at 11:59 i will grab a knife so i could feel like i'm actually killing 2016.
Saturday, 31 December 2016
Wednesday, 28 December 2016
Sunday, 25 December 2016
Friday, 23 December 2016
no more nomor
countless times i got what i thought i've always wanted and turned out it isn't that great. some i even waited for decades. the endless disappointment. there's this part of the process where the wanting stays at the peak for so long and then plummets down to below zero once i get it. a thing, a feeling, a person. the pure ecstasy of the chase and the waiting game. the sheer excitement with close encounters. then the sudden disappointment of the having. not so much that i seem to appreciate anything or anyone i possess. which throughout these years slowly sent me to an island of myself. a giant transparent enveloping bubble. makes me feel untouchable, but nevertheless very much vulnerable. engulfed by the rhetoric blabbers that comprises most of the voices in my head that runs 24x7. the false belief of grandiose entitlement. and the ever contradicting self by-laws. my system is broken. it does not work anymore. or maybe it never did.
Science and the Indian Tradition: When Einstein Met Tagore
EINSTEIN: Do you believe in the Divine as isolated from the world?
TAGORE: Not isolated. The infinite personality of Man comprehends the Universe. There cannot be anything that cannot be subsumed by the human personality, and this proves that the Truth of the Universe is human Truth.
I have taken a scientific fact to explain this — Matter is composed of protons and electrons, with gaps between them; but matter may seem to be solid. Similarly humanity is composed of individuals, yet they have their interconnection of human relationship, which gives living unity to man’s world. The entire universe is linked up with us in a similar manner, it is a human universe. I have pursued this thought through art, literature and the religious consciousness of man.
EINSTEIN: There are two different conceptions about the nature of the universe: (1) The world as a unity dependent on humanity. (2) The world as a reality independent of the human factor.
TAGORE: When our universe is in harmony with Man, the eternal, we know it as Truth, we feel it as beauty.
EINSTEIN: This is the purely human conception of the universe.
TAGORE: There can be no other conception. This world is a human world — the scientific view of it is also that of the scientific man. There is some standard of reason and enjoyment which gives it Truth, the standard of the Eternal Man whose experiences are through our experiences.
EINSTEIN: This is a realization of the human entity.
TAGORE: Yes, one eternal entity. We have to realize it through our emotions and activities. We realized the Supreme Man who has no individual limitations through our limitations. Science is concerned with that which is not confined to individuals; it is the impersonal human world of Truths. Religion realizes these Truths and links them up with our deeper needs; our individual consciousness of Truth gains universal significance. Religion applies values to Truth, and we know this Truth as good through our own harmony with it.
EINSTEIN: Truth, then, or Beauty is not independent of Man?
TAGORE: No.
EINSTEIN: If there would be no human beings any more, the Apollo of Belvedere would no longer be beautiful.
TAGORE: No.
EINSTEIN: I agree with regard to this conception of Beauty, but not with regard to Truth.
TAGORE: Why not? Truth is realized through man.
EINSTEIN: I cannot prove that my conception is right, but that is my religion.
TAGORE: Beauty is in the ideal of perfect harmony which is in the Universal Being; Truth the perfect comprehension of the Universal Mind. We individuals approach it through our own mistakes and blunders, through our accumulated experiences, through our illumined consciousness — how, otherwise, can we know Truth?
EINSTEIN: I cannot prove scientifically that Truth must be conceived as a Truth that is valid independent of humanity; but I believe it firmly. I believe, for instance, that the Pythagorean theorem in geometry states something that is approximately true, independent of the existence of man. Anyway, if there is a reality independent of man, there is also a Truth relative to this reality; and in the same way the negation of the first engenders a negation of the existence of the latter.
TAGORE: Truth, which is one with the Universal Being, must essentially be human, otherwise whatever we individuals realize as true can never be called truth – at least the Truth which is described as scientific and which only can be reached through the process of logic, in other words, by an organ of thoughts which is human. According to Indian Philosophy there is Brahman, the absolute Truth, which cannot be conceived by the isolation of the individual mind or described by words but can only be realized by completely merging the individual in its infinity. But such a Truth cannot belong to Science. The nature of Truth which we are discussing is an appearance – that is to say, what appears to be true to the human mind and therefore is human, and may be called maya or illusion.
EINSTEIN: So according to your conception, which may be the Indian conception, it is not the illusion of the individual, but of humanity as a whole.
TAGORE: The species also belongs to a unity, to humanity. Therefore the entire human mind realizes Truth; the Indian or the European mind meet in a common realization.
EINSTEIN: The word species is used in German for all human beings, as a matter of fact, even the apes and the frogs would belong to it.
TAGORE: In science we go through the discipline of eliminating the personal limitations of our individual minds and thus reach that comprehension of Truth which is in the mind of the Universal Man.
EINSTEIN: The problem begins whether Truth is independent of our consciousness.
TAGORE: What we call truth lies in the rational harmony between the subjective and objective aspects of reality, both of which belong to the super-personal man.
EINSTEIN: Even in our everyday life we feel compelled to ascribe a reality independent of man to the objects we use. We do this to connect the experiences of our senses in a reasonable way. For instance, if nobody is in this house, yet that table remains where it is.
TAGORE: Yes, it remains outside the individual mind, but not the universal mind. The table which I perceive is perceptible by the same kind of consciousness which I possess.
EINSTEIN: If nobody would be in the house the table would exist all the same — but this is already illegitimate from your point of view — because we cannot explain what it means that the table is there, independently of us.
Our natural point of view in regard to the existence of truth apart from humanity cannot be explained or proved, but it is a belief which nobody can lack — no primitive beings even. We attribute to Truth a super-human objectivity; it is indispensable for us, this reality which is independent of our existence and our experience and our mind — though we cannot say what it means.
TAGORE: Science has proved that the table as a solid object is an appearance and therefore that which the human mind perceives as a table would not exist if that mind were naught. At the same time it must be admitted that the fact, that the ultimate physical reality is nothing but a multitude of separate revolving centres of electric force, also belongs to the human mind.
In the apprehension of Truth there is an eternal conflict between the universal human mind and the same mind confined in the individual. The perpetual process of reconciliation is being carried on in our science, philosophy, in our ethics. In any case, if there be any Truth absolutely unrelated to humanity then for us it is absolutely non-existing.
It is not difficult to imagine a mind to which the sequence of things happens not in space but only in time like the sequence of notes in music. For such a mind such conception of reality is akin to the musical reality in which Pythagorean geometry can have no meaning. There is the reality of paper, infinitely different from the reality of literature. For the kind of mind possessed by the moth which eats that paper literature is absolutely non-existent, yet for Man’s mind literature has a greater value of Truth than the paper itself. In a similar manner if there be some Truth which has no sensuous or rational relation to the human mind, it will ever remain as nothing so long as we remain human beings.
EINSTEIN: Then I am more religious than you are!
TAGORE: My religion is in the reconciliation of the Super-personal Man, the universal human spirit, in my own individual being.
http://www.brainpickings.org/2012/04/27/when-einstein-met-tagore/
TAGORE: Not isolated. The infinite personality of Man comprehends the Universe. There cannot be anything that cannot be subsumed by the human personality, and this proves that the Truth of the Universe is human Truth.
I have taken a scientific fact to explain this — Matter is composed of protons and electrons, with gaps between them; but matter may seem to be solid. Similarly humanity is composed of individuals, yet they have their interconnection of human relationship, which gives living unity to man’s world. The entire universe is linked up with us in a similar manner, it is a human universe. I have pursued this thought through art, literature and the religious consciousness of man.
EINSTEIN: There are two different conceptions about the nature of the universe: (1) The world as a unity dependent on humanity. (2) The world as a reality independent of the human factor.
TAGORE: When our universe is in harmony with Man, the eternal, we know it as Truth, we feel it as beauty.
EINSTEIN: This is the purely human conception of the universe.
TAGORE: There can be no other conception. This world is a human world — the scientific view of it is also that of the scientific man. There is some standard of reason and enjoyment which gives it Truth, the standard of the Eternal Man whose experiences are through our experiences.
EINSTEIN: This is a realization of the human entity.
TAGORE: Yes, one eternal entity. We have to realize it through our emotions and activities. We realized the Supreme Man who has no individual limitations through our limitations. Science is concerned with that which is not confined to individuals; it is the impersonal human world of Truths. Religion realizes these Truths and links them up with our deeper needs; our individual consciousness of Truth gains universal significance. Religion applies values to Truth, and we know this Truth as good through our own harmony with it.
EINSTEIN: Truth, then, or Beauty is not independent of Man?
TAGORE: No.
EINSTEIN: If there would be no human beings any more, the Apollo of Belvedere would no longer be beautiful.
TAGORE: No.
EINSTEIN: I agree with regard to this conception of Beauty, but not with regard to Truth.
TAGORE: Why not? Truth is realized through man.
EINSTEIN: I cannot prove that my conception is right, but that is my religion.
TAGORE: Beauty is in the ideal of perfect harmony which is in the Universal Being; Truth the perfect comprehension of the Universal Mind. We individuals approach it through our own mistakes and blunders, through our accumulated experiences, through our illumined consciousness — how, otherwise, can we know Truth?
EINSTEIN: I cannot prove scientifically that Truth must be conceived as a Truth that is valid independent of humanity; but I believe it firmly. I believe, for instance, that the Pythagorean theorem in geometry states something that is approximately true, independent of the existence of man. Anyway, if there is a reality independent of man, there is also a Truth relative to this reality; and in the same way the negation of the first engenders a negation of the existence of the latter.
TAGORE: Truth, which is one with the Universal Being, must essentially be human, otherwise whatever we individuals realize as true can never be called truth – at least the Truth which is described as scientific and which only can be reached through the process of logic, in other words, by an organ of thoughts which is human. According to Indian Philosophy there is Brahman, the absolute Truth, which cannot be conceived by the isolation of the individual mind or described by words but can only be realized by completely merging the individual in its infinity. But such a Truth cannot belong to Science. The nature of Truth which we are discussing is an appearance – that is to say, what appears to be true to the human mind and therefore is human, and may be called maya or illusion.
EINSTEIN: So according to your conception, which may be the Indian conception, it is not the illusion of the individual, but of humanity as a whole.
TAGORE: The species also belongs to a unity, to humanity. Therefore the entire human mind realizes Truth; the Indian or the European mind meet in a common realization.
EINSTEIN: The word species is used in German for all human beings, as a matter of fact, even the apes and the frogs would belong to it.
TAGORE: In science we go through the discipline of eliminating the personal limitations of our individual minds and thus reach that comprehension of Truth which is in the mind of the Universal Man.
EINSTEIN: The problem begins whether Truth is independent of our consciousness.
TAGORE: What we call truth lies in the rational harmony between the subjective and objective aspects of reality, both of which belong to the super-personal man.
EINSTEIN: Even in our everyday life we feel compelled to ascribe a reality independent of man to the objects we use. We do this to connect the experiences of our senses in a reasonable way. For instance, if nobody is in this house, yet that table remains where it is.
