baby paris

happiest birthday ever

kay buwang

whitney cummings

Richard Dawkins

“I accept that there may be things far grander and more incomprehensible than we can possibly imagine.”

semantic satiation

semantic satiation. semantic satiation. semantic satiation. semantic satiation. semantic satiation.
semantic satiation. semantic satiation. semantic satiation. semantic satiation. semantic satiation.
semantic satiation. semantic satiation. semantic satiation. semantic satiation. semantic satiation.
semantic satiation. semantic satiation. semantic satiation. semantic satiation. semantic satiation.
semantic satiation. semantic satiation. semantic satiation. semantic satiation. semantic satiation.
semantic satiation. semantic satiation. semantic satiation. semantic satiation. semantic satiation.

Susan Cain

“Highly sensitive (introverted) people process their environments - both physical and emotional - unusually deeply. They tend to notice subtleties that others miss - another person’s shift in mood, or a lightbulb burning a touch too brightly.”
— Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

Matt Kahn

“Despite how open, peaceful, and loving you attempt to be, people can only meet you as deeply as they have met themselves.”

Sylvia Plath

“Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no to-morrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.”

dream catcher 20130608

i had a dream this afternoon.i can't really classify it as bad or good, whatever. story was, someone texted you. i read it. apparently, you're cheating. again. so you were mad, i was not, because i'm already a mad person. and eventually after my interrogations, you pleaded guilty.the name on the phone was Roshanna or something who works at the gym you go to. at first i thought SHE was related to that Jason guy or something. well apparently, Roshanna was the guy because Roshanna is a guy. i thought that was funny.anyway, i didn't want to talk about it right then and there and i just wanted to leave.i guess i didn't really care that much. maybe not anymore. and i was kind of wondering maybe it was for the better.and maybe i was half awake.

dream catcher 20160821

weird dream in the bus

plot is we're supposed to meet up. so i was driving on my motorcycle to wherever it's gonna be. then you texted me "maya-maya lang konti. may kausap lang ako". i didnt reply. we're supposed to meet anyway. i just drove. then i drove past this two people arguing. both with long blonde hair. turns out. it was you. and your husband. with long blonde hair. and you were fighting over our messages on your phone. (i could've sworn i remember that one line he said but just couldn't right now.) i didn't know what to do. i was looking at you from the side mirror. then i decided to make a uturn and watch you from the other side of the street. you're holding your phone. still arguing. from that moment, the reason why i was watching was just in case he beat you up so i could save you. and you were holding your phone in front of his face while he reads. inhad this thought of texting you something awful. like an douche line so he could read that it's ok and you wouldn't go for me. to save you from the argument. i don't know if i did. it ended there.

Helena Bonham Carter

“Everybody has an inferiority complex when they step into a room… When I was young I had so many inferiority complexes. I had an inferiority complex because I didn’t go to university…because I didn’t train. Then it gets tiring. And you get bored of it. “Fuck it” is my guiding philosophy.”

Ashton Kutcher

“So it’s really 3 things. The first thing is about opportunity. The second thing is about being sexy. And the third thing is about living life.
So first: opportunity. I believe that opportunity looks a lot like hard work. When I was 13, I had my first job with my dad carrying shingles up to the roof. And then I got a job washing dishes at a restaurant. And then I got a job in a grocery store deli. And then I got a job at a factory sweeping Cheerio dust off the ground. And I’ve never had a job in my life that I was better than; I was always just lucky to have a job. And every job I had was a stepping stone to my next job and I never quit my job until I had my next job. And so opportunities look a lot like work.
Number two: being sexy. The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart. And being thoughtful. And being generous. Everything else is crap! I promise you! It’s just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less, so don’t buy it. Be smart, be thoughtful, and be generous.
The third thing is something that I just relearned when I was making this movie about Steve Jobs. And Steve Jobs said when you grow up, you tend to get told that the world is the way that it is. And that your life is to live your life inside the world and try not to get in too much trouble and maybe get an education and get a job and make some money and have a family. But life can be a lot broader than that when you realize one simple thing. And that is that everything around us that we call life was made up by people that are no smarter than you. And you can build your own things. You can build your own life that other people can live in.
So build a life. Don’t live one; build one, find your opportunities, and always be sexy.”

gopro hero5 VS sjcam4000 wifi

sergeant

neuron degeneration is both a gift and a curse.

