bawat umaga

isang balikwas ang gumising sa ating nakaraan
panaginip na gumigilid sa lutang na isipan
pintig ay bumibilis na halos walang patlang
ngunit di na kasing tamis gaya ng nagdaan

isang tambak na litrato na ang binasura
tatlong sakong ala-ala saan na nga ba napunta?
kahon-kahong pag-ibig na isinantabi muna
balde-baldeng luha lumulunod sa mga mata

sa pagtayo nagpapanting aking mga taynga
alulong ng iyong tinig, takdang di nag-iisa
sa pagkibo ramdam ang yapak ng 'yong paa
guni-guni'y nagmumungkahing ika'y naririto pa

sa kabila ng suhestiyon ng gising na kamalayan
sa silid na nagkukulong ng lihim mong hakbang
nakagapos, nakapiit, di makayang alpasan
pighating tinitimpi, sunong ng katotohanan

20160822-bawat umaga

===============================

http://freedomofcontent.org/?p=187

the first chase

i know you're still sleeping
but your silence does not change
we leave in the morning
thought i'd be hopping on the wrong plane

it fucks up my comprehension
how you turn things in slow motion
but i could stare at you all night, all day
until everything fades

our beloved daytime
could end in a first bite
the lights're so bright
this shoreline's a perfect place
with you and me tonight

the sun set square on your back
didn't stop me from staring
i could tell myself this lie all i want
but who am i fooling?

i could give you a pinky promise
or please choose a stranger's kiss
i swear i'll chase you down, but i can't go
unless you want me to

2014.02.19_the first chase

===============================

her name was jane.

2011.12.25_11-16-untitled

this scene is exactly like
the dream i had last night
with your eyes of fire
starin' back at mine
please don't wake me up

don't speak so much of us
i might gain your trust
when it's so unlikely to
see just us two
please do not wake up

just please don't
just please don't

well this isn't makeshift
(i guess) i can tell
if you'd just spill it out
i promise i won't be scared

love, it might not be the word
or maybe it is, it just sound absurd
but what the hell

just don't dream so much
it might lead you somewhere else
for it doesn't get more real
this is what i'm supposed to feel
let us not wake up

2011.12.25_11-16

===============================

and so this is christmas..and what have you done.

merry

one last drink on your last bottle
then we are out of here
one last sip, then i'm a goner
i will not be takin' it
i will not be takin' it

ooohhh..

i could never say
things got out of hand
to-ing and fro-ing ang kissing
maybe it went a little out of hand

when you told me what you wanted
well i want it, too, then, but
will you still love me in the morning
while your brassiere is still missing?

one last kiss goodnight
the cab's waiting for that last bite
your hands slipped, then you're a goner
but i will mock the stars tonight
i will mock the stars tonight

i could never say
things got out of hand
to-ing and fro-ing ang kissing
well it did go a little out of hand

may so, maybe not
maybe never again, but
we got it pretty
we had it pretty short-lived
i had you, pretty
and it was awesome, i admit

2014.02.19_merry

===============================
and so this is christmas..and what have you done.  (part 2)

cape canaveral

"This is Cape Canaveral. The tower is clear."

"She's all yours Houston."

2011.11.28_11-15-untitled

it's been a month too long
and i still think what i did was wrong
i've been indirectly asking for forgiveness
coz i know she wouldn't understand
she'd never understand..

each spin of this world
bends waters and cracks floors
but nothing ever really ended it
when would i say "that's it."?
when should i?

it's getting cold
i have no one to hold
i have nothing to hold
onto..

(i always think / i'd always wish)
you'd go (looking for me / running to me)
like i do and never stopped
(and i won't / please don't) go any farther
this is far enough
this has been far enough

it's just amazing
remembering to fall in between
those few words that slipped through the awkwardness
probably less than a hundred
more than enough..

and in my dream, i saw us two
and she said "the rain's not gonna stop just for you"
and i told her "i'm not even asking for it to"
and i told me "i'm not even asking for it to"

2011.11.28_11-15

===============================

her name was kath

construct/destruct

it began with that extra step forward i took
long before, i thought it was impossible
though i've always wanted to end on such incidents
then it grew large inside this small box
and what was led by one thing led into another
like a quotidian fever, it kept on coming
scenario by scenario, i managed to seize everything and everyone..in my hands..firm..

then it all broke
the shattering pieces can be heard from where i stood
the pain was silent but consumed more than i could
now i scare myself to death
fearing my own threat
fearing myself to destruct

it seems like i deserve everything from start until the end
i craved for it and worked hard to stand where i am now
but what it took me years to dream and build just collapsed in a gesture of my own hands
it was so fine, though imperfect
with this power that i hold, i conquered
then it all broke

i was once told that every power comes with a price
that sometimes it may not look like a power at all
on the contrary, a curse..