TAGORE: Yes, it remains outside the individual mind, but not the universal mind. The table which I perceive is perceptible by the same kind of consciousness which I possess.
EINSTEIN: If nobody would be in the house the table would exist all the same — but this is already illegitimate from your point of view — because we cannot explain what it means that the table is there, independently of us.
Our natural point of view in regard to the existence of truth apart from humanity cannot be explained or proved, but it is a belief which nobody can lack — no primitive beings even. We attribute to Truth a super-human objectivity; it is indispensable for us, this reality which is independent of our existence and our experience and our mind — though we cannot say what it means.
TAGORE: Science has proved that the table as a solid object is an appearance and therefore that which the human mind perceives as a table would not exist if that mind were naught. At the same time it must be admitted that the fact, that the ultimate physical reality is nothing but a multitude of separate revolving centres of electric force, also belongs to the human mind.
In the apprehension of Truth there is an eternal conflict between the universal human mind and the same mind confined in the individual. The perpetual process of reconciliation is being carried on in our science, philosophy, in our ethics. In any case, if there be any Truth absolutely unrelated to humanity then for us it is absolutely non-existing.
It is not difficult to imagine a mind to which the sequence of things happens not in space but only in time like the sequence of notes in music. For such a mind such conception of reality is akin to the musical reality in which Pythagorean geometry can have no meaning. There is the reality of paper, infinitely different from the reality of literature. For the kind of mind possessed by the moth which eats that paper literature is absolutely non-existent, yet for Man’s mind literature has a greater value of Truth than the paper itself. In a similar manner if there be some Truth which has no sensuous or rational relation to the human mind, it will ever remain as nothing so long as we remain human beings.
EINSTEIN: Then I am more religious than you are!
TAGORE: My religion is in the reconciliation of the Super-personal Man, the universal human spirit, in my own individual being.
http://www.brainpickings.org/2012/04/27/when-einstein-met-tagore/
adhd
--okay ka lang?
okay lang.
--okay ka lang?
sakto lang.
--okay ka lang?
swabe lang.
--okay ka lang?
onaman.
--okay ka lang?
oo.
--okay ka lang?
ayos lang.
--okay ka lang?
hehe.
--okay ka lang?
(thumbs up)
--okay ka lang?
(ngiti)
--okay ka lang?
(nod)
--okay ka lang?
(taas kilay)
--okay ka lang?
i'm so fuckin' bored.
===============================
September 30, 2013 at 9:14am
okay lang.
--okay ka lang?
sakto lang.
--okay ka lang?
swabe lang.
--okay ka lang?
onaman.
--okay ka lang?
oo.
--okay ka lang?
ayos lang.
--okay ka lang?
hehe.
--okay ka lang?
(thumbs up)
--okay ka lang?
(ngiti)
--okay ka lang?
(nod)
--okay ka lang?
(taas kilay)
--okay ka lang?
i'm so fuckin' bored.
===============================
September 30, 2013 at 9:14am
Christopher Gardner
“Others may question your credentials, your papers, your degrees. Others may look for all kinds of ways to diminish your worth. But what is inside you no one can take from you or tarnish. This is your worth, who you really are, your degree that can go with you wherever you go, that you bring with you the moment you come into a room, that can't be manipulated or shaken. Without that sense of self, no amount of paper, no pedigree, and no credentials can make you legit. No matter what, you have to feel legit inside first.”
“Walk that walk and go forward all the time. Don't just talk that talk, walk it and go forward. Also, the walk didn't have to be long strides; baby steps counted too. Go forward.”
“Because when I was young and I'd get an A on a history test.. or whatever.. I'd get this good feeling about all the things that I could be. And then I never became any of them.”
-Christopher Gardner (The Pursuit Of Happyness)
“Walk that walk and go forward all the time. Don't just talk that talk, walk it and go forward. Also, the walk didn't have to be long strides; baby steps counted too. Go forward.”
“Because when I was young and I'd get an A on a history test.. or whatever.. I'd get this good feeling about all the things that I could be. And then I never became any of them.”
-Christopher Gardner (The Pursuit Of Happyness)
Thursday, 22 December 2016
dear rocket, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to hurt you
nobyembre a-otso. (2013)
umaga.
6:05am
kasarapan ng tulog nang tumunog ang alarm.
snooze? dismiss?
snooze.
tulog ulit.
masarap managinip. eto ang eksena ayon sa aking pagkaka-alala.
naghihintay ako ng bus pauwi sa tayabas. sumakay.
sa eksena, naging jeep ang bus. punong puno. parang eksena sa india.
maya-maya. may katabi ako sa jeep. pauwi din daw ng tayabas. sabay na daw kami kasi sa dakilang sulok din sya bababa.
si pujam na kapitbahay ko.
nag-uusap kami na di kami magbabayad at ihahagis na lang namin ang mga gamit namin sa ilog alitao. sabay talon.
magandang ideya.
maya-maya sa byahe. ang umaandar na jeep. nawala na. naka-motor na ako.
kasama ko si ace na aking ka-trabaho. pumasok sa bahagi ng utak ko na tinatawag na cerebral cortex (kung tama nga, yung may logic at reasoning) kung bakit kasama ko si ace pauwi ng tayabas. eh hindi naman sya taga-doon.
pero hinayaan lang ng nalalabing bahagi ng utak ko.
sige lang daw. panaginip lang naman.
huminto kami sa isang bayan. dina nabanggit kung saan.
may pinuntahan kaming bahay.
may hinahanap syang kotse. dadalhin daw nya sa tayabas at iiwan dun ang motor nya.
sinamahan ko sya.
"hanapin mo yung revo!" ika-niya.
nakita ko ang revo. pula. may taklob.
sinilip ko.
walang susi.
hinahanap nya ang susi.
kelangan daw nya tumawag.
pumasok kami sa isang bahay. naghahanap ng telepono.
wala daw silang telepono kasi daw laging walang dial-tone.
nagmistula kaming empleyado ng PLDT sa pagto-troubleshoot.
"hanapin mo yung TTC.", ika ni ace.
hinanap ko. pero nakita nya na pala.
may nilagay syang device. sinuksok sa tila termination block.
wala talagang dial-tone.
biglang andun na si b2 (brian robertson, jr.) na tumulong sa pagto-troubleshoot.
umilaw na. may dial-tone na daw. at bigla na silang naglaho. nabago na eksena.
ako ay nasa isang sala. maraming ibang tao. mga kamag-anak ko daw.
pero andun si ei (jover), na aking kaibigan. may kasama syang kaibigan. na may kasamang anak na bata. babae. may tunnel. kagaya nun kay ei.
natuwa si ei sa ginawa ng kaibigan nya sa anak nito. pinalagyan ng tunnel sa tenga. kahit bago pa lang natututong maglakad.
kinarga ko ang bata. cute sya. biglang may nagsigawan sa baba.
sumilip kami sa bintana. may nasagasaan. mag-ina. nakahandusay ang mga biktima. bumaba kami.
hit and run. tumakas ang taxi na naka-sagasa. nakita ko sa may banda pa roon, isinakay ang taxi sa loob ng mitsubishi L300 para itago.
NAGKASYA! sinilip ko. nasa ilalim pa ng upuan. silisilip ko ang plaka pero hindi ko makita.
may mga iba pang nangyari, pero tumunog na ang pangalawang alarm ko.
6:35am
snooze? dismiss?
dismiss.
bumangon na ako. nag-init ng tubig. nagyosi.
nakita ko pa si ace sa labas galing sa tindahan.
"may bagyo.", ika nya.
"oonga eh.", sagot ko naman.
kumulo na ang tubig.
nagtimpla ako ng enervon hp na kakabili ko lang kagabi.
pinalamig ko muna.
pumasok na ako sa banyo. tumae. naligo.
pagkatapos. hinawakan ko ang mug. medyo malamig na. hinigop ko ang tinimpla. matamis. dinagdagan ko ng tubig.
ayos na.
nagbukas ako ng itlog at nilagay sa cup ng pinaglagyan ng macaroni salad sa kfc.
nilagok ang itlog. sabay inom ng enervon hp.
yosi ulit habang inuubos ang pampainit sa umaga.
ayos na. nagtootbras. nagpantalon. nagsapatos. nag-tshirt.
nasa laundry nga pala ang jacket kong philippine airlines na bigay ng dati kong landlady.
kumuha ako ng bagong jacket sa cabinet. ang nasa ibabaw ay ang gray ng element na na-ukay ko sa baguio na suot ko nun sumemplang kami sa lobo, batangas nila sir chris, sir norman, at cris.
kinuha ko ang paborito kong jacket. ang checkered na gray na na-ukay ko sa sta. mesa.
nilabas ko si rocket. kinuha ang bag. naghelmet. nilock ang pinto at umalis na.
sa c5 flyover. as usual. traffic. nakapila ang motor sa gilid. karaniwan akong sa gitna dumadaan para mas konti ang motor. ingat lang sa pag-iwas sa mga side mirror ng kotse at SUV.
pero ngayong umaga, sa gilid ako dumaan. kasi sikip sa gitna kasi may mga sasakyan na hindi nagbibigay ng espasyo sa motor.
ewan ko kung madadamot sila sa kalsada o tanga lang talaga sila na hindi nag-iisip.
sa gilid. paakyat. hindi naman mabilis ang takbo. may itim na suv sa bandang unahan. maluwag ang gilid. inarangkada ko pa ng konti para maka-overtake.
ang itim na SUV. biglang pumitik sa kanan. sumara ang dadaanan ko. napagilid ako ng husto sa bahaging hindi aspaltado.
na-mreno ako. pumalo ang likuran. nawala ang balanse. sinubukan kong ibawi pero hayan lang ang SUV at tatama ako. namreno na ako ng todo. sumayaw si rocket.
natumba ako pakaliwa. tumama ang helmet sa passenger door ng SUV. nakasakay pa rin ako kahit perahas na kaming nakakalat sa kalye ni rocket.
tumayo ako. umiingay ang makita. pinatay ko. at itinayo. bumubusina na ang mga sasakyan sa likod. bumaba ang driver ng SUV. matanda. sinilip kung may tama ang sasakyan nya. medyo may edad. hindi na ako nakipagtalo ng kumabig sya kaya ako nag-alanganin.
kung tutuusing, wala naman syang ginawang mali. at ako, sa point of view ng mga nagmomotor, wala din naman siguro. madulas lang ang kalye dahil sa bagyong dimo maintindihan kung tutuloy ba o hindi.
sabi ko, "may tama po ba?"
hindi sya nagsasalita. kasi wala din naman syang nakita. madumi ang kotse nya. pero sinilip ko, wala din naman akong nakita. helmet at balikat ko ang tumama sa sasakyan nya.