Jeff Brown

“We get more compassionate as we evolve. More humble. More subtle. More aware of how little we know. We don’t get superior. We don’t form cults of personality. We don’t think we have it all worked out. If we imagine ourselves ‘all that’, then we have actually devolved. I trust the ones who know a little something but don’t know a whole lot, more than the ones who ‘know it all’. I trust the ones who realize how far they have yet to travel. We have so much more to learn. All of us. Let’s walk together, side by side.”

John Lennon

“They made us believe that each one of us is the half of an orange, and that life only makes sense when you find that other half. They did not tell us that we were born as whole, and that no one in our lives deserve to carry on his back such responsibility of completing what is missing in us: we grow through life by ourselves. If we have good company it’s just more pleasant.”

football club

i've had so much false conversations i couldn't tell between them and the real ones.

dream catcher 20180517

the dream that coincided with reality. kinda.

it was my last day in verizon and i hosted this drinking session with the vzmusic people. had a picture with jasper and rani in the end.

today is my last day with my group. 12000 tickets later, i'm moving to a different one.

hello? hello? hello?

is there anybody in there?
just nod if you can hear me

found it!

My Dearest,

I've missed you very, very much since that last night we were together,
And will hold that night especially in my memories for years to come.
I've been turning it over and over in my mind lately.

I've read your letter through at least four times,
And will probably read it more times before I'm through.

I've been sitting here, looking at your picture,
And getting more homesick every minute.
I've wanted that picture more than anything else I know of,
Except of course, you yourself.

I keep thinking of you darling,
Keep wishing I could be home with you.
I want to leave in the worst possible way so I can come home to see you
But, things don't look so good in that subject.

This war has spoiled a lot of things for everyone I guess.
I've never been so lonesome in my life as I am right now.
I'm completely lost without you darling.
I never realized I could even miss any one person so much.

I just hope it won't be too much longer till I'm able to be with you again
And live a sane and normal life.

in any language

7 And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels,

8 And prevailed not; neither was their place found any more in heaven.

9 And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him

dream catcher 20180516

the weird dream at the public market with the invisible meat stand

oh..

here's the challenge. complete these sentences without saying "fuck".

oh, fuck.

e-what?

adios patria adorada
preparado, apunte, fuego
queridos y queridas
jose rizal mercado
hijos, hijas de putas
los negros ocho ocho
adios amigos gracias
lambada cuando cuando cuando

you're supposed to get lost in the music, not lose the music

earlier i picked up my bass guitar and it didn't feel right. i swapped to my telecaster..didn't feel right. i listened to the recordings of the songs i wrote and they didn't sound right. i haven't touched my notebook for i don't know how long and it sure didn't feel right. and then there was this sudden realization that hit me so hard it sent me straight to bed. i lost it. my only outlet for all sorts of anger and fear and hatred and rage and pain and pleasure. i lost it. i lost the music.

Beau Taplin

"A relationship should not be measured in months or years. It’s the calibre of the memories that matter. Their impact, their permanence, and the degree to which they change you. I’ve had relationships lasting years I can now scarcely recollect, and hours with others that feel like infinities."

where is the splendor?

all our ambitions decay

seven steven

for 5 days, we convince ourselves that we're not suffering just so we can live for 2.

oh really?

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”
— Henry David Thoreau

CONTACT LIGHT

102:45:40 Aldrin: Contact Light.

102:45:43 Armstrong (onboard): Shutdown

102:45:44 Aldrin: Okay. Engine Stop.

102:45:45 Aldrin: ACA out of Detent.

102:45:46 Armstrong: Out of Detent. Auto.

102:45:47 Aldrin: Mode Control, both Auto. Descent Engine Command Override, Off. Engine Arm, Off. 413 is in.

102:45:57 Duke: We copy you down, Eagle.

