hi fans!

i guess 30 years of fear won't just go away in 5 weeks.

dept.

an empty stare
spiraling down your mind
a successful smile
but there's something you still can't hide

i know you know
that i don't know
you
i see you
on every wall, every ceiling
after a couple of winters
i tried to drop off the feeling

(but) i catched them so clearly
the messages you try to convey
from your eyes
from your fake smiles
from those forced grins
i'll let everything you want, happen
just let me in..

you may believe
that we sit on parallel stars
and so far
the distance has been so far, so far

and when the worst thing you've been waiting has happened
it might do you good to forget your own version of heaven
come up to me and i can be
your device, to dance out your miseries!


2007.01.29_79_dept.

2013.01.29_13-01

born alone
we die along
we learn to rise on our own
(from) what we know
(and) what we believe
soul becomes subjective

as darkness controls!!!

spirals down
to worshiping
we fear eternal consequences
heaven's nowhere
hell is here
hell is fucking real!!!

as darkness controls
heads start to roll
as darkness controls
(there stand the illusion of god / fear becomes your god)

spirals down
to worshiping
we fear eternal consequences
heaven's nowhere
hell is here
hell, it's fucking real!!!

meditate, fast, commune
pray, chant, summon
sacrifice!!!
denounce and deny!

spit on the face of those who taught you lies
no sinners nor righteous seen in your eyes
through hunger we gape
death's the only escape


2013.01.29_13-01

snarled

only a star can be seen
from this window of confusion
it's so hard to embrace the air
it's so cold

only a star is shining
the others are all hiding
just like what you are doing
from me

from here
the sun will rise once again
and i wish the clouds would cover you up
and bring you to me
and be part of my sky

the lights lead me to you
close to your never ending tears
and to your smiles that
no one can ever imagine

only a star is shining
the star from your eyes
that you've been hiding
from me

i can see you
i can see you
i can see you


2005.01.29_T09-09_snarled

rotten outcome

am i waiting for something?
or nothing?
another miracle
is unfortunately passing
can't do nothing
letting go again

trapped inside a fear
under your smiles
my whole heart
bends over to you
growing obsession
rotten progression

do you think
i deserve to have these?
do you think
i deserve to lose these tears?

no.


2005.01.31_T09-10_rotten outcome

project forgotten

TRAIN

taxing taxation

rice in a bowl

buti na lang maganda si gela cruz

bazz

session #3

20180123
army gym pool

session #2

20180116

army gym pool

the fast(ing) and the furious (eating)

iconoclast

suicide

i'll consume your doubts
and prepare for every sorrow
cause i got nowhere to go without you
you're the shine, the spark
the one i've been waiting

i will face every pain
and'll stay in the dark
cause i got nowhere to go without you
you're the light i found
the one i've been

waiting
each sunset
each night
each dawn
i've stayed
with you
though
i know
it's
suicide

i'll give you every serenity
i will heal you
cause i got nowere to go without you
i would give my life
to you, cause i've been

be the rope where i'm hung
be the knife on my hand
be the bullet in my head
and be the poison to strike me dead


2005.01.24_T09-04_iconoclast

perplexity

a dozen wrist to bleed
is not enough to bring me up
a dozen throat to slit
will never bring me back

i'm losing me
you're losing me

another night so cold
i just want to fuck the world
another fight to win
the moon is gone
stars are gone
i'm losing

you cannot battle with me through silence
i'm used to be the one left
you can never affect my disturbance
for i haven't got any affection. numb. cold. ice.

another life to quit
i just lost my everything
your face isn't clear
not now. not now.

