Eddie

  

Häagen-Dazs

wendy, goddamnit!

i seriously miss wendy, goddamnit.

2007.06.26_95

curse me please
til i bleed to death
til you finally realize
that you lost your bet
be the guest of honor
for the bullet from my band
and be the best on what you do
the king of your own wasteland

can't you think with your eyes wide open?
cannot you see who's not and who's broken?

look at yourself
sizzled and all burnt down
why do you think it happened?
and why still hide in your rot-town?
be the guest of honor
for the bullet from my band
and be the best on what you do
the king of your own wasteland

why do you think would i give you a chance
to once again take a brief glance
to something that was once yours
to something you think is still yours?
you lucky bastard is the luckiest indeed
for i haven't put you yet at the top of my shit list
continue on your mockery, yes, please
to give me what you think i deserve, at least


2007.06.26_95

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your name doesn't fit you..or maybe it does.

Elsa Einstein

Elsa Einstein  was the second wife and first cousin of Albert Einstein. Their mothers were sisters but their fathers were first cousins. Elsa had the surname of Einstein at birth, lost it when she took the name of her first husband Max Löwenthal, and regained it in 1919 when she married her cousin Albert.

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i guess greatness includes fucked up.

The Poisonous Cloud

Clara Immerwahr Haber

vitruvianaut

betelgeuse

was it just the beach and the stars
or was it me and you just as far apart?
if we'd count the lightyears it'd take
it will bring us back to the most dense state

would i just be
an earthbound refugee?
trapped in this century
as your eminence dwarfs me

i never knew there could be
an existent galaxy
where everything's as real
but a single byte that fails
how could a few steps feel
a million lightyears away?

purchase infinity
buy me constellations
i'd chase your rarity
'til our violent formation

could you at least reach me down here
or maybe somehow teach me swallow my fear
tired of the templates of our small talks
it just won't get us to the history books

and so i just will
pray to betelgeuse
just up until
the chaos in my head seize


2014.06.25_betelgeuse

2012.06.25_12-01

look at the pieces now
it's as if nothing went as planned
with every word and vow
just got knocked out of hand

what do you do then?
what do you do next?
when do you say then
to put it all to rest

oh, the blood and tears
did they all go to waste?
no, they never did
but where the hell are they now?
where's all their worth?
where's all the know-how?

stare at this empty space
i never thought it'd be this lonely
for i'd never know which was fake
and which was faked genuinely


2012.06.25_12-01

1997.blade runner

we're way behind on our sci-fi dreams

2007.06.04_91

drop those memories that we made together
if you want to, forget all those things i told you
for everything's said and done
now gone away, where would i stay?

i can't breathe
do i still have to breathe?
if you're not here with me

i thought i was winning until i lost bad
can't do nothing with these wounds i never had
before, things were so in control
but pain started to grow
and now i'm alone,well

i can't sleep
i don't think it's that necessary
if you're not here with me

the victory costs way too much hurtin'
and my own destruction is finally at hand
things will never be the same again
i could've sworn to follow you 'til the end

but i'll still wait for you, until next life if it's true


2007.06.04_91

no mercy

summer i woke up to witness
something strange rising from the horizon
i saw it clear, just didn't pay mush attention
so, it broke in..

unnoticeably painful
a single mistake now means torture
a turmoil from one's heart now penetrating on mine
it's here! beware!

show respect, for i once conquered
show mercy, no one's to suffer
we're all here, we all fear
dreams of angels to falter
don't throw it all on me!

the warning was clear
why did i just stare?
the warning was clear
i should've snared

perfect pattern of mystery
exculpated all's self excluding me
how did it all end up with such sullen grace?
as i disappear!

no respect, for one as me
no mercy, for once, i worry
alone here, i fear real
my dreams of angels now falter
why throw them all on me?!