"pasensya na sir, dumulas ako eh.", ika ko.
umalis na sya.
sumakay na ulit ako kay rocket. binuhay ko. nabuhay naman. natanggal lang yung lock ng side mirror kaya paikot ikot.
hinintuan ako ng isang nagmomotor.
buti na lang hindi sya nagtanong nag pasala-sala.
buti na lang hindi sya nagtanong ng "okay ka lang?"
buti na lang ang tanong nya ay yung tama.
buti na lang ang tanong nya ay "ano brad, kaya?"
napangiti ako.
"kaya.", sabi ko.
inakay ko ng bahagya at pinaandar. umandar naman.
ayos na. nakaramdam na ulit ako ng hangin.
pero ang hangin ay pumapasok sa binti ko.
leche.
butas ang pantalon ko.
ESPRIT pa naman na bigay ni trigger.
laki ng butas.
eto na.
nararamdaman ko na ang naramdaman ko sa lobo.
mainit ang tuhod ko. sigurado, may tama to.
at least parehas na. kanan sa lobo, kaliwa naman ngayon.
lintek.
habang nasa byahe. nag-iisip pa rin ako.
may ginawa ba akong mali.
hindi mabilis ang pangyayari. kita ko frame by frame. pero bakit sumemplang pa rin ako?
anu ba ang dapat ko pang nagawa para maiwasan.
wala pa akong maisip.
nirereplay ko pa.
buti na lang nung napasandal ako sa SUV, hindi ako nadala at umikot-ikot.
buti na lang dumulas pakanan si rocket at hindi pakaliwa.
kung ganun ang nangyari, pasok ang hulihang gulong ko sa ilalim ng SUV at sa gutter at papalo.
buti na lang walang tama ang SUV (o hindi nakita) kasi magbabayad pa ako nun.
buti na lang wala akong kasunod na motor na mabilis.
pero naisip ko. ganun talaga ang aksidente.
marami kang maiisip na "buti na lang" at "dapat pala".
pero naisip ko din, pano kung hindi yun nangyari.
ang maiisip ko, "BUTI NA LANG HINDI PUMALO YUNG LIKURAN PAGPRENO KO."
pero hindi yun ang nangyari.
eto ang nangyari.
umaga.
6:05am
kasarapan ng tulog nang tumunog ang alarm.
snooze? dismiss?
snooze.
tulog ulit.
masarap managinip. eto ang eksena ayon sa aking pagkaka-alala.
naghihintay ako ng bus pauwi sa tayabas. sumakay.
sa eksena, naging jeep ang bus. punong puno. parang eksena sa india.
maya-maya. may katabi ako sa jeep. pauwi din daw ng tayabas. sabay na daw kami kasi sa dakilang sulok din sya bababa.
si pujam na kapitbahay ko.
nag-uusap kami na di kami magbabayad at ihahagis na lang namin ang mga gamit namin sa ilog alitao. sabay talon.
magandang ideya.
maya-maya sa byahe. ang umaandar na jeep. nawala na. naka-motor na ako.
kasama ko si ace na aking ka-trabaho. pumasok sa bahagi ng utak ko na tinatawag na cerebral cortex (kung tama nga, yung may logic at reasoning) kung bakit kasama ko si ace pauwi ng tayabas. eh hindi naman sya taga-doon.
pero hinayaan lang ng nalalabing bahagi ng utak ko.
sige lang daw. panaginip lang naman.
huminto kami sa isang bayan. dina nabanggit kung saan.
may pinuntahan kaming bahay.
may hinahanap syang kotse. dadalhin daw nya sa tayabas at iiwan dun ang motor nya.
sinamahan ko sya.
"hanapin mo yung revo!" ika-niya.
nakita ko ang revo. pula. may taklob.
sinilip ko.
walang susi.
hinahanap nya ang susi.
kelangan daw nya tumawag.
pumasok kami sa isang bahay. naghahanap ng telepono.
wala daw silang telepono kasi daw laging walang dial-tone.
nagmistula kaming empleyado ng PLDT sa pagto-troubleshoot.
"hanapin mo yung TTC.", ika ni ace.
hinanap ko. pero nakita nya na pala.
may nilagay syang device. sinuksok sa tila termination block.
wala talagang dial-tone.
biglang andun na si b2 (brian robertson, jr.) na tumulong sa pagto-troubleshoot.
umilaw na. may dial-tone na daw. at bigla na silang naglaho. nabago na eksena.
ako ay nasa isang sala. maraming ibang tao. mga kamag-anak ko daw.
pero andun si ei (jover), na aking kaibigan. may kasama syang kaibigan. na may kasamang anak na bata. babae. may tunnel. kagaya nun kay ei.
natuwa si ei sa ginawa ng kaibigan nya sa anak nito. pinalagyan ng tunnel sa tenga. kahit bago pa lang natututong maglakad.
kinarga ko ang bata. cute sya. biglang may nagsigawan sa baba.
sumilip kami sa bintana. may nasagasaan. mag-ina. nakahandusay ang mga biktima. bumaba kami.
hit and run. tumakas ang taxi na naka-sagasa. nakita ko sa may banda pa roon, isinakay ang taxi sa loob ng mitsubishi L300 para itago.
NAGKASYA! sinilip ko. nasa ilalim pa ng upuan. silisilip ko ang plaka pero hindi ko makita.
may mga iba pang nangyari, pero tumunog na ang pangalawang alarm ko.
6:35am
snooze? dismiss?
dismiss.
bumangon na ako. nag-init ng tubig. nagyosi.
nakita ko pa si ace sa labas galing sa tindahan.
"may bagyo.", ika nya.
"oonga eh.", sagot ko naman.
kumulo na ang tubig.
nagtimpla ako ng enervon hp na kakabili ko lang kagabi.
pinalamig ko muna.
pumasok na ako sa banyo. tumae. naligo.
pagkatapos. hinawakan ko ang mug. medyo malamig na. hinigop ko ang tinimpla. matamis. dinagdagan ko ng tubig.
ayos na.
nagbukas ako ng itlog at nilagay sa cup ng pinaglagyan ng macaroni salad sa kfc.
nilagok ang itlog. sabay inom ng enervon hp.
yosi ulit habang inuubos ang pampainit sa umaga.
ayos na. nagtootbras. nagpantalon. nagsapatos. nag-tshirt.
nasa laundry nga pala ang jacket kong philippine airlines na bigay ng dati kong landlady.
kumuha ako ng bagong jacket sa cabinet. ang nasa ibabaw ay ang gray ng element na na-ukay ko sa baguio na suot ko nun sumemplang kami sa lobo, batangas nila sir chris, sir norman, at cris.
kinuha ko ang paborito kong jacket. ang checkered na gray na na-ukay ko sa sta. mesa.
nilabas ko si rocket. kinuha ang bag. naghelmet. nilock ang pinto at umalis na.
sa c5 flyover. as usual. traffic. nakapila ang motor sa gilid. karaniwan akong sa gitna dumadaan para mas konti ang motor. ingat lang sa pag-iwas sa mga side mirror ng kotse at SUV.
pero ngayong umaga, sa gilid ako dumaan. kasi sikip sa gitna kasi may mga sasakyan na hindi nagbibigay ng espasyo sa motor.
ewan ko kung madadamot sila sa kalsada o tanga lang talaga sila na hindi nag-iisip.
sa gilid. paakyat. hindi naman mabilis ang takbo. may itim na suv sa bandang unahan. maluwag ang gilid. inarangkada ko pa ng konti para maka-overtake.
ang itim na SUV. biglang pumitik sa kanan. sumara ang dadaanan ko. napagilid ako ng husto sa bahaging hindi aspaltado.
na-mreno ako. pumalo ang likuran. nawala ang balanse. sinubukan kong ibawi pero hayan lang ang SUV at tatama ako. namreno na ako ng todo. sumayaw si rocket.
natumba ako pakaliwa. tumama ang helmet sa passenger door ng SUV. nakasakay pa rin ako kahit perahas na kaming nakakalat sa kalye ni rocket.
tumayo ako. umiingay ang makita. pinatay ko. at itinayo. bumubusina na ang mga sasakyan sa likod. bumaba ang driver ng SUV. matanda. sinilip kung may tama ang sasakyan nya. medyo may edad. hindi na ako nakipagtalo ng kumabig sya kaya ako nag-alanganin.
kung tutuusing, wala naman syang ginawang mali. at ako, sa point of view ng mga nagmomotor, wala din naman siguro. madulas lang ang kalye dahil sa bagyong dimo maintindihan kung tutuloy ba o hindi.
sabi ko, "may tama po ba?"
hindi sya nagsasalita. kasi wala din naman syang nakita. madumi ang kotse nya. pero sinilip ko, wala din naman akong nakita. helmet at balikat ko ang tumama sa sasakyan nya.
"pasensya na sir, dumulas ako eh.", ika ko.
umalis na sya.
sumakay na ulit ako kay rocket. binuhay ko. nabuhay naman. natanggal lang yung lock ng side mirror kaya paikot ikot.
hinintuan ako ng isang nagmomotor.
buti na lang hindi sya nagtanong nag pasala-sala.
buti na lang hindi sya nagtanong ng "okay ka lang?"
buti na lang ang tanong nya ay yung tama.
buti na lang ang tanong nya ay "ano brad, kaya?"
napangiti ako.
"kaya.", sabi ko.
inakay ko ng bahagya at pinaandar. umandar naman.
ayos na. nakaramdam na ulit ako ng hangin.
pero ang hangin ay pumapasok sa binti ko.
leche.
butas ang pantalon ko.
ESPRIT pa naman na bigay ni trigger.
laki ng butas.
eto na.
nararamdaman ko na ang naramdaman ko sa lobo.
mainit ang tuhod ko. sigurado, may tama to.
at least parehas na. kanan sa lobo, kaliwa naman ngayon.
lintek.
habang nasa byahe. nag-iisip pa rin ako.
may ginawa ba akong mali.
hindi mabilis ang pangyayari. kita ko frame by frame. pero bakit sumemplang pa rin ako?
anu ba ang dapat ko pang nagawa para maiwasan.
wala pa akong maisip.
nirereplay ko pa.
buti na lang nung napasandal ako sa SUV, hindi ako nadala at umikot-ikot.
buti na lang dumulas pakanan si rocket at hindi pakaliwa.
kung ganun ang nangyari, pasok ang hulihang gulong ko sa ilalim ng SUV at sa gutter at papalo.
buti na lang walang tama ang SUV (o hindi nakita) kasi magbabayad pa ako nun.
buti na lang wala akong kasunod na motor na mabilis.
pero naisip ko. ganun talaga ang aksidente.
marami kang maiisip na "buti na lang" at "dapat pala".
pero naisip ko din, pano kung hindi yun nangyari.
ang maiisip ko, "BUTI NA LANG HINDI PUMALO YUNG LIKURAN PAGPRENO KO."
pero hindi yun ang nangyari.
eto ang nangyari.
moon is mine
question. where did you get this stuff for this new technology?
--good question. you won't believe me, but we found it on a meteorite.
i believe you. another question. if your supplies last, where will you get it then? because you can't start a business expecting a meteorite to fall on your doorstep every production day.