i'm losing me
you're losing me
let us see


2005.01.24_T09-06_perplexity

are

nagagalit ako tuwing nakikita kita
naninigas ako tuwing nakikita kita
666


2004.01.24_T03-02_are

restricted impulse

stop cryin your life out
please leave it there just for once
start pulling yourself up
try to heal you own wounds one by one
and stop looking back

a knife on your wrist
is just complicaing everything
the worst is (yet to come/on you now)
(but) try to enjoy every pain
look up at me

you think nothing's left for you
you're wrong
hr thinks he's better off without you
he's so fuckin wrong

save me
save you
save me
save you
this one
your blood will never flood out
once again

you'll find another track
to run out every hour of yours
your empty, callused heart
just started to stop getting worse
live it up

not your mistake
he burnt your skin
not your mistake
scars remained
let your yesterday
be an ordinary night slept
save you
save me

save you
save me


2005.01.23_T09-03_restricted impulse

2007.01.22_76

i don't want to write you this song
but words keep on coming
complicating what's less complicated
(and) will you please stop laughing at my words..
coz this song isn't just my goodbye letter for you

i was caught unaware in your drowning world
didn't notice that you are so destructive
infective, added with some dose of lies
and i can't stand this no more

after a million years
don't expect me to be still
on your feet, beggin you to love me

(again)
i'm sayin that you destroyed me
why can't you give me the understanding that i'm giving you?
it's you or nobody
but you just rubbished my good intentions..

..this is something i'm looking forward
to put beside your grave

by
the time
you die from, beggin me to love you..
again..


2007.01.22_76

there's no such thing as

reach into me
i'll tell you everything
coz you seem too
clearly innocent

dance with me
out of the cold
you are so cold
you seemed trapped in yourself
which isn't you

hit me hard
to bleed my head
make me realize
i'm wrong but i'm right

come to me
we will burn
burn ourselves
you seemed frozen white
you shouldn't be

we'll get away
walka away from this night
we'll burn away
burn away every light
i'll keep you
i'll keep you
you

no matter
you are the one


2005.01.19_A09-09_there's no such thing as

milky way turns 3

and if next life is true
which means i'm wrong
then i'd be looking for you
for forever long


2015.01.19_milky way

fatal polemic between noise and silence

long lost fields of silence
now broken up with chaos
seems there's no way out
can't go back to my peaceful mind

hating
constantly fading away
waiting
for a better way

as i lost myself
through your dark eyes
can't do nothing but
watch me drown
you drown me
under your breath
poison
you're poison

cold touch from your idle hands
sleeping thoughts of none
a body, dead tired
i'm so full of you, so full of you


2005.01.21_T09-02_fatal polemic between noise and silence

incantated under a different spell casted by your name

the silence was broken
between me and you
now you know everything
everything behind me

now, after i answered
all of your questions
you seemed to be drifting away
away

i've never seen you
frm yesterday
i can't make me believe
that you will throw me a single eye
once again
this will never be the same
everything's changed

the message's unspoken
hid under my stares
you don't know everything
you are the one

now my eyes seek
for you
growin' weak
fall on me
sew me up
with the threads of your smile
pull me up
breathe me in for awhile


2005.01.19_A09-08_incantated under a different spell casted by your name

damit

lops

sa mga panahong di kita kasama
nababaliw ako
sa mga panahong malayo ka
nasisiraan ako
walang katinuan ang nararamdaman
kapag di kita nakikita
ang isip ko'y lumilipad
kasama mo rin pala

gabi-gabi na lang ikaw ay iniisip
nasan ka kaya
di makatulog sa pagkakahiga
sana ay katabi ka
kailan kaya kita makikilala
sana'y ngayon na
hndi na ko makapaghihintay
kapag bukas pa

sa kalaliman ng aking pagtulog
kasama na kita
at sa aking pagmulat at paggising
biglang nawawala
masakit tanggapin na walang katotohanan
ang lahat-lahat
kailan pa matutupad
ang aking pangarap

lumulutang ang aking katawan
twing naiisip ka
nalilimutan ang lahat
sana'y kasama ka
araw-araw au nangungulila
naiinis sa'yo
sana ay dumating ka na
dito sa buhay ko

sa mga panahong hinahagilap kita
walang madama
tanging sa panaginip lamang kita
pwedeng makasama
walang katinuan ang nararamdaman
kapag di kita nakikita
ang isip ko'y lumilipad
kasama mo na pala