2007.07.10_98_no mercy

2007.06.23_94

i'm getting fed up with this scene
it's like an endless scheme
an endless cycle of my lost hopes and worst dreams
an endless dying hymn

so with this song i face the sacred truth
that falling out is the hardest part
and being (with you / so into you) makes it so damn hard

and what makes this look so old
are things said and blurted out words
honesty sometimes they hurt so bad, i know, i know
and you just lose it all

arguments should really end now
well, i'm trying to, somehow
battle for the last word is the last thing i need
because i foresee whose heart's gonna bleed
it's mine, it's mine


2007.06.23_94

2007.06.23_93

would it ever be known to you
that i'm dying just by looking at you?
and that every time you stop and stare back
the midnight clock stops, finally it feels like
eternity is at hand, soon..soon..but..

would it ever be soon enough
to just sit back
and watch you close to me
closer, closer i hope you will be

have you ever  sworn eye to eye
with all exception of lies
to me that, i'm at that place
where i think i should be

would you ever be aware of
things that could mean us
things you see, are things that happen in a sudden
that i'm sullen, too ill tempered
rendered apologies invalid, denied..and

would it ever be denied
hopes that're already broken
an flush them down
completely, completely unable to frown..

have you ever met my eyes
to swear out of lies
swear that, i'm at that place
where i think i should be


2007.06.23_93

bound to the floor

every time i see you
every night i see you in my dreams
everything is vanishing

every time i breathe
i stop and think about you
it's making me weak

will you take me?
will you lead me to your door
will you save me?
i am bound to the floor

when i think of you
suddenly i'm blue
reminding me, i can't reach you

your wings are stronger
i'm too small
you fly higher
i'm bound to the floor
can i come with you
way up there
coz i'm bound to the floor
and i don't want to be anymore

you're in your own space
deep inside i feel pain
but i will patiently wait
every time i close my eyes
i think and realize
that some things don't happen
i cry
i cry


2004.06.23_A06-07_bound to the floor

2007.01.10_75

my heart lies, unease
falling debris
from a wound shot in my head
makes me feel like i'm dead

ashes had been blown away
being lost with my dismay
tomorrow might never come
i need to savour these

go laugh at my words
and take over my world
you don't need to be my hero
as you wake up
i hope you figure out
what i am about
i don't have to (say it / scream out)
(a little time's enough)

and the silence goes on
hope it won't last for far too long
though my dormant mouth still lingers on the surface
i still try to make you feel like you're the perfect one
(quit wond'rin if you're still wond'rin)

let's not breathe a word
for i'd dreamed that you've said everything
but you never meant anything
yes, you didn't mean anything!

a telephone ring might quite bring my life back!


2007.01.10_75

sebo

sa panahong lumilipas
sa daming nakilala
ikaw na lang ang natira
ikaw pang walang puso para sa akin

subalit kung iisipin
ganyan talaga ang buhay
kung lilipad sa hangin
maitim na ulap ang aagapay

luhang bumasa sa unan ko
piniga, bumaha sa buong kuwarto
pagod na ang matang lumuluha pa rin
pasan ang sakit na di mo man lang napansin

patuloy pa rin
patuloy pa ring

yayakap sa dingding
kisame'y aabutin
hahalik sa hangin
pikit-mata, ikaw ang iisipin


2007.01.28_78_sebo

MV Steve

today, one of my bestfriends saw this guy. i'm happy.

saling pusa

damn.

zira

we force ourselves into the city and exhaust its guts edge to edge.

the city is tired. and so we should be.

jab straight

the reasons to leave are quickly piling up..

clifford

let it be known that it is tonight that i am fully isolating myself from the music industry.

pallas

"i've never seen anyone drop off the map like that..i've looked everywhere possible..it's almost like she died..but no epitaph..no nothing.."

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facebook post
Monday, June 16, 2014 at 1:21pm UTC+08

i lost count

i totally forgot the other one..

buffet

you're my own tunguska event
20140921
tramway buffet garden, timog

stories from the end of the rope

timestamp

through the covered glass, she emerges at times

now i would have to trickle through the seams
but your metaphor still pierces my dreams

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facebook post

Thursday, June 5, 2014 at 8:06am UTC+08

"pupunta ako sa lugar na walang nakakakilala sa akin"