102:45:58 Armstrong (onboard): Engine arm is off. Houston, Tranquility Base here. The Eagle has landed.

Don DeLillo

“How strange it is. We have these deep terrible lingering fears about ourselves and the people we love. Yet we walk around, talk to people, eat and drink. We manage to function. The feelings are deep and real. Shouldn’t they paralyze us? How is it we can survive them, at least for a little while? We drive a car, we teach a class. How is it no one sees how deeply afraid we were, last night, this morning? Is it something we all hide from each other, by mutual consent? Or do we share the same secret without knowing it? Wear the same disguise?”

Jill Shalvis

“For some unknown reason, success usually occurs in private, while failure occurs in full view.”

Brené Brown

“We are a culture of people who’ve bought into the idea that if we stay busy enough, the truth of our lives won’t catch up with us.”
— Daring Greatly

we, men.

comfort music is a lie we convince ourselves to be comforting.

bon iver

“I think when you spend enough time when it’s quiet around you and you don’t open your mouth for three or four days, there’s parts of your brain that can kind of rest. I think when we’re out in the world and we have to talk to people, we edit ourselves. You know, we have to like, act a little bit. As honest as we may be as humans, when we’re out here, we’re all kind of wearing mirrors on our faces. You know, constantly reacting to how to react to the people around you. And I think when you’re alone for a long enough time, you can feel a lot more peace.”
— Justin Vernon

Charles Bukowski

“Some lose all mind and become soul, insane.
Some lose all soul and become mind, intellectual.
Some lose both and become accepted.”

14 cuss

i stared at that spreadsheet for one straight minute without blinking, hoping the cell contents would change. they didn't.

paris

20180511-12

room 415

miami tower

azure urban resorts

contrast

orcompass

20180504

robin gensel

dream catcher 20180507

umaga. after shift ng graveyard. hinatid ko sa bacoor ang girlfrend kong si kim. at umuwi na ako pagkatapos magpaalam.

sa byahe, binabagtas ko ang east service road ng slex. malapit na sa c5 exit. sa may bandang pup taguig. hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit napakaraming nakalilitong mga kalye. dapat dalawa lang. northbound at southbound. pero hindi. marami ngayon. at kahit saang linya ako pumunta, mali ang napupuntahan ko. laging pasalubong. lilipat ako sa kanan, may kasalubong. preno. urong. lipat sa kaliwa. arangkada. may kasalubong. preno urong. lipat sa kanan. at sa kabilang kanan pa. paulit ulit. hanggang sa naiba na ang eksena.

parehong lugar pero nakasakay na ako sa bus. sa bandang isle ng tatluhang upuan. may katabi akong isang babae sa kaliwa na hindi ko maalala ang mukha. nakatulog ako sa bus. pagising gising maya't maya. mahaba ang byahe dahil sa traffic. paiba-iba ang nakasakay kada gising. hanggang sa makababa na ako sa c5. hindi mukang c5, pero c5 yon.

pagbaba ko, kinapa ko agad ang bulsa ko kagaya ng lagi kong ginagawa. susi, check. wallet, check. cellphone, wala. kabilang bulsa, wala. likod, wala pa rin. wala ang cellphone ko. naisip ko baka kako naiwan ko lang sa bahay ni kim sa bacoor. ok lang. hindi ako nagpanic. kelangan ko lang makauwi agad para makapaglogin sa laptop at maitanong sa kanya kung naiwan ko ba talaga. naglakad na ako.

habang naglalakad, naisip ko na dinukot ko pa pala ang cellphone ko sa bus at ginamit saglit. kumpirmado. nawawala ang cellphone ko. nalaglag? hindi ko alam. nadukot? malamang. tumakbo ako.

hindi ko alam kung bakit pero tindahan agad ang hinanap ko. naghahanap ako ng payphone. habang tumatakbo, kapa-kapa ko pa rin ang wallet ko. pasalamat pa rin na hindi ito nadamay. nakakapa ko ito sa kaliwang bulsa. medyo makapal ng hugis wallet at pakiramdam ng wallet. iyon nga ang wallet ko. nakakita na ako ng tindahan.