2004.01.18_A03-09_lops

===============================

berks' penelope

100th song

why, why do you have to do this on us
why, why do you have to leave us
i know you're lonely
i know you're in pain
we won't worry
coz we all end up the same

but i know
you didn't know what you just did
hell no
you're not supposed to leave

come back to us
hang on
we're here to rescue you
start breathing once again
don't ever let go

i know you had your sleepless nights
but everyone of us, goes through that shit sometimes
why did you do that
you're life isn't worthless
there's always a way out
always

don't let go
don't ever let go
do not leave us
waiting here
for you


2004.01.18_A03-10_100th song

2011.01.18_2

well you've got what you wanted
staging a good goose chase
if i didn't know any better
you're just trying to run away

whatever that is
i know you've got your reason
oh, whatever that is
starin' at me's still treason

so here's your (car keys / bag of cash)
i ain't no (car thief, really / weasel ass, anyway)
just got no better thing to do
drive north off this state
try not to be late, this time
shut up..bye..see you soon.

don't you be thinkin' of your dream
just wake up every morning
should you have any problem
try one of these medicines

money isn't real
i know you've been livin' it
oh, money isn't real
now don't look back when leavin me..


2011.01.18_2

===============================

silverstone

live show

i'm blue
want to fuck with you
tell me your secrets
show me what's inside of you

show me
the way to bed
you nasty freaky bitch
you nasty freaky bitch

take off
your tight suit
show me your body
show me your skin

you're hot
little chick
you make me angry
you make me bad


2004.01.17_A03-08_live show

===============================

villa españa village..isaw girl in hot blue leggings

questions answered with questionable answers

the ghost of you is here with me
i (can't/don't) believe what you told me
i'm here fighting for nothing
i'm here still waiting for you

i don't want to trust in your words
for fortune was never on my side
my bloody heart seemed buried alive
without you, without you on my sight

i thought you could help
but you're just makin it worse
the situation is too complicated
the be handled by lies

my blinded eyes still can see light
from an aperture on your life
but your light is too bright
that it looked like darkness
my emptiness, i can't take no more
i'm this tomorrow, now and before
your life is too close
too far away from me
(this/we) will never be better

tomorrow
i'd still be living
without you
without you here
i hope there is closure
to these shattered dreams
but none
none


2005.01.17_A09-07_questions answered with questionable answers

coincidence with an ice cold star

look down your window
and you will find heaven
stare at the sky
and find out that stars've fallen
beneath the ground
you don't know
that the sun is getting cold

clouds are fading
fading in your eyes
that air's so cold
will you stay by my side?

you don't know
that you are the one
the one that gave me wings
but still can't fly
can't you see
that i'm staring at you
all the time you are hiding yourself
i'm feeling so cold
your star is fading cold

your face
seems like a battlefield
i'm trying to fight
out of the cold without a shield
you think you're too strong
you don't know
that your star's gonna explode, cold

it's getting dark
i can't see
where i'm walking
guide me
before your light is gone
before you become a cold sun


2005.01.17_A09-06_coincidence with an ice cold star

tales turns 4

i'm sorry i broke
whatever deal that we made
you aren't mine and
i'm not your escape

you could've been here


2014.01.17_tales

2014.01.17

you were just yesterday's dream
come over night you are here
so let's drive somewhere far
i could go anywhere in your car

it is a place many have dared
many have succeeded, but i just don't care
keep in mind what i have said
that day, that place and where it led

stop smiling
it might reinvent past beliefs
stop staring
i might never would wanna leave

you were just last night's thoughts
a story noone would've bought
i've got no end on this bargain
but to see none of these end

2014.01.17

===============================

ellen

tunguska event turns 3

i'm gonna head back
to the gardens of tunguska
right before the impact
before you go nova


