the good

so it's my birthday, the first one i spent in my hometown in a very long time..and my uncle just died. coincidence is annoying sometimes.

he was my mother's older sister's husband. he was really good to me when i was a kid, but he was one of those people that are so kind and good with kids but relatively almost horrible to other people, that is when it comes to money.

i call him daddy, and my aunt mommy. i call mama and papa another uncle-aunt couple. my mom and dad, i call them nanay and tatay.

last memory i can recall of him was when i was still a kid. i may have seen him a few times when i got older but i have no recollection of any of it at all. i used to visit them as a kid almost everyday to play with my cousins and also because they were the well-off family with more toys and their fridge had more food. but i barely visited when i started college and was allowed inside information of what was really happening with our family. the lands that were grabbed and transferred ownership without the knowledge of everybody. the crops that vanished without landing a single banana or coconut or a grain of rice on our porch. i hated them for it. i asked my mom..no i demanded my mom not to care anymore and just let them have what they wanted. a fraction of land would probably do us good, but i thought we lived without it all our lives anyway, and my father couldn't care less. we always play the bigger person. always. i'm pretty sure i swore not to forgive them for how they treated my mom and took advantage of her pure kindness.

me and my cousins have no conflict at all whatsoever, but we became the collateral victims in this, and i miss them sometimes. when i heard he fell sick, i felt sorry..of course. as one of my aunt's verbatim, "kahit pala masama ang ugali, nakakaawa din pag mamamatay na." i considered visiting everytime i was in town, which is very rare, but i just couldn't find the time. and i swear i had this mind story of saving him in one of my hero thoughts. like paying for his hospital bill or something like that.

he will always be the uncle who will give me 5 pesos whenever i ask for 2. i forgave him already. i forgave all of them already. but i didn't let go soon enough. i didn't let go soon enough. goodbye daddy.

31 squared

20170526-1738

thumbstronaut
lift off
taguig

20170527-0032

rainy stop over

20170527-0439

partas bus station, vigan

20170527-0823

touchdown pagudpod

20170527-0928

it's been argued that there are more stars in our night sky

than grains of sand in all of earth's beaches and deserts

20170527-1054
the juxtaposition

20170527-1753

northern foam

20170527-1947

happy three friends

20170527-2215

"We agree on a plan..designed to land us in bed by one o'clock.."

up in the air

walter kirn

20170528-1101

walking south

20170528-1105

i loco s norte

20170528-1112

empanada

20170528-1420

chavit

20170528-1458

he's not supposed to be there

20170528-1501

5-legged aussies

20170528-1551

calle crisologo, i am not impressed

20170528-1620
vigitarian

20170528-2027

touchdown the circle, san juan, la union

20170529-0054

first night IN the circle

20170529-0102

spoken whatevs collaboration

(anya)

ayaw ko pang umpisahan ang kabanatang

(denise)

hindi nagtapos sa tuldok

(becca)

ngunit, sa bawat kuwit sa ating kwento

(riz)

ako'y nanghihina, puso'y humihinto

(uncle tom)

binubuhat ang bigat, ngunit paa'y pilit lumalapat

(anya)

matagal nang gustong tumakbo palayo

ngunit ang mga minsan mong pagtanong

ay parang mga kadenang ayaw ako pakawalan

(denise)

madalas nang isinigaw ng puso kong traydor

(becca)

paulit-ulit nitong binabato ang salita sa hangin

(riz)

pinipilit kong saluhin pero ako ang nahuhulog

(uncle tom)

mga ngiting ipinipilit para ibalot ang sakit

mga sugat na nagdurugo, ipinupunas sa damit

kaya sa paggulong ng panahon at paglipad ng mga araw

isang bagay lang ang nais, sana'y di ka na tanaw

(anya)

nang maumpisahan ko na

ang pagsulat nang ating katapusan.

20170529-0137

that's denise, waiting for her "ka-tagpo"

20170529-0703

wet philippine sea

20170529-0708

early north-west foam

20170529-0935

strangers

(anya, lloyd, matt's back, part of denise, riz, becca, yass, the couple, jess)

20170529-1139

cliff diving

20170529-1145

these kids are crazy, jumping off cliffs and shit

matt-jess-becca-denise-yass-anya-----riz

20170529-1322

tangang-daan falls

20170529-1330

apo tungkod

20170529-1411

a thing of beauty

for all mankind

20170529-1719

storm's a coming at flotsam beach

20170530-0647

last day bunks

20170530-0713

you damn right

20170530-0714

kids! remember!

20170530-1204

kids-1

20170530-1210

the kids

20170530-1239

sink your miseries into the journey

and let strangers color the destinations

===============================

the last trip

it has been argued that we only know light through darkness, sound through silence, and with the same thought, we only know ourselves through others. so it's only rational to think that in the process of trying to look for yourself, it is highly predictably plausible that you are going to find yourself through someone else.

