it was the perfect timing.
or so i thought.
you implied i made you realize you should be happy.
and not feel alone.
and go some place safe.
where nobody could hurt you.
where nobody knows you.
but me.
with me.
you said i was different.
i tried to accept the thought.
i tried to cover up the obvious.
you said you were different.
you said we are descendants of the same species.
yes. you were different.
but i am not.
you kept doing things i didn't quite understand.
and i think i would never understand.
i was thinking of asking you.
how do you do it?
but no.
i just asked that to myself.
how do you do it?
i really don't get it.
and i kept asking that for quite some time.
i'm still asking the same question to this day.
but i think i get it now.
i don't get it.
yes, you were right.
you were different.
different from the crowd.
but you are not the only one.
yes.
you heard it right.
you are just one of them.
no difference at all.
i know you.
i know your kind.
not that i didn't see it coming.
because i did.
i was not blindsided.
but i just did not pay much attention.
i knew it was coming right at me.
but i did not give a damn.
so here i am.
still the same broken piece of shard left from the numerous explosions.
never fixed.
never will be.
the funny thing is that.
i am feeling like i lost it.
but this lone feeling constantly makes me realize i did not.
i never had it in the first place.
i felt floating there for a moment.
but then it was just in my head.
it is the reality.
it is my reality.
my feet are still ground bound.
the most frustrating part is.
your hands looked exactly like the one i'd hold forever.
but something kept on telling me i am not designed for forever.
and i'm pretty sure you aren't as well.
i really thought it would work.
i wanted to.
but you clearly said you didn't.
i made valiant actions.
and you were just being yourself the whole time.
you said you weren't complaining.
and that i should not.
and just keep things the way they were.
i became ready.
as your escape.
but you started hoisting me down the spiral.
i felt like a tornado of water going down the drain.
useless.
you are good.
you got game.
i tried to fight back.
but my resistance was futile.
i have issues.
yes.
but clearly you do too.
i want to think you slipped away, out of my arms.
make it sound more like a greek novel.
but clearly, it wasn't what happened.
that is something i could never answer.
what really happened.
i knew it.
you are just another verse on this long journal.
another verse i didn't finish.
another part i won't forget for a long time.
another part i will always go back to.
another part i could never stop looking back to.
i didn't stop.
you did.
you see.
the sky was blue.
it still is.
but not for long.
not for long.
2013.10.22_waking hour
or so i thought.
you implied i made you realize you should be happy.
and not feel alone.
and go some place safe.
where nobody could hurt you.
where nobody knows you.
but me.
with me.
you said i was different.
i tried to accept the thought.
i tried to cover up the obvious.
you said you were different.
you said we are descendants of the same species.
yes. you were different.
but i am not.
you kept doing things i didn't quite understand.
and i think i would never understand.
i was thinking of asking you.
how do you do it?
but no.
i just asked that to myself.
how do you do it?
i really don't get it.
and i kept asking that for quite some time.
i'm still asking the same question to this day.
but i think i get it now.
i don't get it.
yes, you were right.
you were different.
different from the crowd.
but you are not the only one.
yes.
you heard it right.
you are just one of them.
no difference at all.
i know you.
i know your kind.
not that i didn't see it coming.
because i did.
i was not blindsided.
but i just did not pay much attention.
i knew it was coming right at me.
but i did not give a damn.
so here i am.
still the same broken piece of shard left from the numerous explosions.
never fixed.
never will be.
the funny thing is that.
i am feeling like i lost it.
but this lone feeling constantly makes me realize i did not.
i never had it in the first place.
i felt floating there for a moment.
but then it was just in my head.
it is the reality.
it is my reality.
my feet are still ground bound.
the most frustrating part is.
your hands looked exactly like the one i'd hold forever.
but something kept on telling me i am not designed for forever.
and i'm pretty sure you aren't as well.
i really thought it would work.
i wanted to.
but you clearly said you didn't.
i made valiant actions.
and you were just being yourself the whole time.
you said you weren't complaining.
and that i should not.
and just keep things the way they were.
i became ready.
as your escape.
but you started hoisting me down the spiral.
i felt like a tornado of water going down the drain.
useless.
you are good.
you got game.
i tried to fight back.
but my resistance was futile.
i have issues.
yes.
but clearly you do too.
i want to think you slipped away, out of my arms.
make it sound more like a greek novel.
but clearly, it wasn't what happened.
that is something i could never answer.
what really happened.
i knew it.
you are just another verse on this long journal.
another verse i didn't finish.
another part i won't forget for a long time.
another part i will always go back to.
another part i could never stop looking back to.
i didn't stop.
you did.
you see.
the sky was blue.
it still is.
but not for long.
not for long.
2013.10.22_waking hour