2015.01.17_tunguska event

it's over

i've been following you for quite a long time
and i think we could've had been going fine
it's stupid of me
i'm giving up
it's so stupid of you
coz you are just so fucking dumb

i am growing sick of this chasing
i am tired of this long waiting
this is the time
that i should leave
this is the time
that i should forget you everything

it's over
it's over
so long my so called friend
i'll run away now
and survive somehow
this shit that
i've been through

i know you didn't mean to hurt me
but things are changing, i'm so sorry
my felings changed
and rearranged
i think you cried
while i wave you goodbye

it's over
it's over
it's over
it's over


2004.01.16_A03-07_it's over

putrefaction

i need to
forget everything
and let me live again
my despair
forcing me to kill
these thoughts of loss
bringing me to my grave
i feel no one around

it's not so amusing
you ran away
everything now's unreal
(takes me away / all fades away)

away from everything
and every nothing i've known
my flames
burning each of me
your voice so cold
but will never be enough
to wash my fire out

away
away
never will i find again
the draft of your face
rotten
inside a box of everything forgotten

away


2005.01.16_A09-05_putrefaction

pallas turns 3

the ever immortal
greek goddess
isn't immortal
after all
i just came back from hell
you ain't even there


2015.01.16_pallas

salt

i know i don't have to go
but i must leave
i can't hold on anymore
i'll let go

i've been waiting long
for this bleeding to stop
the pain is biting in
ain't been happy with what i have

though i know i'm not alone
not the only one going through this
it's not fair, this world's cold
i'll keep on searching
searching new things

death is nothing but a test
a test if you can leave the rest

we all feel this pain
everybody is the same
i want to be different
keep on looking for something different

you will know me like this forever
these tears will be flowing forever
time will tell if it's over
i think i'm over, i am over

no one cares
i'll leave you now
i can't sleep
i'll leave you now
no one cares
i'll leave you now
i can't sleep


2004.01.15_A03-05_salt

read between the lines

2011.01.12_11-01

eyes of sunshine
lies of goldmines
in this dream of mine

lust for dinner
trust them sinners
more guns waitin in line

put me to sleep
put me to real sleep
and grant me real dreams that i forget in the morning
it's time to keep
me away from reality
oh, and if you may, for the mean time, keep it that way

broken thunder
paper power
enter slumber

heroic mind
tragical kind
greeding to-get-her


2011.01.12_11-01

fyt

people change
human change
i am the only one who does not change

are you scared
don't be scared
i'm not scared
i'm not scared to die

the race is not over yet
do not give up
your life is going better
then try to hold on

you've got to fight and fight
fight and fight and fight and fight
until the end

take me now
to another place
i'm sick and tired
of all these shit around

fuck these things
that bother me
take these off
off my chest again

i am not the only one
we are millions up in here
waiting for the same thing
the right time for us
get a grip


2004.01.13_A03-03_fyt

my death on my land

a mind full of words
as you tied down my arms
there, i walked through the crowd
to face destiny

my last farewell
not enough
to capture the sense of my death
your fault, your loss

i've done all
for all
for all

you are killing
the most precious stone
you are shooting me
on my own home
no one can say
no one can foretell
what could it be
if you let me live in this hell

now, the history's unlocked
through my things that you kept
but still not enough and never
will it be

my body into ashes
engraved in different places
are my words
of goodbye


2005.01.12_A09-04_my death on my land

===============================

rizal

biception

you won't realize which muscles you use for every movement until one of them starts to hurt like hell.

2007.01.10_75

my heart lies, unease
fallin debris
from a wound shot in my head
makes me feel like i'm dead

ashes had been blown away
bein lost with my dismay
tomorrow might never come
i need to savour these

go laugh at my words
and take over my world
you don't need to be my hero
as you wake up
i hope you figure out
what i am about
i don't have to (say it / scream out)
(a little time's enough)

and the silence goes on
hope it won't last for far too long
though my dormant mouth still lingers on the surface
i still try to make you feel like you're the perfect one..
(quit wond'rin if you're still wond'rin)

let's not breathe a word
for i'd dreamed that you've said everything
but you never meant anything
yes, you didn't mean anything!

a telephone ring might quite bring my life back!