--good question again. we have tested thousands and thousands of rock samples found on earth and we never found a match. until, we had clearance to test the rock samples from the apollo missions.
so, the moon?
--yea. it's all over there. and that's when i realize the moon landing is real.
of course it's real. but how would you get it?
--if this thing breaks through, in five to ten years, there's gonna be a large moon mining business.
business huh. moon mining business.
--yes. large.
so you're telling me that if this thing goes big and if the consumers, us, demands more than you could supply with what you already have, you start mining the moon?
--basically, yes.
do you have kids, sir?
--yes, i have two wonderful kids.
awesome. awesome. so i'm guessing that you're doing this business because you're thinking about their future?
--of course.
how about the future of their kids? have you ever thought of that? and their kids, and their kids, and their kids? and their kids?
--no, i can't say that i have.
you're thinking short term my friend.
--do we have a problem here?
no we don't. but the future generations do. because i can see in your eyes that you have no slightest fucking idea about the long term implications of what you're doing right now. i know it's possible that you didn't study to be in this kind of business, but you're in it right now and you're embracing it a hundred percent.
--which is good, right?
right. which is good but only for the individual representation of someone being slaved by a huge corporation. i have one last question for you, sir. what you're telling me is, if we, this company buys one of your products, you are basically one step closer to mining the moon, yes or no?
--yes.
ok, i'm done. i'm sorry but i can't be a part of this. if i see one of their products near my table, i will smash it into a million pieces and burn it. i'm serious.
--but sir..
you should remember my face. because if this thing works out for you, i'm gonna be one of those who will do everything to tear you apart. please excuse me.
--good question. you won't believe me, but we found it on a meteorite.
i believe you. another question. if your supplies last, where will you get it then? because you can't start a business expecting a meteorite to fall on your doorstep every production day.
--good question again. we have tested thousands and thousands of rock samples found on earth and we never found a match. until, we had clearance to test the rock samples from the apollo missions.
so, the moon?
--yea. it's all over there. and that's when i realize the moon landing is real.
of course it's real. but how would you get it?
--if this thing breaks through, in five to ten years, there's gonna be a large moon mining business.
business huh. moon mining business.
--yes. large.
so you're telling me that if this thing goes big and if the consumers, us, demands more than you could supply with what you already have, you start mining the moon?
--basically, yes.
do you have kids, sir?
--yes, i have two wonderful kids.
awesome. awesome. so i'm guessing that you're doing this business because you're thinking about their future?
--of course.
how about the future of their kids? have you ever thought of that? and their kids, and their kids, and their kids? and their kids?
--no, i can't say that i have.
you're thinking short term my friend.
--do we have a problem here?
no we don't. but the future generations do. because i can see in your eyes that you have no slightest fucking idea about the long term implications of what you're doing right now. i know it's possible that you didn't study to be in this kind of business, but you're in it right now and you're embracing it a hundred percent.
--which is good, right?
right. which is good but only for the individual representation of someone being slaved by a huge corporation. i have one last question for you, sir. what you're telling me is, if we, this company buys one of your products, you are basically one step closer to mining the moon, yes or no?
--yes.
ok, i'm done. i'm sorry but i can't be a part of this. if i see one of their products near my table, i will smash it into a million pieces and burn it. i'm serious.
--but sir..
you should remember my face. because if this thing works out for you, i'm gonna be one of those who will do everything to tear you apart. please excuse me.
shut up
"shut the fuck up!", she said. "i'm going fucking deaf, you're always too loud. everything's too loud. now that all my friends left, this place is fucking dead. i wanna move out. when can we move out? this shit has gotta stop. i'll run away."
"get the fuck off!", she said. "your life is meaningless, it's going nowhere. you're going nowhere."
"you're just a fuck up!", she said. "i'll live alone instead." she said, "you don't care!" i know i don't care.
i got too fucked up again and passed out on the plane, tried to forgive you. i can't forget you. no sleep on this flight, i'll think about the nights we had to get through. how did we get through?
===============================
September 25, 2013 at 4:38pm
===============================
blink 182
take off your pants and jacket
shut up
"get the fuck off!", she said. "your life is meaningless, it's going nowhere. you're going nowhere."
"you're just a fuck up!", she said. "i'll live alone instead." she said, "you don't care!" i know i don't care.
i got too fucked up again and passed out on the plane, tried to forgive you. i can't forget you. no sleep on this flight, i'll think about the nights we had to get through. how did we get through?
===============================
September 25, 2013 at 4:38pm
===============================
blink 182
take off your pants and jacket
shut up
juice
brad, juice?
--penge.
ako nagtimpla nyan. taenang yan, pagod na pagod ako pagpiga dyan sa hayup na yan.
--antabang!
onga, tuyo na yung orange eh. mahal mahal. tapon ko na?
--tapon mo na.
ok.
--wag kaya. sayang. dagdagan mo na lang asukal.
sira na yung asukal ko.
--tanga, nasisira ba ang asukal?
naulanan eh.
--ah.ok.
===============================
September 25, 2013 at 4:44pm
--penge.
ako nagtimpla nyan. taenang yan, pagod na pagod ako pagpiga dyan sa hayup na yan.
--antabang!
onga, tuyo na yung orange eh. mahal mahal. tapon ko na?
--tapon mo na.
ok.
--wag kaya. sayang. dagdagan mo na lang asukal.
sira na yung asukal ko.
--tanga, nasisira ba ang asukal?
naulanan eh.
--ah.ok.
===============================
September 25, 2013 at 4:44pm
charles robert darwin
i'm excited for the humanity to survive some million years more so our great (x10e100000) grandchildren would see a detailed document on how more we would evolve. since we are inventing so many things that makes life easier for us, maybe our limbs would shorten and use robotic arms instead. our jaw and teeth may grow smaller and our food will ultimately be in liquid form or IV. our hearts may shrink since we don't use much cardio for walking or running anymore. our skull may grow bigger to house our much larger brain to accommodate all the information we would learn. we may be shorter since as our heads become heavier. a woman's womb might not be as stretchable and our way of reproduction might be totally replaced with laboratory processes (on a need-to basis) to control population. we may speak a universal language (which isn't english). the meaning of "life" and "happiness" might mean something else more "intellectual" rather than "emotional" and "spiritual". we don't know what's gonna happen. and we won't be able to ask the future humans. but still, it's worth wondering about. and yea, those artistic images of extraterrestrial beings we see in films? they're all plausible, depending on the environment where they come from. we might even look like one of them. ANYTHING THAT CAN HAPPEN, MIGHT HAPPEN.
===============================
February 13, 2015 at 8:11am
===============================
February 13, 2015 at 8:11am
he's the man
1914
After 11 years of marriage and his accomplishments in science getting accepted all throughout the world, Albert Einstein did not feel the necessity for a romantic relationship. He then wrote a a letter to his wife Mileva Marić, stating several conditions to save their marriage.
CONDITIONS
A. You will make sure:
1. that my clothes and laundry are kept in good order;
2. that I will receive my three meals regularly in my room;
3. that my bedroom and study are kept neat, and especially that my desk is left for my use only.
B. You will renounce all personal relations with me insofar as they are not completely necessary for social reasons. Specifically, You will forego:
1. my sitting at home with you;
2. my going out or travelling with you.
C. You will obey the following points in your relations with me:
1. you will not expect any intimacy from me, nor will you reproach me in any way;
2. you will stop talking to me if I request it;
3. you will leave my bedroom or study immediately without protest if I request it.
D. You will undertake not to belittle me in front of our children, either through words or behavior.
After a few months, she left him in Berlin and after five years, divorced the greatest mind of the millennia. Then he married his cousin.
DAAAAAAAAMN!!!
===============================
February 18, 2015 at 9:31am
===============================
Behind every successful man is a woman, ever so supportive..and another woman battered and left lifeless. I didn't come up with that formula. Noone did.
After 11 years of marriage and his accomplishments in science getting accepted all throughout the world, Albert Einstein did not feel the necessity for a romantic relationship. He then wrote a a letter to his wife Mileva Marić, stating several conditions to save their marriage.
CONDITIONS
A. You will make sure:
1. that my clothes and laundry are kept in good order;
2. that I will receive my three meals regularly in my room;
3. that my bedroom and study are kept neat, and especially that my desk is left for my use only.
B. You will renounce all personal relations with me insofar as they are not completely necessary for social reasons. Specifically, You will forego:
1. my sitting at home with you;
2. my going out or travelling with you.
C. You will obey the following points in your relations with me:
1. you will not expect any intimacy from me, nor will you reproach me in any way;
2. you will stop talking to me if I request it;
3. you will leave my bedroom or study immediately without protest if I request it.
D. You will undertake not to belittle me in front of our children, either through words or behavior.
After a few months, she left him in Berlin and after five years, divorced the greatest mind of the millennia. Then he married his cousin.
DAAAAAAAAMN!!!
===============================
February 18, 2015 at 9:31am
===============================
Behind every successful man is a woman, ever so supportive..and another woman battered and left lifeless. I didn't come up with that formula. Noone did.
what's in your backpack?
How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you're carrying a backpack. I want you to feel the straps on your shoulders. Feel them? Now I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life. You start with the little things, the things on shelves and in drawers, the knickknacks, the collectibles. Feel the weight as that adds up. Then you start adding larger stuff, clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, linens, your TV. The backpack should be getting pretty heavy now. And you go bigger. Your couch, bed, your kitchen table. Stuff it all in there. Your car, get it in there. Your home, whether it's a studio apartment or a two-bedroom house, I want you to stuff it all into that backpack. Now try to walk. It's kind of hard, isn't it? This is what we do to ourselves on a daily basis. We weigh ourselves down until we can't even move. And make no mistake, moving is living. Now, I'm gonna set that backpack on fire. What do you want to take out of it? Photos? Photos are for people who can't remember. Drink some ginkgo and let the photos burn. In fact, let everything burn and imagine waking up tomorrow with nothing. It's kind of exhilarating, isn't it?
This is how I start every day of my life. Now, this is gonna be a little difficult, so stay with me. You have a new backpack. Only this time, I want you to fill it with people. Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office. And then you move into the people that you trust with your most intimate secrets. Your cousins, your aunts, your uncles, your brothers, your sisters, your parents. And finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend or your girlfriend. You get them into that backpack. Don't worry. I'm not gonna ask you to light it on fire. Feel the weight of that bag. Make no mistake, your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. Do you feel the straps cutting into your shoulders? All those negotiations and arguments and secrets and compromises. You don't need to carry all that weight. Why don't you set that bag down? Some animals were meant to carry each other, to live symbiotically for a lifetime. Star-crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not those animals. The slower we move, the faster we die. We are not swans. We're sharks.