busy ang tindera, hindi ko maabala sa pagtatanong kung may payphone ba sya. kahit na kita ko nang may nakapatong na landline sa may maliit na bintana ng tindahan nya. sa di ko alam na dahilan, ang may-ari ng tindahan ay si ate lady guard sa opisina. yung kulot na magaling kumanta. nagbiro pa ako sakanya dahil mukang consruction site yung kadugtong ng tindahan nya. sabi ko "ayos, papagawa ng mansyon ah!". nginitian nya lang ako.

bumalik ako sa bintana ng tindahan para maghintay pa ulit sa paggamit ng payphone. at don ko nakita ang pinsan ng kaibigan ng kapatid ko. si delia. pero hindi nya ito muka. ibang tao. pero lumingon naman sya nung tinawag ko sya.

ako: delia!
"delia": hoy.
ako: andito ka rin pala. san ka dito?

may sinabi syang lugar na diko maalala. parang nag-aalaga daw sya ng bata kung san man.

ako: (dahil gusto kong siguraduhin na sya nga yun kasi iba ang mukha nya) sino ngang pinsan mo?

gusto kong marinig ang sagot nya na "si fish". pero iba ang narinig ko.

"delia": si lola.

hindi na ako sumagot. inisip ko na ibang tao nga yon. pero naisip ko rin kung bakit sya lumingon at sumagot nung tinawag ko sya. gusto ko sanang itanong kung sya ba talaga si delia. pero inip na inip na ako sa paghihintay ng payphone.

inangat ko ang handset. may nagsasalita. biglang tumayo si ate guard. may kausap pala sya sa extension.

ate guard: wag mo iangat. mamaya ka na.

umalis ako. lumipat ako sa katabing tindahan at nagtanong.

ako: may payphone kayo?
tindera: (umiling lang)

lumipat ako sa kabila pang tindahan. may tao, pero hindi na ako nagtanong.

nagmadali akong naglakad. nakarating sa kanto at nakitang may ilang taong nagkakagulo sa maliit na tindahan sa bangketa. lumapit ako. nakita ko dn si miggy ng chicosci. pumipili sya ng dvd na nakahanay sa bangketa.

ako: chavez! dvdx!
miggy: oy! pato! (kilala nya pa ako)

iniwan ko na sila don at patuloy na naglakad pauwi. patakbo. andon na ako sa may bandang vulcanizing shop. isang kanto na lang. kinapa ko ulit yung wallet ko sa kaliwang bulsa. andon pa. kinapa ko ang kanan, may laman na parang maninipis na papel. dinukot ko. pera. naisip ko, wala dapat akong pera sa kanang bulsa kasi hindi naman ako naglalagay ng pera don. pagdukot ko, may bente bente. may mga isandaan. may isang sanlibo. magulo pagkakatupi. iniisip ko bakit nasa kanang bulsa ang pera ko. baka naman dinukot ko ang wallet ko at nilipat ang mga buo sa kabilang bulsa. nilabas ko ang wallet mula sa kaliwang bulsa. tinanggal ang lock. andon pa yung pera ko, nakatupi lahat. pero bakit nadoble ang pera ko? hinugot  ko isa isa. at binuka sa pagkakatupi. putangena, walang imprenta ang likod. lahat sila harap ang ay imprenta. kinabahan na ako. damay din pala ang wallet ko. (actually, card holder pala to, hindi wallet). sinilip ko isa isa yung mga card ko. id. atm. credit card. lisensya. kumpleto. sinubukang kong bunutin yung credit card ko kasi yun lang naman ang agaran nilang mapapakinabangan don. paghugot ko, karton lang! pero parehas na parehas ang print. pati kulay. at karton na nga lahat ng laman ng card holder ko. naiiyak na ako. walang natira sakin. nagmadali na lang ako maglakad.

sa may kanto pagkaliko ko, narinig ko ang boses ng kapatid ko. pero hindi ko pinapansin kasi malapit na naman sa bahay at nagmamadali na ako. tuloy tuloy sya ng pagsigaw.