2006.11.03_69_construct destruct

2006.11.06_70-untitled

you never gave my phone a ring
after some things started to change everything
i guess i'm dealing with the consequences
and things will never be the same again

i knew it, i knew it
but just for the record
i didn't do it, i didn't
we did..

what we've done is done
we can never go back to that very second
that we've crossed the border
until we were down for the count

a misfortune in disguise
wakin' up with shut closed eyes
feelin' my lips gently touching yours
arms clasped, making things worse
and with the intervention of the night
our lips made their first bite
and now that everything's gone and changed
i guess no one should be blamed
i didn't do it, i didn't
we did..

2006.11.06_70

===============================

lost for words with this one. i remember exactly how it happened.

2006.11.21_71-untitled

an aphrodisiac in a fairy gown
from her pedestal home, she stepped way down
to play, to tease, to teach, to twitch
then to wash hands from her being whore-ible bitch
she came to me
she came to me

burnin' soul behind that angelic face
she made me step in her own endless maze
evading my flame but catching every thought
refraining from what i showed and what i really ought
i thought i lost
i thought i lost

she never failed to make me come

now under this moonlight i pray
(for my tarot to change / coz my tarot just changed) what they say
above unto her she (shall scream / screamed) in agony
in pleasure
in mystery
in wonder how her tongue clasped mine
spent (done)

the porcelain that covers her were uncovered to leash and release every desire
been longing to tear free, and strayed
"oh! breeze! whirling above me! do what you want! what you think is necessary!
what you think is sacred for you and me!"
with her belligerence in full swing, we came together!
lying flat on my back i told her
"lie here by my side! let's keep coming throughout the night!"

"you think giving you a carnal rite is wrong?
then why would you strike me with such infinite lust?
why did you let me suffer,
then let me see what you know i must?"
it's going to be done..
it's going to be done..

2006.11.21_71

2006.11.27_72-untitled

for as long as you're coming here
you are so killing me
with the fact that i'd do anything
with the fact that i can't do nothing
with the facts <fucks> in my mind
stirring to try to conquer yours

from the colors that i can see
and faces you've shown me
i can feel you want me, too
i can't feel you want me, too
i..cunt..feel me in you!
trick me into your world

just lie (to / with) me
and tell me there's nothing to worry
and tell me nothing can separate us
no, nothing
unless i wake up..(without you)

with my delusions in the ether
intertwining with the emancipation of the flames inside me
that'd gone out of my control since you came
let me feel <fill> you
your luminescence that gathered myself back together..

2006.11.27_72

elusion snippet

be with me in this flight
so you could bury me in the sky
coz i know i don't belong anywhere here

2014.03.11_elusion

dial 2-0-0-sex

"Hello? I'm looking for Michelle."

"Hi, this is Michelle speaking."

"Hi! I'm not sure if you remember me. This is Tom."

"Tom? Tom from college?"

"Yes."

"Tom! Hi Tom, how are you?"

"Great. Anyway, we had phone sex 10 years ago. I'd like to follow up on that."

"What?!"

waking hour

it was the perfect timing.
or so i thought.
you implied i made you realize you should be happy.
and not feel alone.
and go some place safe.
where nobody could hurt you.
where nobody knows you.
but me.
with me.
you said i was different.
i tried to accept the thought.
i tried to cover up the obvious.
you said you were different.
you said we are descendants of the same species.
yes. you were different.
but i am not.
you kept doing things i didn't quite understand.
and i think i would never understand.
i was thinking of asking you.
how do you do it?
but no.
i just asked that to myself.
how do you do it?
i really don't get it.
and i kept asking that for quite some time.
i'm still asking the same question to this day.
but i think i get it now.
i don't get it.
yes, you were right.
you were different.
different from the crowd.
but you are not the only one.
yes.
you heard it right.
you are just one of them.
no difference at all.
i know you.
i know your kind.
not that i didn't see it coming.
because i did.
i was not blindsided.
but i just did not pay much attention.
i knew it was coming right at me.
but i did not give a damn.
so here i am.
still the same broken piece of shard left from the numerous explosions.
never fixed.
never will be.
the funny thing is that.
i am feeling like i lost it.
but this lone feeling constantly makes me realize i did not.
i never had it in the first place.
i felt floating there for a moment.
but then it was just in my head.
it is the reality.
it is my reality.
my feet are still ground bound.
the most frustrating part is.
your hands looked exactly like the one i'd hold forever.
but something kept on telling me i am not designed for forever.
and i'm pretty sure you aren't as well.
i really thought it would work.
i wanted to.
but you clearly said you didn't.
i made valiant actions.
and you were just being yourself the whole time.
you said you weren't complaining.
and that i should not.
and just keep things the way they were.
i became ready.
as your escape.
but you started hoisting me down the spiral.
i felt like a tornado of water going down the drain.
useless.
you are good.
you got game.
i tried to fight back.
but my resistance was futile.
i have issues.
yes.
but clearly you do too.
i want to think you slipped away, out of my arms.
make it sound more like a greek novel.
but clearly, it wasn't what happened.
that is something i could never answer.
what really happened.
i knew it.
you are just another verse on this long journal.
another verse i didn't finish.
another part i won't forget for a long time.
another part i will always go back to.
another part i could never stop looking back to.
i didn't stop.
you did.
you see.
the sky was blue.
it still is.
but not for long.
not for long.


2013.10.22_waking hour