-Ryan Bingham
Up in the Air (2009)
===============================
March 6, 2014 at 8:45am
This is how I start every day of my life. Now, this is gonna be a little difficult, so stay with me. You have a new backpack. Only this time, I want you to fill it with people. Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office. And then you move into the people that you trust with your most intimate secrets. Your cousins, your aunts, your uncles, your brothers, your sisters, your parents. And finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend or your girlfriend. You get them into that backpack. Don't worry. I'm not gonna ask you to light it on fire. Feel the weight of that bag. Make no mistake, your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. Do you feel the straps cutting into your shoulders? All those negotiations and arguments and secrets and compromises. You don't need to carry all that weight. Why don't you set that bag down? Some animals were meant to carry each other, to live symbiotically for a lifetime. Star-crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not those animals. The slower we move, the faster we die. We are not swans. We're sharks.
-Ryan Bingham
Up in the Air (2009)
===============================
March 6, 2014 at 8:45am
Wednesday, 21 December 2016
carl sagan
>The idea that God is an oversized white male with a flowing beard who sits in the sky and tallies the fall of every sparrow is ludicrous. But if by God one means the set of physical laws that govern the universe, then clearly there is such a God. This God is emotionally unsatisfying... it does not make much sense to pray to the law of gravity.
>You can't convince a believer of anything; for their belief is not based on evidence, it's based on a deep seated need to believe.
>The major religions on the Earth contradict each other left and right. You can't all be correct. And what if all of you are wrong? It's a possibility, you know. You must care about the truth, right? Well, the way to winnow through all the differing contentions is to be skeptical. I'm not any more skeptical about your religious beliefs than I am about every new scientific idea I hear about. But in my line of work, they're called hypotheses, not inspiration and not revelation.
>What I'm saying is, if God wanted to send us a message, and ancient writings were the only way he could think of doing it, he could have done a better job.
>Anything you don't understand, Mr. Rankin, you attribute to God. God for you is where you sweep away all the mysteries of the world, all the challenges to our intelligence. You simply turn your mind off and say God did it.
>I would love to believe that when I die I will live again, that some thinking, feeling, remembering part of me will continue. But much as I want to believe that, and despite the ancient and worldwide cultural traditions that assert an afterlife, I know of nothing to suggest that it is more than wishful thinking. The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there's little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides.
>Life is but a momentary glimpse of the wonder of this astonishing universe, and it is sad to see so many dreaming it away on spiritual fantasy.
>In many cultures it is customary to answer that God created the universe out of nothing. But this is mere temporizing. If we wish courageously to pursue the question, we must, of course ask next where God comes from? And if we decide this to be unanswerable, why not save a step and conclude that the universe has always existed?
>If some good evidence for life after death were announced, I'd be eager to examine it; but it would have to be real scientific data, not mere anecdote. As with the face on Mars and alien abductions, better the hard truth, I say, than the comforting fantasy.
“When my husband died, because he was so famous & known for not being a believer, many people would come up to me — it still sometimes happens — & ask me if Carl changed at the end & converted to a belief in an afterlife. They also frequently ask me if I think I will see him again. Carl faced his death with unflagging courage & never sought refuge in illusions. The tragedy was that we knew we would never see each other again. I don’t ever expect to be reunited with Carl. But, the great thing is that when we were together, for nearly twenty years, we lived with a vivid appreciation of how brief & precious life is. We never trivialized the meaning of death by pretending it was anything other than a final parting. Every single moment that we were alive & we were together was miraculous — not miraculous in the sense of inexplicable or supernatural. We knew we were beneficiaries of chance… That pure chance could be so generous & so kind… That we could find each other, as Carl wrote so beautifully in Cosmos, you know, in the vastness of space & the immensity of time… That we could be together for twenty years. That is something which sustains me & it’s much more meaningful…
The way he treated me & the way I treated him, the way we took care of each other & our family, while he lived. That is so much more important than the idea I will see him someday. I don’t think I’ll ever see Carl again. But I saw him. We saw each other. We found each other in the cosmos, and that was wonderful.“ [ann druyan]
===============================
September 30, 2013 at 9:07am
>You can't convince a believer of anything; for their belief is not based on evidence, it's based on a deep seated need to believe.
>The major religions on the Earth contradict each other left and right. You can't all be correct. And what if all of you are wrong? It's a possibility, you know. You must care about the truth, right? Well, the way to winnow through all the differing contentions is to be skeptical. I'm not any more skeptical about your religious beliefs than I am about every new scientific idea I hear about. But in my line of work, they're called hypotheses, not inspiration and not revelation.
>What I'm saying is, if God wanted to send us a message, and ancient writings were the only way he could think of doing it, he could have done a better job.
>Anything you don't understand, Mr. Rankin, you attribute to God. God for you is where you sweep away all the mysteries of the world, all the challenges to our intelligence. You simply turn your mind off and say God did it.
>I would love to believe that when I die I will live again, that some thinking, feeling, remembering part of me will continue. But much as I want to believe that, and despite the ancient and worldwide cultural traditions that assert an afterlife, I know of nothing to suggest that it is more than wishful thinking. The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there's little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides.
>Life is but a momentary glimpse of the wonder of this astonishing universe, and it is sad to see so many dreaming it away on spiritual fantasy.
>In many cultures it is customary to answer that God created the universe out of nothing. But this is mere temporizing. If we wish courageously to pursue the question, we must, of course ask next where God comes from? And if we decide this to be unanswerable, why not save a step and conclude that the universe has always existed?
>If some good evidence for life after death were announced, I'd be eager to examine it; but it would have to be real scientific data, not mere anecdote. As with the face on Mars and alien abductions, better the hard truth, I say, than the comforting fantasy.
“When my husband died, because he was so famous & known for not being a believer, many people would come up to me — it still sometimes happens — & ask me if Carl changed at the end & converted to a belief in an afterlife. They also frequently ask me if I think I will see him again. Carl faced his death with unflagging courage & never sought refuge in illusions. The tragedy was that we knew we would never see each other again. I don’t ever expect to be reunited with Carl. But, the great thing is that when we were together, for nearly twenty years, we lived with a vivid appreciation of how brief & precious life is. We never trivialized the meaning of death by pretending it was anything other than a final parting. Every single moment that we were alive & we were together was miraculous — not miraculous in the sense of inexplicable or supernatural. We knew we were beneficiaries of chance… That pure chance could be so generous & so kind… That we could find each other, as Carl wrote so beautifully in Cosmos, you know, in the vastness of space & the immensity of time… That we could be together for twenty years. That is something which sustains me & it’s much more meaningful…
The way he treated me & the way I treated him, the way we took care of each other & our family, while he lived. That is so much more important than the idea I will see him someday. I don’t think I’ll ever see Carl again. But I saw him. We saw each other. We found each other in the cosmos, and that was wonderful.“ [ann druyan]
===============================
September 30, 2013 at 9:07am
Tuesday, 20 December 2016
gold
i was so poor as a raccoon stealing fruits ironically from a vegetable stand. i was as angry as a redneck truck driver with a six-pack on his lunch box. i needed to hit gold. but where the fuck could i hit gold?
--"try the end of the rainbow."
"dude, you fucking gay?"
--"no, i swear, this one time, a friend of a friend of my 3rd grade teacher said there really is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow."
"that's gay as fuck dude."
--"won't be gay if there's gold, right."
fuck it.
"which end?"
--"either."
"either or neither? didn't quite hear you."
--"EITHER!"
i listened. went to the forest. looked for a rainbow. found it. tracked down one end. the trail was hard. there wasn't even a trail at all. i gave it all i had. i wanted it. bad. the forest made its magic, although there ain't no magic really. but i was looking for gold at the end of a rainbow, so i welcomed the thought of magic for once. the rainbow came closer at will. closer. it came to me. i saw the end of it. no gold. but i noticed the light was striking solid on the bushes then to the grass then on the ground then through the ground. so i thought, it's gold. i have to dig. i did. i dug. but there was nothing there. nothing on the ground. nothing 10 feet under. believe me, there was nothing there. all i saw was a baby raccoon staring blankly at me with its two little beady eyes. eating a pear. nothing else.
maybe i shouldn't have dug. maybe i shouldn't have gone to the forest. maybe i shouldn't have listened to that stupid fuckin asshole in the first place. maybe i should've just did pot. maybe i'll strike gold. pot of gold, gold in pot, whatever. i could've hit gold by now. just like the last time i did pot.
===============================
September 25, 2013 at 5:07pm
--"try the end of the rainbow."
"dude, you fucking gay?"
--"no, i swear, this one time, a friend of a friend of my 3rd grade teacher said there really is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow."
"that's gay as fuck dude."
--"won't be gay if there's gold, right."
fuck it.
"which end?"
--"either."
"either or neither? didn't quite hear you."
--"EITHER!"
i listened. went to the forest. looked for a rainbow. found it. tracked down one end. the trail was hard. there wasn't even a trail at all. i gave it all i had. i wanted it. bad. the forest made its magic, although there ain't no magic really. but i was looking for gold at the end of a rainbow, so i welcomed the thought of magic for once. the rainbow came closer at will. closer. it came to me. i saw the end of it. no gold. but i noticed the light was striking solid on the bushes then to the grass then on the ground then through the ground. so i thought, it's gold. i have to dig. i did. i dug. but there was nothing there. nothing on the ground. nothing 10 feet under. believe me, there was nothing there. all i saw was a baby raccoon staring blankly at me with its two little beady eyes. eating a pear. nothing else.
maybe i shouldn't have dug. maybe i shouldn't have gone to the forest. maybe i shouldn't have listened to that stupid fuckin asshole in the first place. maybe i should've just did pot. maybe i'll strike gold. pot of gold, gold in pot, whatever. i could've hit gold by now. just like the last time i did pot.
===============================
September 25, 2013 at 5:07pm
you sand of a beach
hey.
--hi!
you know it's kinda funny.
--what is?
that we live in the digital world and yet nature is still the most awesome thing.
--yea. i guess.
in this generation that we live in right now, it's impossible that a person like us living in the city don't own a mobile phone.
--yea. even kids have 'em.
yea.
--yea.
so..
--what?
can i have your phone number?
===============================
October 23, 2013 at 1:07pm
--hi!
you know it's kinda funny.
--what is?
that we live in the digital world and yet nature is still the most awesome thing.
--yea. i guess.
in this generation that we live in right now, it's impossible that a person like us living in the city don't own a mobile phone.
--yea. even kids have 'em.
yea.
--yea.
so..
--what?
can i have your phone number?
