dream catcher 20170925 (an hour of you)

september 25, monday morning, about half past 8, after having breakfast at home after work, i decided to sleep early for i needed to visit the bank before it closes down later that afternoon. and so i slept..and dreamt.

this was a lucid one.

here it goes.

premise was. we were in this car, parked in front of our house in quezon. you were in the back seat and i was in the driver's seat. car was right hand drive though, i don't know why. anyway, my seat was reclined full backwards and i was kinda lying on my side talking to you. we were talking and you were all smiles and laughing a lot. at this point, the girl didn't exactly look like you at all. but it was you. you know how dreams tell you things that didn't seem right? that was what's happening. she didn't look like you, but she was you. then we decided to go for a drive. i was kinda daring you to come with me somewhere and you agreed but only if..

you: are you gonna drive for me?
me: i thought you were gonna drive?
you: no, you drive. like you're a taxi driver. (kinda like a play along thing)

at this time, the car was left hand drive already.

then..next clip was we were at this road that kinda looked like the road in 'munting bayan' in my town and at this time, it was apparent that we were looking for a hotel. we saw this 3 storey road side hotel with green glass facade and a pretty garden and i pointed that to you.

me: we can try there.

but we drove past it already. and came to my mind was there's this sogo hotel branch in riverside (also in my town -- the place, not the hotel). and so i suggested that to you and you said ok. when we were about to park, there was this ramp that goes down to the parking spot and for some reasons, i couldn't drive off of it. someone was already helping and we decided to get off. at this time, the car shrunk to toy car size and i was standing over it trying to get it down the ramp. and then the helper guy decided to carry it down and park it himself. and then, it turns out we have another car -- your car. and you parked it beside this other building. while you were doing so, i was recording it, trying to get your car plate into the picture (maybe because i'd like to show it to your cousin and my friend, ej) but for some reasons, i just couldn't. it was almost like there was something blocking me to go around the car to get your plate in the video. and then you came out so i had to stop recording.

so we went in front of the hotel and i saw the reception area and went it. next thing was that you were gone and i was looking for you. you were at the opposite side of the hotel with a rope and it went --

me: anong ginagawa mo dyan?
you: tara, tawirin natin yung lagoon, (by the way, while all of this was happening, i just felt amazed and kinda proud of myself that you were talking to me in tagalog)
me: anong lagoon? walang lagoon dyan.
you: meron! yung bilog!
me: ah, yung layon! (i don't know the exact translation but it was kinda like a lagoon. maybe it is)
you: oo yung malaki.
me: wala yun dyan. andon yun don sa malapit samin. alam mo yung piano room ni ermileen? (she's a neighbor. also i was trying to make an invisible map with my hand gestures). yun, dun pa sa banda don, may kalye papasok. dun yung daan papunta don. wala dyan.

conversation ended. we're already outside the room and i was holding the key. we went in. i looked down the table and noticed there were unfinished food on it. and also a lit up cigarette on the ashtray. and i was thinking, it might be the wrong room. someone was staying there already. and when i looked back at you, you already took off your top, looking sideways in the mirror, naked from waist up. at that time, you looked exactly how i knew you. the face, the built of your body, even the hair style. then i saw this relatively old guy walking straight to our door. i pushed you aside to the bathroom and opened the main door. the guy went it and called a couple more guys to clean up. they changed the beds (there were 2)-- literally changed the beds, like in seconds, there was a totally different bed in there. and then you walked out from the bathroom, already in your robe. you sat down. at this time, there was this old woman sitting beside you. don't know where she came from, when she appeared, or why she's there. anyway, i saw the clothes you took off on the bedside and told you to go grab 'em since the guys were still cleaning up. and when you stood up, you left your wallet on the stool and i stared at it coz i kinda know that this old woman was up for no good. probably she didn't notice i was there, but she took something from your wallet. i went crazy on her coz she stole from you and grabbed her by the neck and pushed her down the floor and just started stomping on her face. at that time, her head turned into this huge soap that had her face in it. then there was this other woman shouting at me saying "yari ka kay madam rosa!". (like who the fuck is madam rosa? who the fuck are these people anyway?). so then, i threw the soap bar out and i went back to the room.

i went back to the room. i went back to you. and you were gone. and it almost like i went there alone. i didn't look for you. i didn't think about you. it didn't feel like the room was one person less. i just did something i don't particularly remember. and then everything started fading out. and i woke up.

my alarm was set to 14:35. i felt i slept really long. i thought the alarm went off. i looked at my phone -- 09:47.

fuck. only an hour had past. i was still feeling kinda nauseous and light headed. i haven't had a lucid one in awhile. i didn't get up. i wanna go back to sleep. i wanna go back to the room. i wanna go back to you. and it was one of those instances where i know that if i can go back to the dream, since i went conscious for a minute, i can somehow influence the scenes that would follow. i know i can. i've done it. multiple times. and then i did.

i went back to the dream world. i was in the same room. probably not the exact same one, but it was a room. and all kind of thoughts came rushing in and through the dream, but none of them included you. i was already trying to build this conversation that i would have with ej on how i'd tell her about this dream. and all other things came piling up into the dream and i felt like i was still remembering all of them but somehow i got lost in it and just fell really deep and drowned all the residual consciousness i got left.

i had you.

lapj

===============================

the fire is out. almost.

and so we had it once
and yes, you heard it right
things have been convincing lately
that this is from my last life
i'm not sure how to do it
but let me handle it this time
four pairs of summer and autumn
are starting to commit sins for a night

your goodbye never got me home
i swear on my life, it's true
if it wasn't for destiny
i'd still be bleeding for you
cause no vault had been locked
the door's still wide open
that year's still on my clock
and i want it forgotten

now my gauge is saying
i'm having a hard time breathing

you started to apologize
then i started asking why's
and you were just repeating your words
i was not alright
when i said,"it's alright."
believe me, that was a fake smile i wore

somethin's droppin' on this paper
i'm pretty sure it's not red
i've done no leverage
can you please tell me i'm dead?
it is time for my vindication
but how the fuck can i deliver
if i'm so dreary from asphyxiation
on your words that sounded evil?

can you still visualize
the stairway and the tower
the moon and her power
your eyes, your tears
your words, your lips
and my world that crashed into the realm of make-believe?
it's not alright.
it's not alright.

2010.08.04_10-07_the fire is out.almost.