Feb	-	Saturday	you're not listening to me! THE WHOLE OFFICE IS GOING.
Day 028	5-Feb	-	Sunday	holy shit, you're a dude. she's a dude!
Day 031	8-Feb	-	Wednesday	man no. no jobs. i'm still unemployed. we kissed.
Day 034	11-Feb	-	Saturday	i just wanna tell you that..i'm not really looking for anything serious. is that ok?
Day 035	12-Feb	-	Sunday	you make my dreams come true..woo hoo..you you..
Day 045	22-Feb	-	Wednesday	your girl is losing it.
Day 087	5-Apr	-	Wednesday	(shower sex)
Day 095	13-Apr	-	Thursday	this is my favorite spot
Day 109	27-Apr	-	Thursday	he could feel the wall coming down. he wondered if anyone else made it this far.
Day 118	6-May	-	Saturday	you start putting labels on it, that's like the kiss of death. who cares? i'm happy. aren't you happy?
Day 154	11-Jun	-	Sunday	this is not good
Day 167	24-Jun	-	Saturday	I LOVE US
Day 191	18-Jul	-	Tuesday	VAGIANT
Day 259	24-Sep	-	Sunday	THIS IS NOT HOW YOU TREAT YOUR FRIEND. KISSING IN THE COFFEE ROOM? HOLDING HANDS IN IKEA? SHOWER SEX?! C'MON! FRIENDS MY BALLS!
Day 266	1-Oct	-	Sunday	PENIIIIIIIS!
Day 282	17-Oct	-	Tuesday	oh, hon. our sink is broken.
Day 290	25-Oct	-	Wednesday	oh, so i'm nancy..
Day 303	7-Nov	-	Tuesday	well, you know, henry miller said "the best way to get over a woman is turn her into literature."
Day 314	18-Nov	-	Saturday	he is broken. more than broken, he is alone. better luck next time, bitch
Day 321	25-Nov	-	Saturday	tom, everyone knows. lately, your work performance has been.. a little off. roses are red, violets are blue. fuck you whore.
Day 322	26-Nov	-	Sunday	and i hate the way she sounds when she laughs.
Day 345	19-Dec	-	Tuesday	either she's an evil emotionless miserable human being..or..she's a robot.
Day 402	14-Feb	-	Wednesday	hey, i was wondering..uhmm..i was gonna maybe have a party on friday..uhmm..on our rooftop that has like a really nice garden, you wanna come?
Day 408	20-Feb	-	Tuesday	tom walked to her apartment, intoxicated by the promise of the evening. he believed that this time, his expectations would align with reality.
Day 440	24-Mar	-	Saturday	ring ring ring ring
Day 441	25-Mar	-	Sunday	ring ring ring ring // get a room! really.
Day 442	26-Mar	-	Monday	it's these cards. and the movies and the pop songs.
Day 450	3-Apr	-	Tuesday	next time you look back, i really think you should look again.
Day 456	9-Apr	-	Monday	…
Day 457	10-Apr	-	Tuesday	…
Day 458	11-Apr	-	Wednesday	…
Day 459	12-Apr	-	Thursday	…
Day 460	13-Apr	-	Friday	…
Day 461	14-Apr	-	Saturday	…
Day 462	15-Apr	-	Sunday	…
Day 463	16-Apr	-	Monday	…
Day 464	17-Apr	-	Tuesday	…
Day 465	18-Apr	-	Wednesday	…
Day 466	19-Apr	-	Thursday	…
Day 467	20-Apr	-	Friday	…
Day 468	21-Apr	-	Saturday	…
Day 469	22-Apr	-	Sunday	…
Day 470	23-Apr	-	Monday	…
Day 471	24-Apr	-	Tuesday	…
Day 472	25-Apr	-	Wednesday	…
Day 473	26-Apr	-	Thursday	…
Day 474	27-Apr	-	Friday	…
Day 475	28-Apr	-	Saturday	…
Day 476	29-Apr	-	Sunday	…
Day 488	11-May	-	Friday	you just do want you want, don't you? you never wanna be anybody's girlfriend, and now you're somebody's wife. i don't think i'll ever understand that. i mean, it doesn't make sense.
Day 500	23-May	-	Wednesday	may23rd was a wednesday. if tom had learned anything, it was that you can't ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. coincidence. that's all anything ever is. nothing more than coincidence. tom had finally learned there are no miracles. there's no such thing as fate. nothing is meant to be. he knew. he was sure of it now. tom was..he was..pretty sure.

===============================

i think there's something wrong with the timeline..and yea, i think they work during weekends, which is kinda unlikely.

war times

"We set sail on this new sea because there is new knowledge to be gained, and new rights to be won, and they must be won and used for the progress of all people. For space science, like nuclear science and all technology, has no conscience of its own. Whether it will become a force for good or ill depends on man, and only if the United States occupies a position of pre-eminence can we help decide whether this new ocean will be a sea of peace or a new terrifying theater of war. I do not say that we should or will go unprotected against the hostile misuse of space any more than we go unprotected against the hostile use of land or sea, but I do say that space can be explored and mastered without feeding the fires of war, without repeating the mistakes that man has made in extending his writ around this globe of ours.

There is no strife, no prejudice, no national conflict in outer space as yet. Its hazards are hostile to us all. Its conquest deserves the best of all mankind, and its opportunity for peaceful cooperation may never come again. But why, some say, the Moon? Why choose this as our goal? And they may well ask, why climb the highest mountain? Why, 35 years ago, fly the Atlantic? Why does Rice play Texas?

We choose to go to the Moon! ... We choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard; because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one we intend to win ..."


JFK
Rice University Stadium
Houston, TX
19620912

day 1

whatever the fuck happened to the scene, man! full of geeky hipsters with their forced millennial conversations filled with fad expressions in between every other word and drinking kettle brew. and i don't even think everyone inside is 18+. i went there to see bands, not laptop artists. what they're playing is almost music. maybe even not remotely close.

too many cables for one artist.

you know what my problem with laptop "music" is? when the song ends, there's no feedback, no mistake string scratch noise, no unintended harmonics, no cymbals swish decay. when the music ends, the music ends, like a dot, much like when you click stop on itunes. it just ain't right.

wow. then that happened.

===============================
1035H

so it looks like i'm picking it up where i left it off a decade ago..

wp

dude, she's sick.

--cough sick or psycho sick?

psycho, dude. psycho.

--really? wow. how sick?

like..wicker park sick.

--oh shit.

blahksheep

"blah blah blah 2017 blah blah blah new year blah blah blah change blah blah blah start blah blah blah right time blah blah blah new me blah blah blah"

tiny

i didn't have to break her down. she collapsed in unto herself.

december 32

east coast: hello?! help! help!

west coast: hello?! why? what's happening out there?!

east coast: new year didn't come! new year didn't come! it's still 2016!

west coast: aaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!

east coast: aaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!