===============================
October 23, 2013 at 1:07pm
love is a quantum event
we experience it as an emotion, but the feeling of love, the desire to be close to the beloved, is actually an unconscious expression of the dynamic nature of sub-atomic particles eternally trying to regroup into the singularity that was their primordial state before the Big Bang blew them apart. While this knowledge helps to explain almost all human behavior, it is completely useless for writing song lyrics and Hallmark cards. Don't even think about it for marriage proposals.
chuck lorre productions #423
===============================
October 7, 2013 at 9:15am
chuck lorre productions #423
===============================
October 7, 2013 at 9:15am
Monday, 19 December 2016
ain't so sweet '16
0110 david bowie
0204 dave mirra
0219 harper lee
0308 george martin
0421 prince
0603 muhammad ali
0606 kimbo slice
0619 anton yelchin
0817 baby dalupan
0829 gene wilder
0929 miriam defensor santiago
1107 leonard cohen
1125 fidel castro
1208 john glenn
1215 craig sager
1225 george michael
1227 carrie fisher
1230 allan williams
+
>calde left (?) chicosci
>usain bolt's last olympics (he won though)
>episodes (show) got cancelled
>roadies (show) got cancelled
>alaska lost to san miguel from 3-0 (all filipino cup)
>alaska lost to rain or shine (commissioner's cup)
>warriors lost to cavs from 3-1
>kang gary left running man
>song ji hyo got kicked out from running man
>kim jong kook got kicked out from running man
>blink 182 released first record without tom
>THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA DOES NOT BELIEVE IN GLOBAL WARMING
and yea, the long list of all those "pray for (insert place)" you put as your facebook status
++
>most vertigo attacks in a year
>the heart issue scare
>3 motorbike minor accidents
..updated..again.
0204 dave mirra
0219 harper lee
0308 george martin
0421 prince
0603 muhammad ali
0606 kimbo slice
0619 anton yelchin
0817 baby dalupan
0829 gene wilder
0929 miriam defensor santiago
1107 leonard cohen
1125 fidel castro
1208 john glenn
1215 craig sager
1225 george michael
1227 carrie fisher
1230 allan williams
+
>calde left (?) chicosci
>usain bolt's last olympics (he won though)
>episodes (show) got cancelled
>roadies (show) got cancelled
>alaska lost to san miguel from 3-0 (all filipino cup)
>alaska lost to rain or shine (commissioner's cup)
>warriors lost to cavs from 3-1
>kang gary left running man
>song ji hyo got kicked out from running man
>kim jong kook got kicked out from running man
>blink 182 released first record without tom
>THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA DOES NOT BELIEVE IN GLOBAL WARMING
and yea, the long list of all those "pray for (insert place)" you put as your facebook status
++
>most vertigo attacks in a year
>the heart issue scare
>3 motorbike minor accidents
..updated..again.
Sunday, 18 December 2016
nesting period
facebook should have a policy on "nesting period" in which it will automatically unfriend a person if you two haven't interacted within a given time frame, say 6 months. that way you're obliged to keep in touch with your real friends and all others are gonna be thrown down into the deep abyss called the internet.
Friday, 9 December 2016
kahit saan
san tayo kakain?
san ba tayo pupunta?
san ba tayo magkikita?
jan na lang sana.
===============================
October 3, 2013 at 2:11pm
san ba tayo pupunta?
san ba tayo magkikita?
jan na lang sana.
===============================
October 3, 2013 at 2:11pm
hantik
there's a line of ants on the balcony of our 2nd floor office parking lot. sometimes i'd just stare at them walk/run along . but sometimes i do something. sometimes, i'd hurt one to the point that they cannot walk. to the point that they can barely move. then i'd wait. i'd wait for another to help it. i'd even say "help him!". most of the time, the first ant in the vicinity would run faster as normal as if it heard a distress signal coming from a helpless brother. maybe it did. more probably they can communicate, only in different frequency that we cannot comprehend. then more would come to help. but sometimes. sometimes. i'd see a coward. a coward that would run faster away as soon as it senses that some ant is hurt. that some ant is badly in need of help. that some ant would be in its responsibility once it touches it. that it would have to carry it all the way to their colony. coward. i do something about them. i'd hurt them, too. i'd hurt them more. not to the point of killing them. but to the point that only their antenna could move. then i'd throw it off to the ground floor. it would not kill it either. but there, nothing can help it. no other ant would hear its distress signal. at least not soon. it will be lying there. in great pain. in a really bad shape. and no one can hear it. when i do that, i feel supreme. then i wonder. maybe it's how god works. maybe it's how god smites. but then i come up to my senses and realize..
===============================
October 4, 2013 at 9:34am
===============================
October 4, 2013 at 9:34am
araw-gabi
araw-araw kang nagpopost ng mga maka-diyos na litanya. mga pangungusap at pariralang kinokopya mo sa mga online bible. mga bersikulong hindi ka naman sigurado kung tama ang pagkakaliwat o / at pagkakalimbag. "feeling blessed" ka pa ika mo. sa kabilang banda, gabi-gabi kang nagpopost ng mga aktibidad na nauuso. nakangiti ka sa tabi ng nagyeyelo mong bote ng san mig light. o di kaya naman ay naka-PEACE sign ka hawak ang shotglass ng tequila (o emperador kung wala kang pera). may litratong kung tawagin ng matatandang pinoy ay "labas na ang kaluluwa". mga larawan ng walang hanggang pagsasaya. hindi ako labag sa kung anuman ang ginagawa mo mapa-umaga man o gabi. pero naisip ko lang, kung totoong naiintindihan mo, nauunawaan ng lubos, at sumasampalataya ka sa mga pino-post mo sa umaga, hindi ka dapat ganyan sa gabi. kung totoo ngang nauunawaan mo ng taos ang mga litanyang "binabasa" at kinokopya mo para "i-share" o ibahagi sa kaalaman ng iba, dapat naiisip mong lalo ka lang nagkakasala. mas maigi pang pumili ka na lamang ng isa. ang ipaalam sa karamihan na masayahin ka at sunod sa uso. o ang ibahagi sa iba na ikaw ay isang taong kung tawagin nila ay "maka-diyos". kung pagsasabayin mo ang dalawang ideyang magkasalungat, hindi iisipin ng mga makakakita na ikaw ay masayahin o ikaw ay relihiyoso / relihiyosa. iisipin nila na ikaw ay isang mapagpanggap at pinagmumuka mo lang na tanga ang sarili mo.
===============================
October 21, 2013 at 3:05pm
===============================
October 21, 2013 at 3:05pm
time is of the essence
November 23, 2013 at 2:41am
the universe is four dimensional
the X, Y, and Z for space
and a one dimensional time
it is what Einstein called as space time fabric
and it moves forward as space time continuum
now
you can waste as much space as you think
but it does not go away
it's called information conservation
on earth, if you eventually get rich
you can buy as much space as you want
as long as the human law abides
you can even buy back the space you "wasted"
now
time
it's different
it goes away
and it goes away fast
it moves and loses every smallest fraction of a second
and
no matter how earthly rich you get
you can never buy back time
time machine?
nahh..
if time machine could be available
it would be available during Einstein's glory years
and if..if..
there's some genius physicist inventing time machine right now somewhere
just remember
time machine could only work forward
because nature would not allow backward time travel
now
you can waste your time all you want
then
try buying back the amount of time you lost
you figure it out
give me call
===============================
November 23, 2013 at 2:41am
the universe is four dimensional
the X, Y, and Z for space
and a one dimensional time
it is what Einstein called as space time fabric
and it moves forward as space time continuum
now
you can waste as much space as you think
but it does not go away
it's called information conservation
on earth, if you eventually get rich
you can buy as much space as you want
as long as the human law abides
you can even buy back the space you "wasted"
now
time
it's different
it goes away
and it goes away fast
it moves and loses every smallest fraction of a second
and
no matter how earthly rich you get
you can never buy back time
time machine?
nahh..
if time machine could be available
it would be available during Einstein's glory years
and if..if..
there's some genius physicist inventing time machine right now somewhere
just remember
time machine could only work forward
because nature would not allow backward time travel
now
you can waste your time all you want
then
try buying back the amount of time you lost
you figure it out
give me call
===============================
November 23, 2013 at 2:41am
java rice
dude, that's a nice looking bridge right there.
--dude, you think i don't know that?
let's cross it. no, you cross it.
--nah. i'll pass.
i'm-a cross it.
--dude, no.
ok, i understand.
--thanks.
but why wouldn't you cross it?
--too pretty to step on, man.
yea. i know.
--yea. i know.
dude! where are you?
dude?!
hello?!
dude!
--hey!
what the hell, man? what happened?
--i crossed the bridge!
so? do you like it there?
--you know what? i'm not sure.
why is that?
--i kinda burnt it, man.
oh shit man. i'm out!
--wait! jesus man! what do i do?
uhmm..uhmm..jump back?
--too far man! i'd surely fall.
i think you already did, man.
--shut up! help me!
uhmm..uhmm..what are we doing again?
--you're helping me cross back this goddamn burnt down bridge!
oh yea, yea. wait. uhmm..uhmm..you know how to swim, right?
--no, i don't swim, no.
shit. ok, ok. wait..uhmm..uhmm..
--what?
you gotta swim man.
--shit.
jump then swim!
--shit.
do you wanna go back?
--yea?! i'm stuck here!
then you jump and swim, that's it.
--shit, here we go!
1..2..
--shit, 3!
fuck.
--FUCK!
keep your head above the water!
--what?!!!
keep your head above the water!!!
--WHAAAAT?!!!
just keep swimming!!!
--it's fucking mud, man! it's gooey and sticky!
so keep your head above the mud!
--I KNOW THAT!!!
a little bit more!
--argh..argh..
little more!
--argh..argh..
here, grab my hand!
--aaaargh!
ok, i'm gonna pull in 3. 1..2..
--shit. 3!!!
you ok man?
--(panting)
you ok man?!
--yea, yea, yea.
what happened back there, man?
--i crossed it.
i know you crossed it, why did it get burnt down?
--i kinda burnt it.
how the hell did that happen?
--honestly, i don't know.
damn man, why burn it? it was so pretty.
--it caught fire right after i got to the other end.
how's the other end?
--it was the prettiest place i've seen.
why not stay?
--can't.
why?
--fire was following me.
oh..that. that's tricky.
--the place is gonna catch fire any minute.
really? damn! well, it's good you went back.
--yea, i know. didn't think going back would be this hard.
you know you can't go there again, right?
--i know.
ok. good. now go clean up! you have cuts and bruises covered in mud.
--i know.
did it hurt?
--you have no idea!
was it worth it?
was it worth it?
dude!
--what?!
was it worth it?!
--every second of it, man.
===============================
August 8, 2014 at 11:25am
--dude, you think i don't know that?
let's cross it. no, you cross it.
--nah. i'll pass.
i'm-a cross it.
--dude, no.
ok, i understand.
--thanks.
but why wouldn't you cross it?
--too pretty to step on, man.
yea. i know.
--yea. i know.
dude! where are you?
dude?!
hello?!
dude!
--hey!
what the hell, man? what happened?
--i crossed the bridge!
so? do you like it there?
--you know what? i'm not sure.
why is that?
--i kinda burnt it, man.
oh shit man. i'm out!
--wait! jesus man! what do i do?
uhmm..uhmm..jump back?
--too far man! i'd surely fall.
i think you already did, man.
--shut up! help me!
uhmm..uhmm..what are we doing again?
--you're helping me cross back this goddamn burnt down bridge!
oh yea, yea. wait. uhmm..uhmm..you know how to swim, right?
--no, i don't swim, no.
shit. ok, ok. wait..uhmm..uhmm..
--what?
you gotta swim man.
--shit.
jump then swim!