UNLUCKY ME CHICKEN

2004
isang araw nung college ako, wala na ako pera at kinabukasan pa ako padadalahan ng allowance, nakalimutan ko na kung magkano na lang natitira sa pera ko pero sakto na lang sa dalawang noodles. isa sa tanghalian at isa sa hapunan. bumili ako ng isang LUCKY ME CHICKEN para sa tanghalian. hindi ko agad binili yung para sa hapunan kasi baka magka-emergency, walang matitira sakin kahit benchingko. nung iluluto ko na at binuksan ko na ang pakete, UNLUCKY ME CHICKEN pala yung nabili ko. kasi walang pakete para sa seasoning. ang nangyari, bumili pa ako ng isa pang LUCKY ME CHICKEN at chi-neck kaagad kung may seasoning. niluto ko ng sabay. kokonti ang tubig kasi tatabang. ang nangyari, tuyot na noodles ang kinain ko sa tanghalian at itinulog ko na lang ang hapunan.

2014
kagabi, nagluluto ako ulit ng LUCKY ME CHICKEN para sa hapunan, dagdag ulam sa inihaw na liempo ng SR. PEDRO. pagbukas ko, dalawa ang pakete ng seasoning. TAKE THAT MONDE-NISSIN!!!

lesson: wala.

==========================

facebook post
Thursday, April 17, 2014 at 9:46am UTC+08

blame on

the fault in our stars is that they're some billion light years away and by the time we see them through our night sky, they're probably dead on their own time. and yea, they're so much older than earth, and probably has systems of their own, so they're not ours. don't blame your failed wishful thinking on things that has nothing to do with you. fuck you.

===============================

facebook post

Wednesday, April 30, 2014 at 12:08am UTC+08

lions 777

from the seven heavens to the seven seas
seven armies went marching in
through the seven cracks of the seven years
peeps the seven wives of the seven sins

P.S. i love you, but i hate us.

===============================

facebook post
Thursday, July 10, 2014 at 11:19am UTC+08

screenshut

I often wish I lived in an age before computers, when we didn’t have screens to distract us. But I realized there’s one reason why today is the only time I want to be alive. Because here today, we have an opportunity we never had before. The internet gives us the power to share a message and unite millions around the world. While we still can we must use our screens to bring us together, rather than farther apart.

===============================

facebook post
Monday, March 23, 2015 at 8:39pm UTC+08

learn from murder

and to take the words from the mouth of a former lover
just like i took her tongue and twisted it over under
"it's alright. it's all in good fun."

===============================

facebook post
Sunday, March 27, 2016 at 9:01am UTC+08

What does Wiki say about you?

Tom is not a person who believes in bullshit internet fads. He believes that these kind of things are exactly like astrology, which arranges random nice sentences to make a person feel better about him/herself, and make use of subconscious thought manipulation to try and make the person believe what it says is personally and exclusively about them. People who actually study these things regard it as "remembering the hits, forgetting the misses", in which the consciousness is bent towards the parts closest to their personality while disregarding those that are not.

Personal Motto: "If you need random patterns of strings generated by a machine to validate yourself, then (bleeeeeeeeeeeeep)."

===============================

facebook post
Sunday, May 1, 2016 at 11:29am UTC+08

reroute

kelangan mong ayusin ang router para magka-internet.. kelangan mo ng internet para ma-google pano ayusin ang router.. eh kelangan mong ayusin ang router para magka-internet.. eh kelangan mo ng internet para ma-google pano ayusin ang router.. eh kelangan mo ngang ayusin ang router para magka-internet.. eh kelangan mo nga ng internet para ma-google pano ayusin ang router..

===============================

facebook post
Tuesday, November 12, 2013 at 10:13am UTC+08

bill-board

most of the time, music is way better when the musician is not that famous and not that rich..money feeds and kills musicians at the same time.

===============================

facebook post
Wednesday, October 30, 2013 at 3:59pm UTC+08

human impact

"the most important thing in the world is not money..or 'love'..or 'belief'..or whatever stereotypical cliche bullshit..it is HUMAN INTERACTION..HUMAN IMPACT..either be human interaction to another human..or to a stupid dog..or to the nature itself..we all live in this spaceship earth..and unless you can attain light speed, there is no escape.." -unanimous anonymous

===============================

facebook post
Monday, September 2, 2013 at 10:29am UTC+08

pilosopiya

tumae ka man ng dugo, ikaw pa rin ang gagawa, kaya gawin mo na.
===============================

facebook post
Monday, January 12, 2015 at 3:32pm UTC+08

dark whatter

can (of) thoughts

dear physicists, we already know that the universe is expanding, right? not only that, it is accelerating. have you ever considered into account the earth's over population? every second, 4 babies are born. and since vaccines have eradicated causes of early deaths, almost everyone survives to grow (up / old). aren't we pushing the space above us? and what if the other worlds beyond our observable universe are also as stupid as earthlings who couldn't control their population? from the near infinite possibilities, could it be that we are responsible? what if dark energy is our collective radiation sent across the void? what if dark matter is us? what if..i'm just hungry?