2006 roxas boulevard
2007 manila north cemetery
2008 manila north cemetery
2009 manila north cemetery
2010 manila north cemetery
2011 puerto galera
2012 cebu-bohol
2013 baguio
2014 baguio-atok
2105 santiago, isabela
2016 sagada-baguio
2017 pagudpod-vigan-la union

dream catcher 20170609

eto ang naaalala ko. isang bahay sa pagudpod, mainit sa labas. maliwanag sa likod ng kurtina. kasama ko ang "the kids", pero si becca at si yass lang ang nakita ko. di ko nakita si riz at denise pero parang naririnig ko rin sila na nagsasalita galing sa kabilang kwarto. may pinapahanap si becca sa bag ko, sunblock ata, diko matandaan. tinutulungan ako ni yass. parang may pupuntahan kami at kelangan nila yon, malamang sunblock nga. tapos naputol na..

nasa vigan na ako, na di naman mukang vigan. sa isang restaurant. nanay daw ni kuya ra ang may-ari. andon sila. naghihintay daw ako ng bus pauwi, kagaya nung naghihintay ako ng bus sa la union. inaalok nila ako ng pagkain, baunin ko daw sa byahe. sinama ako sa kusina, tinuro saking yung kutsinta. dumampot ako ng tatlo, nilagay sa plastic at dinala sa labas. habang nakaupo at kumakain, napansin ko biglang may porkchop na sa plastic. nakaipit sa kutsinta. kutsinta - pork chop - kutsinta - pork chop - kutsinta. tuloy lang sa pagkain. maraming bus ang dumadaan. may byaheng pasay. hindi ko alam pero may byaheng fairview. pero cubao ang hinihintay ko. biglang dumating si mich. tumabi sakin sa upuan. binaba ang bag at naghubad ng boots. may kinakalikot sya sa selpon nya. nagiinstall daw sila ng wifi don sa restaurant. parang may pinagusapan ata kami, medyo mahaba, pero diko matandaan. tumayo sya at pumasok. naiwan akong kumakain ng pork kutsinta. paubos na. may nakita akong parating na bus. cubao. nasa loob sila ng restaurant. tumayo ako at tumawid. di na ako nakapag-paalam. sumigaw na lang ako ng "eto na ang bus ko!" may narinig akong sumagot, "ingat!" hindi ko alam kung sino. sumakay na ako.

marami pang eksena ang nawawala. mga eksenang di ko na maalala. o diko alam kung sang parte nangyari. kagaya nung tindera ng bibingka sa hintayan ng bus. alam ko mahaba yun istorya sa pagudpod kasama ang mga kids. pero diko na maalala.

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recent reality correlation

"the kids" - nameet ko sila sa la union, hindi sa pagudpod

kuya ra - katext ko last week

kutsinta - kinain ko kila mami tita

mich a- sya lang yung walang recent interaction na nadamay dito

u exit

i should've never gone there. now i have to know you exist. fuck.

FINISH LINE: ATOK-YO DRIFT

a decade of wondering whether i'd max out at 27. a number obsession. born in '86, a saturday. 27 in '13. such perfect details. it became a number to achieve. a number to overcome. made no plans beyond that point. with thoughts of either success or failure, 28 was always blurry.

oh look! i survived!

sumakay ng bus sa cauayan. nag-taxi sa cubao. jumingle sa makati. nagpa-gas sa malolos. nagbangka sa calumpit. nag-hotdog sa tarlac. nagpa-gas sa san manuel. natrapik sa kennon. naligaw sa baguio. nag-lunch sa hotel. bumiling panghilod sa sm. naghanap ng bar sa nevada. nakakita ng nagsusuntukan sa session road. nakatulog ng naka-medyas. nagpa-gas sa bonifacio st.. hinabol ng aso sa brgy. ambassador. bumangking sa halsema hi-way. at nagkape sa atok.

seventy four hundred feet above sea level. seventy four hundred feet away from the politics of my shitty life. seventy four hundred feet closer to escape. if only my motorcycle has sufficient propulsion system given its weight plus mine and reach escape velocity (and not just 90+kph), oh, i'd go all the way up. oh well.

P.S. i need a bigger bike.

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facebook post
Monday, June 2, 2014 at 12:36pm UTC+08

flora and fauna

"I would request that my body, in death, be buried not cremated, so that the energy content contained within it gets returned to the earth so that flora and fauna can dine upon it just as i have dined upon flora and fauna throughout my life."

-neil degrasse tyson

fwf

fine, wendy. fine.