--shit.
do you wanna go back?
--yea?! i'm stuck here!
then you jump and swim, that's it.
--shit, here we go!
1..2..
--shit, 3!
fuck.
--FUCK!
keep your head above the water!
--what?!!!
keep your head above the water!!!
--WHAAAAT?!!!
just keep swimming!!!
--it's fucking mud, man! it's gooey and sticky!
so keep your head above the mud!
--I KNOW THAT!!!
a little bit more!
--argh..argh..
little more!
--argh..argh..
here, grab my hand!
--aaaargh!
ok, i'm gonna pull in 3. 1..2..
--shit. 3!!!
you ok man?
--(panting)
you ok man?!
--yea, yea, yea.
what happened back there, man?
--i crossed it.
i know you crossed it, why did it get burnt down?
--i kinda burnt it.
how the hell did that happen?
--honestly, i don't know.
damn man, why burn it? it was so pretty.
--it caught fire right after i got to the other end.
how's the other end?
--it was the prettiest place i've seen.
why not stay?
--can't.
why?
--fire was following me.
oh..that. that's tricky.
--the place is gonna catch fire any minute.
really? damn! well, it's good you went back.
--yea, i know. didn't think going back would be this hard.
you know you can't go there again, right?
--i know.
ok. good. now go clean up! you have cuts and bruises covered in mud.
--i know.
did it hurt?
--you have no idea!
was it worth it?
was it worth it?
dude!
--what?!
was it worth it?!
--every second of it, man.
===============================
August 8, 2014 at 11:25am
radioactive
i kept wondering. it made me stay up late, thinking how do you do it. i mean, seriously? you reject those things on a daily basis? what if you're out with other people? what if they don't know? i mean no harm. i somehow understand. and i wish i could tell you that i do. but then, you defied your own rules right in front of me. literally inches away from my sight. "for what?", i asked myself. could this be because of that? i mean,
i've seen you look people in their eyes and mine and said the exact opposite of what you just did. now that, i don't understand. i mean, i kinda bent over backwards for that thing. and i'm more than willing to break my spine into splinters just to bend more. and that? what the hell?!"
===============================
July 23, 2014 at 11:45am
i've seen you look people in their eyes and mine and said the exact opposite of what you just did. now that, i don't understand. i mean, i kinda bent over backwards for that thing. and i'm more than willing to break my spine into splinters just to bend more. and that? what the hell?!"
===============================
July 23, 2014 at 11:45am
..
she said i was nothing but bullshit
i said it's complicated
she said "go fuck yourself"
i said i wish i could
i wish i could
i said it's complicated
she said "go fuck yourself"
i said i wish i could
i wish i could
paalam
paalam sa sistema
na nakaugalian
sa bagong lamesa
at sa lumang upuan
sa pagkaing mura
sa pagkaing walang lasa
sa pagkaing marumi
at sa nilunod sa mantika
paalam sa plastik na kutsara
at sa papel na plato
paalam sa plastik na tinidor
at sa plastik na tao
sa magnanakaw ng usb
sa nangunguha ng tissue
sa ipis sa banyo
at sa ipis sa baso
sa unipormeng masikip
sa resibong paghihirapan
paalam sa payslip
na bahagya ng masilayan
paalam sa manhid
sa walang pakiramdam
paalam sa mapuna
pero hanggang puna lang
paalam sa mga bulag
at sa nagbubulag-bulagan
sa lahat ng mga bingi
at nagbibingi-bingihan
paalam sa mga pipi
na maraming sinasabi
paalam sa mga hinaing
na nakatumpok sa isang tabi
paalam sa mabilis
paalam sa mabagal
sa RUSH, sa ASAP
at sa pansamantagal
sa bakit ganito
sa dapat ganyan
sa dapat ganito
sa bakit ganyan
paalam sa walang alam
sa "hindi ko alam yan"
sa tanong ng tanong
pero walang naiintindihan
sa papel na nawawala
sa papel na nilukot
sa kaalamang nawawala
at sa kaalamang ipinagdamot
paalam sa nanlamang
at sa nalamangan
paalam sa sumagasa
at sa nasagasaan
paalam sa kalaban
na yun pala ay kakampi
paalam sa kakampi
na yun pala ay kalaban
paalam sa mapagpanggap
at sa mapagmataas din
paalam sa tarantado
na mas tarantado pa sa akin
paalam ate at kuya
paalam sa laging PINAKA
paalam sa ayaw umangat
sa upuang buhat-buhat
sa sumbong ng mareklamo
sa reklamo ng sumbungero
sa mga tunay na lumalaban
at sa mga napasubo lamang
paalam sa pasahan
sa prosesong mala-gobyerno
sa kapirasong kapangyarihan
na pilit inaabuso
paalam sa tawanan
nadamay na namaalam
paalam sa mga tunay na kaibigan
at sa kaibigan lang pag harapan
===============================
September 5, 2015 at 2:55am
na nakaugalian
sa bagong lamesa
at sa lumang upuan
sa pagkaing mura
sa pagkaing walang lasa
sa pagkaing marumi
at sa nilunod sa mantika
paalam sa plastik na kutsara
at sa papel na plato
paalam sa plastik na tinidor
at sa plastik na tao
sa magnanakaw ng usb
sa nangunguha ng tissue
sa ipis sa banyo
at sa ipis sa baso
sa unipormeng masikip
sa resibong paghihirapan
paalam sa payslip
na bahagya ng masilayan
paalam sa manhid
sa walang pakiramdam
paalam sa mapuna
pero hanggang puna lang
paalam sa mga bulag
at sa nagbubulag-bulagan
sa lahat ng mga bingi
at nagbibingi-bingihan
paalam sa mga pipi
na maraming sinasabi
paalam sa mga hinaing
na nakatumpok sa isang tabi
paalam sa mabilis
paalam sa mabagal
sa RUSH, sa ASAP
at sa pansamantagal
sa bakit ganito
sa dapat ganyan
sa dapat ganito
sa bakit ganyan
paalam sa walang alam
sa "hindi ko alam yan"
sa tanong ng tanong
pero walang naiintindihan
sa papel na nawawala
sa papel na nilukot
sa kaalamang nawawala
at sa kaalamang ipinagdamot
paalam sa nanlamang
at sa nalamangan
paalam sa sumagasa
at sa nasagasaan
paalam sa kalaban
na yun pala ay kakampi
paalam sa kakampi
na yun pala ay kalaban
paalam sa mapagpanggap
at sa mapagmataas din
paalam sa tarantado
na mas tarantado pa sa akin
paalam ate at kuya
paalam sa laging PINAKA
paalam sa ayaw umangat
sa upuang buhat-buhat
sa sumbong ng mareklamo
sa reklamo ng sumbungero
sa mga tunay na lumalaban
at sa mga napasubo lamang
paalam sa pasahan
sa prosesong mala-gobyerno
sa kapirasong kapangyarihan
na pilit inaabuso
paalam sa tawanan
nadamay na namaalam
paalam sa mga tunay na kaibigan
at sa kaibigan lang pag harapan
===============================
September 5, 2015 at 2:55am
Wednesday, 7 December 2016
freshman
-i saw it.
--yea, i saw it, too.
-seriously, that guy?
--i know, dude. whatever happened to his lip anyway?
-forget his lip, dude, it's his face.
--maybe he tried to eat all his money, then threw it all up afterwards.
-all his money are coins? he ain't got no bills?
--probably.
-or maybe, he's so fed up with his mercedes limo, that he tried to eat the bumper.
--maybe he got hit by the bumper.
-or..or..or..
--or what?
-forget it. he still got his money dude.
--yea, i know.
-that lucky son of a bitch of a bastard.
--maybe he's not lucky after all.
-what do you mean?
--remember how (BLEEP!) was like?
-oh, yea. oh ho ho. he's in for the worst joyride.
--yea, that'd be pretty awesome to watch.
-but (BLEEP!) ain't no (BLEEP!) i tell you that.
--yea, i can see that.
-yea.
--yea.
-yea.
--oh god, his face is much more depressing than that sun screen speech.
-we're just depressed dude.
--well, yea.
-yea.
--yea.
-wait, oh what now?!
===============================
September 25, 2013 at 4:34pm
--yea, i saw it, too.
-seriously, that guy?
--i know, dude. whatever happened to his lip anyway?
-forget his lip, dude, it's his face.
--maybe he tried to eat all his money, then threw it all up afterwards.
-all his money are coins? he ain't got no bills?
--probably.
-or maybe, he's so fed up with his mercedes limo, that he tried to eat the bumper.
--maybe he got hit by the bumper.
-or..or..or..
--or what?
-forget it. he still got his money dude.
--yea, i know.
-that lucky son of a bitch of a bastard.
--maybe he's not lucky after all.
-what do you mean?
--remember how (BLEEP!) was like?
-oh, yea. oh ho ho. he's in for the worst joyride.
--yea, that'd be pretty awesome to watch.
-but (BLEEP!) ain't no (BLEEP!) i tell you that.
--yea, i can see that.
-yea.
--yea.
-yea.
--oh god, his face is much more depressing than that sun screen speech.
-we're just depressed dude.
--well, yea.
-yea.
--yea.
-wait, oh what now?!
===============================
September 25, 2013 at 4:34pm
it's 11:30
--hey!
-hey.
--i've been looking for you all over.
-been here for the past couple of cigarettes.
--sorry you had to deal with all those.
-nah. i'm good.
--so. do you wanna get back? this guy is doing the worst keg stand, it's hilarious.
-yea yea sure. let me just finish this one.
--follow inside, okay?
-okay.
--you sure you're okay?
-yep. just needed some air, that's all.
--oh. ok. look for me upstairs, i found the master's bed room.
-yea. sure.
(how do you do it? i sure don't understand. i'd like to think i'm smart. but i don't get it one bit.)
--you coming?!
-yea yea!i'm there!
===============================
September 30, 2013 at 9:23am
-hey.
--i've been looking for you all over.
-been here for the past couple of cigarettes.
--sorry you had to deal with all those.
-nah. i'm good.
--so. do you wanna get back? this guy is doing the worst keg stand, it's hilarious.
-yea yea sure. let me just finish this one.
--follow inside, okay?
-okay.
--you sure you're okay?
-yep. just needed some air, that's all.
--oh. ok. look for me upstairs, i found the master's bed room.
-yea. sure.
(how do you do it? i sure don't understand. i'd like to think i'm smart. but i don't get it one bit.)
--you coming?!
-yea yea!i'm there!