=========================

facebook post
Sunday, January 18, 2015 at 1:36pm UTC+08

sorry it ended so bad tonight

BBB karuhatan

bitches be batshit

NEIL

WHO WILL TAKE ME TO HEAVEN

IN YOUR HOUSE, I LONG TO BE
ROOM BY ROOM, PATIENTLY
I'LL WAIT FOR YOU THERE
LIKE A STONE
I'LL WAIT FOR YOU THERE
ALONE

19640720-20170517

nothing compares 2 u

today, we have lost the owner of one of the best, most recognizable voices in rock and roll..and my heart is broken.

it was just a week ago when i learned about his rendition of the Prince classic "nothing compares 2 u" and i've been playing it ever since. he covers the most unlikely songs you think he'd play, and he would nail it. and now he's not with us anymore.

your music will outlive you for a very long time. thank you, chris.

mexican black tar heroin

i will go back to all the places we've been to

so i could erase your footprints

so i could replace the memories

i was

don't speak like i wasn't there. the whole world may be on your side, and i can live with that. but they weren't there. i was.

diffuse (cover) | hum | electra 2000 (1993)

===============================

i'll wake her when we're through

diffuse (cover) | hum | electra 2000 (1993)

poorkid covers tonight tonight

===============================

credits
song: tonight tonight
artist: the smashing pumpkins
album: mellon collie and the infinite sadness (1995)
released by: virgin records

gaano, ha?

gaano pa ba katagal ako maghihintay
sa iyong pagdating sa aking buhay
parang kahapon lang nang kita'y nakilala
kung alam kong ako'y masusugatan,
hindi na lang sana

at kung hawak ko man ang puso mo
bakit ko pa ilalayo
sa tabi ng puso ko na lang ililipat
at ako na lang ang mag-iingat


2003.10.26_A02-10_gaano, ha?

===============================
snipped

2011.01.18_2

well you've got what you wanted
staging a good goose chase
if i didn't know any better
you're just trying to run away

whatever that is
i know you've got your reason
oh, whatever that is
starin' at me's still treason

so here's your (car keys / bag of cash)
i ain't no (car thief, really / weasel ass, anyway)
just got no better thing to do
drive north off this state
try not to be late, this time
shut up..bye..see you soon.

don't you be thinkin' of your dream
just wake up every morning
should you have any problem
try one of these medicines

money isn't real
i know you've been livin' it
oh, money isn't real
now don't look back when leavin me..


2011.01.18_2

chapter 5: liar!

"It's your fiction that interests me. Your studies of the interplay of human motives and emotions."

RB-34 "Herbie" to Susan Calvin

i, robot
isaac asimov

"love you." whuuut?!!!

for when logic decides, you never can hide..

the flat terrain
the rough gravel
the stick of cigar
the candy wrapper
the dim backdraft
the eyebag shadows
the kiss that blurred
the words that followed

tonight, tonight

by The Smashing Pumpkins

album: Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness

Time is never time at all

You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth

And our lives are forever changed

We will never be the same

The more you change the less you feel

Believe, believe in me, believe

That life can change, that you're not stuck in vain

We're not the same, we're different tonight

Tonight, so bright

Tonight

And you know you're never sure

But you're sure you could be right

If you held yourself up to the light

And the embers never fade in your city by the lake

The place where you were born

Believe, believe in me, believe

In the resolute urgency of now

And if you believe there's not a chance tonight

Tonight, so bright

Tonight

We'll crucify the insincere tonight

We'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonight

We'll find a way to offer up the night tonight

The indescribable moments of your life tonight

The impossible is possible tonight

Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight

hear that heartbeat

so here. tonight. i'm telling.

orion's belt

counting 1 2 3 side by side
i'm opening your heart, access denied
we are living in parallel universe
give me your curse

counting 1 2 3 side by side
i saw you smile before i died
i was in your death row, you can't lie
throw me to your sky

you're the last thing on my mind
when i died
now i'm all mummified
in your sky

every night i look above
every night i stare at the dark sky
all i see is
all i see is you

counting 1 2 3 side by side
can you be my savior for just awhile
bring me to your motherfucking empire
what a shocking sight

counting 1 2 3 side by side
no matter what, i'll find you, don't try to hide
and you will taste the taste of my fury
i'm the space kid!


2003.12.20_O02-08_orion's belt

hahaha

it's been awhile since you fucked me
it's been awhile since you hated me
it's been awhile
it's been awhile
it's been awhile since i'm out of your life

i am happy with what i am now
i am glad that you're away now
don't come back
don't come back
don't come back to my life

it's been awhile since i'm with you
no, i ain't happy while i'm with you
it's been awhile
it's been awhile
it's been awhile since you messed my life

don't, don't, don't come back now
no, no, no way, no way
i, i, i don't want you
you motherfucking creature

don't come back


2004.01.31_T03-09_hahaha

good job 2004!

carmelle

"para kang lumaki sa slums na pinag-aral para maging pino."
-carmelle

propolo

20170428-2050H

sifting through all these lights by the millions, trying to find yours.

alphabetlog

i once invented my own alphabet