trigger: tomi! tomi! tomi!

pagliko sa huling kanto, hinintay ko na sya. hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. pagsulpot nya galing sa kanto, akay akay nya ang bunso nyang si poyms. iniisip ko, patay, wala ako ipapakain dito. wala akong kapera pera. nung naabutan na nya ako, sinabi ko na sakanya.

ako: na-hypnotize ako sa bus. walang natira sakin.

tumingin lang sya sakin at di nagsalita. tumuloy nako paglakad papuntang bahay.

pagdating sa harap ng bahay, bukas ang gate. bukas din ang pangalawang gate. kinapa ko agad susi ko, baka nakuha rin. pero pano naman nya nalaman kung san ako nakatira? sa address sa mga id ko? hindi eh, puro provincial address ang andon.

umakyat ako sa hagdan. unang baitang. pangalawa. pangatlo. biglang sumilip si kim, nagluluto sya, may hawak pang sandok at takip ng kaldero.

ako: bat andito ka?
kim: ano ka ba? gabing gabi na. (na parang gusto nya sabihin na maghapon na akong nawawala kaya pinuntahan na nya ako. pero yun lang ang sinabi nya)
.
.
.
naramdaman kong gumalaw ang katawan ko. umikot pala ako sa kama. dumilat. at unti-unti akong bumalik sa realidad. panaginip lang. biglang gumaan ang pakiramdam ko, pero ramdam ko pa rin yung bigat ng dibdib na nadala galing sa panaginip. tuyong tuyo ang bibig ko hanggang lalamunan. basang basa ang leeg ng pawis. parang hindi ko matanggap na bakit hindi ko agad naisip na panaginip lang lahat habang nasa panaginip pa ako. nagagawa ko naman yun madalas. tumingin ako sa orasan. 9:30. mabagal na nagbilang. isang oras. isang oras pa lang akong natutulog. nagmessage agad ako kay kim sa nangyari. tumayo uminom ng tubig. sumindi. at ngayon, isinusulat ko na ito. isa pa, ngayon ko lang naalala, hindi pala delia pangalan nya. dahlia.

naisip ko rin, parang baliktad. hindi ba dapat maghanap ako ng payphone kapag alam ko nang nawawala ang credit card ko? pero naghanap agad ako. hayaan na natin yon.

may ibang kwento pa sa panaginip. mga naunang kwento bago ko pa ihatid si kim sa bacoor. gaya nung nasa bahay ako sa tayabas at karga karga ko si poyms. pero hindi ko maalala ng buo. kaya hindi ko na ikukwento.

tsingtao

saw adrian erlandsson with at the gates (and cradle of filth..kinda) last night at pulp summer slam XVIII with my friend jasper.

the euphoria of listening to his (their) music for one and a half decade and all those things you thought of doing when you see him (them) live all came rushing in in real time and all i can think of is "fuck, i love music"..(and yea, "i'm a drummer"). and this is the one thing i will never want to drift away from. the inevitable process of getting lost in it. the feeling that i live for for decades. the lyrics that you sing at the top of your lungs with all your heart. damn.

@official_adrianerlandsson



other acts worth mentioning
bloody tyrant
crown the empire
jinjer
death angel!
behemoth!!!

she heard

"intensely passionate and at times volatile, but always bound by love"

Rikkie Gale

“I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me… now I look around and wonder if I like them.”

Paramahansa Yogananda

“Millions of people never analyze themselves. Mentally they are mechanical products of the factory of their environment, preoccupied with breakfast, lunch, and dinner, working and sleeping, and going here and there to be entertained. They don’t know what or why they are seeking, nor why they never realize complete happiness and lasting satisfaction. By evading self-analysis, people go on being robots, conditioned by their environment. True self-analysis is the greatest art of progress.”

Jack Kerouac

“I realized these were all the snapshots which our children would look at someday with wonder, thinking their parents had lived smooth, well-ordered lives and got up in the morning to walk proudly on the sidewalks of life, never dreaming the raggedy madness and riot of our actual lives.”