2007.01.10_75

perdition

main source of frustrations
heartbreak delivery on the go
so accessibly annoying
footprints no one can see

it's your face
i'll never be lying

can't be handled by my perceptions
never, never to wake up no more
it's different from
nothing, all're the same

it's you, you
i'll never be seeing again

with my broken sighs you smile
i have never been this vile
as early as i saw the sun
you freaked me not just once
in your head
you're thinking you've just had
the sparkle of your star
while i'm this far with scars
no more forgiveness
no more selflessness

your goodbye's not so good
your goodbye's not so good
no more forgiveness
no more, no more, no more, no more, no more.


2005.01.11_A09-03_perdition

lyk me

this day ain't over yet
i'm scared
i've got to hold on
to keep myself going on

what if i go now
i ain't scared
i know the bright lights'll keep me
while i wait for you

we all get there
i'm just excited
hold on to your seats
don't fall on your knees like me

like me
you like me
you don't like me
like me
don't be like me
i'll be waiting
on the far end
for you


2004.01.09_A03-02_lyk me

behind the words from an escape artist

waiting for nothing i think
just a day better than now
will make me sigh
remembering every single thing
just your face in front of mine
can bring me to my sky

frustrations
converted into deaath
promises
broken! i left me with nothing on my hands

the air you breathe
is the one i wished to the stars
to be mine
the heart you keep
is the one i missed to take
now i'm left behind! i'm left behind!

oceans that are between us
torturing the whole me
i can't escape
words from you and my mind
can't perform nothing better than
letting me wait

i'm waiting on my own
though i can't
been swimming on my own tears
i'm sinking
been sinking
sinking


2005.01.09_A09-02_behind the words from an escape artist

mute

heavens red with flames
been swimming in a daze
stunned in a look
private smiles

clouds forming like birds
flying so freely
in your eyes i see them
fictitious

i can't remember
we had a good time
cause we never had
anything before

a bizaare kind of nothing
so odd to mean something
you never spoke straight
to my face that's always waiting
i haven't found your voice
so sacredly out of the choices
i never heard your voice
kept under your blanket of something always hidden

can't walk, the stair's so dark
your windows tinted with shadows
can't see through your walls
so opaque

heavens red with flames
with flames
heavens red with flames
burning
burning


2005.01.06_P09-09_mute

manage

seperated by a wall of silence
my mouth shut by your presence
your eyes are glowing like a thousand lights beneath the sun
and i feel like rain, let me pour over you

distincted by our own silence
known by those secret smiles we hide
now take me to your world of stars, i want to see
make me feel like i'm the one you're looking for

you can see that i can't manage
my tormented heart is still damaged
by those weary thoughts
of all things painful

let your face be the nest of my eyes
let me stare at those never-broken smiles
a glint of your shine can make me believe
that all my darkness were all gone
all gone

let me..


2005.01.06_P09-08_manage

check that.

Fr

francium. with 22-minute isotope half-life.

dream catcher 20180109

the trypophobia dream in the office..with the giant petroleum jelly.

sphere

from deep waters to deep space

the culprit

20180106-2210

double tap.

the finishing shot.

self betterment

with you.

everyshit ends

i don't know who will finish first the race
but we will all reach the finish line, only in different cases
nobody will be left standing
we will all end up lying

six feet under the surface we step on
close eyed, coz life doesn't go on and on
it has to come to an end
because everyshit ends

(that) only time will tell who dies
earth tells who will rest
heaven will cry
but only god knows who's next

death is nothing but a very long sleep
so live your fucking life to the fullest, before you lie six-foot deep
everyone has to wait for their turn
but what if it's my turn?

to lie, inside that fucking wooden box
you cry, but you can never bring me back
so pray to god for my soul
because we all know

what if it is his turn to lie?
then it is her turn to cry?
what if it is your turn to die?
but shit, what if it's mine?

nobody can say it
nobody can reveal it
nobody can tell it
only god knows about it
we just wait
and wait


2004.01.03_P03-09_everyshit ends

basta.

basta.