===============================
September 30, 2013 at 9:23am
Saturday, 3 December 2016
METHimatics
earlier in my student life, i was so obsessed with mathematics. the obsession kind of started when i first learned the multiplication table seen at the back of most spiral notes during the 90's, although i never memorized it because i believed that memorizing does not mean you actually learned it. it's not history. i was astonished that if you multiply 3 by 5 and if you multiply 5 by 3 you'd get the same answer. most probably it did not have the same impact on other students as it did on me, i mean how great is that? then as the school year advanced, the obsession evolved. i was introduced to X and Y. i took it. easy. i was always the school representative for quiz bee. all four years of high school. i never won, though. i was just obsessed, i wasn't crazy. oh, i won once. 1st year. 2nd place. never got the 1st place like all three other representatives from my school. but i never felt sad on not winning. i was just genuinely happy learning it. more advanced than my classmates because i got to do some one-on-one training with the instructors. high school geometry? easy. high school algebra? no problemo. there was a year when a certain training focused on circles. radius. diameter. circumference. pi. area. arc. chord. tangent. sector. segment. central angle. inscribed angle. secant. intercepted arc. whatever the circle has. i knew it. by heart. i was so obsessed that i was holding a scratch paper and a pen, while walking home, atop the alitao bridge, solving things. i even created my own theorem. i called it PATOREAN theorem, obviously referenced from Pythagorean theorem, which i really thought i mastered its high school level. i created my own formulas. if Ms. Laguador give us 3 formulas to solve a problem, i'd do it with just one, my own. i didn't share it. it was personal. Math was the only subject that i never cheated during high school. i used it for everyday other things. it helped me understand even non-mathematical stuff. math. it was almost automatic to me. easy. really easy.
but there was a time that i stopped. i couldn't figure out when, but i stopped. i don't know what happened. it's not that i lost interest in it. it's just that maybe i lost the obsession. sometimes i wonder, what if the obsession never ceased? where could i have been now? what could i have been? it was wrong that i stopped. i have so many questions right now that i think i could've answered readily. but no. all i know is that right now, i'm having trouble subtracting big numbers. fuck me, right? yesterday, my brain hanged for about a minute over a change the counter gave me at the laundry shop. i gave her 500 then she gave 350 and asked for a 20 and gave me some coins. i was like, wait, what the hell is happening?
napangiti na lang ako dahil naalala ko si batman at sinabing, "ay sya, lugi ka ngay-on".
===============================
October 7, 2013 at 12:18pm
but there was a time that i stopped. i couldn't figure out when, but i stopped. i don't know what happened. it's not that i lost interest in it. it's just that maybe i lost the obsession. sometimes i wonder, what if the obsession never ceased? where could i have been now? what could i have been? it was wrong that i stopped. i have so many questions right now that i think i could've answered readily. but no. all i know is that right now, i'm having trouble subtracting big numbers. fuck me, right? yesterday, my brain hanged for about a minute over a change the counter gave me at the laundry shop. i gave her 500 then she gave 350 and asked for a 20 and gave me some coins. i was like, wait, what the hell is happening?
napangiti na lang ako dahil naalala ko si batman at sinabing, "ay sya, lugi ka ngay-on".
===============================
October 7, 2013 at 12:18pm
instruction
(bahagyang base sa isang panaginip noong nakaraang linggo)
DISCLAIMER: all characters are quite fictional. any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is somewhat coincidental.
long exam namin noon. as usual sa bandang likuran ako kumuha ng upuan, sa gilid, para anytime, pwede ko iuntog ulo ko sa dingding. tsaka andun si obeng eh. nagreview naman ako, pero as usual din, wala ako matandaan. busy si sir sa pakunyaring pagbabantay. basta nasabi nyang "NO CHEATING", di ko na alam kung may pakialam pa sya. busy kaming lahat sa pakunyaring pagsasagot. sampu ang tanong. isa pa lang nasosolb ko. kasi isa pa lang nakokopya ko kay obeng. paliit nang paliit ang sulat ni obeng na nasa harapan ko. hindi ko alam kung mahaba ba talaga solution na hindi kakasya sa provided na bilang ng papel o china-challenge nya kalabuan ng mata ko. pakunyari akong nag-inat. sinipa ko ng bahagya ang paa ng upuan ni obeng. alam na nya yun. sumenyas sya ng "OK" at "teka lang". wala akong ibang magagawa kundi maghintay. pansampung ulit ko nang nabasa ang mga tanong. wala talaga. so nagsulat na lang ako ng kung anu-anong lyrics sa plastic na armchair. ido-drawing ko sana si vegeta, kaso hindi ako marunong mag-drawing. malamang dino-drawing na ni leo buong pamilya ni goku. gumalaw sa upuan si obeng. may tinitiklop na papel. ibinagsak sa gilid ng dingding sa may likuran ng upuan nya. yun na. pakunyari ulit akong nag-inat. inapakan ang nakatiklop na papel at hinatak palapit sakin. pinulot. pinatong sa answer sheet ko. binuksan. SOLUTION. 2-10!. BINGO! may note sa ilalim.
"WAG MO NA IPASA. TAGO MO NA. TAPON MO AGAD!!!"
walang problema. ooops! may sumipa sa upuan ko. alam ko na yun. nakita siguro ako. si paul, nasa likuran ko. sumenyas ako ng "OK" at "teka lang". mabilis ako magsulat. isa sa pinakamabilis sa klase. niliitan ko rin ang sulat ko. nagtira ako ng isang blangkong papel. kinopya ko ulit lahat para ipasa kay paul. nilagyan ko rin ng note sa ilalim,
"WAG MO NA IPASA. TAGO MO NA. TAPON MO AGAD!!!"
pinasa ko na, obeng-style. sa gilid sa likuran. ayos na ko. tinupi ko ng mas maliit yung binigay sakin ni obeng. siningit ko sa sneakers ko. ok na. pass the papers na. class dismissed na. nag-cr ako sa ibang floor ng building, sa cr ng ibang department. dun ko tinapon yung papel.
next subject. sya pa rin ang prof. kasalukuyang nag-iingay ang klase nang pumasok si sir. may dalang isang pirasong papel. nakatiklop. itinaas nya.
"sa papel na ito, nakasulat ang lahat ng solution sa exam natin kanina, mapwera sa number 1."
kinakabahan na ako.
"hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi pa ito kinumpleto. mayron akong hindi alam na hindi ko na malalaman. yun ay kung kani-kanino na dumaan ang papel na ito. mayron din akong hindi alam pero malalaman ko din. pwede kong ikumpara ang handwriting sa papel na ito sa lahat ng test papers nyo kanina para malaman kung sino ang nagsulat nito."
kabadong-kabado na ako. sulat ko yun. sa sobrang pangit ng sulat ko, ako lang ang ganun kapangit magsulat sa klase.
"kung aamin ngayon ang may-ari ng papel na ito, sya lang ang ibabagsak ko. kung hindi sya aamin, na malalaman ko rin kung sino sya mamaya, ibabagsak ko ang buong klase mapwera sa kanya. bibigyan kita ng isang minuto para umamin. alam mo kung sino ka."
tahimik ang lahat. nakatungo lang ako. diko alam kung sinu-sino pa ang nakatungo. paboritong corduroy na pantalon ko lang nakikita ko.
may isang nagsalita, "guys, umamin na yung aamin para di na madamay lahat."
taena ka, epal ka talaga E(bleeeep!)
sakin yung papel. tinapon ko yung kay obeng sa cr ng IE. sakin yun. aamin na ko. aamin na ko.
pero nakita kong magtataas na ng kamay si obeng. nangangalahati na sya nang bigla kong sinipa ang upuan nya. sampung beses ang lakas kumpara sa pagsipa ko sa upuan nya nung humihingi pa lang ako ng sagot. gulat syang napatingin sa akin. bahagya akong umiling, pahiwatig na wag syang magtaas ng kamay. lahat ay nakatingin sa akin. nagtaas ako ng kamay. nangangalahati pa lang ako nang may sumipa sa upuan ko sa likuran. mas malakas pa sa pagsipa ko sa upuan ni obeng. si paul. sabay taas sya ng kamay.
nagsalita si sir, "kayong tatlo, sumama kayo sa opisina ko. ikaw naman leo, may nawawala ba sa gamit mo?"
"sir?", tanong ni leo.
"may nawawala ba sa gamit mo?"
"wala naman sir.", nakangiti syang sumagot.
"sumama ka rin sa opisina ko, napulot ko notebook mo."
apat kami sa opisina ni sir, panlima sya. nagumpisa na ang tanungan. inabot muna ni sir ang nawawalang notebook ni leo sa kanya at sinabing, "dito ka muna." namumula si leo, hindi ko alam kung bakit. siguro dahil baka madamay sya. nagtataka pa rin ako, bakit nagtaas ng kamay si paul? hindi ba nya tinapon yung papel ko? baka pinasa pa nya sa iba. baka ayaw nya malaman ni sir na sulat ko yun kaya aamin na lang sya.
sir: "kayong tatlo, bakit nagtaas kayong lahat ng kamay? ano, nagtatakipan pa kayo? ipaliwanag nyo nga!"
ako: "sir, sakin yung papel na hawak mo." tinapik ko hita ni obeng. di sya nagsasalita.
paul: "hindi sir, sakin yun."
sir: "kanino ba talaga? tingnan nyo nga kung kaninong sulat to?", sabay abot ng papel.
diko sulat to. sulat to ni paul. asan na yung papel ko? gumawa ulit si paul ng panibago? kanino nya to binigay?
sir: "so kay paul pala to. eh kayong dalawa, bakit nagtaas kayo ng kamay?"
ako: "ganito kasi yan sir, si obeng ang unang nagbigay sakin, pero nilagyan nya ng instruction sa ilalim na wag ko ipapasa, na itago ko na at itapon ko agad. para magawa ko yun sir at mabigyan ko rin ng sagot si paul, gumawa ako ng panibagong papel sir. yun ang binigay ko kay paul. nagtaas ng kamay si obeng kasi po akala nya pinasa ko pa yun papel nya, nagtaas naman po ako ng kamay kasi hindi ko alam na gumawa pa ulit ng bago si paul, kala ko pinasa pa nya papel ko. yun po."
sir: "ah ok. malinaw na. so pano ngayon to? paul, kanino mo naman to pinasa?
paul: "kay leo po."
sir: "o leo, baka naman gumawa ka pa ulit ng bago?"
leo: "hindi sir.", nakangiti na naman sya.
sir: "ganito na lang, naiintindihan ko na sinasalba nyo ang isa't isa. so kung sino na lang ang hindi sumunod sa instruction, sya lang ang ibabagsak ko, ok?"
(WAG MO NA IPASA. TAGO MO NA. TAPON MO AGAD!!!)
sir: "pato, ipinasa mo ba yung papel ni obeng?"
ako: "hindi po."
sir: "itinago mo ba?"
ako: "opo."
sir: "tinapon mo ba agad?"
ako: "opo."
sir: "paul, ipinasa mo ba yung papel ni pato?"
paul: "hindi po."
sir: "itinago mo ba?"
paul: "opo."
sir: "tinapon mo ba agad?"
paul: "opo."
sir: "leo, ipinasa mo ba yung papel ni paul?"
leo: "hindi po."
sir: "itinago mo ba?"
leo: "opo."
sir: "tinapon mo ba agad?"
leo: "hindi po."
sir: "san mo tinago?"
leo: "sa notebook ko po."
sir: "anong nangyari sa notebook mo?"
leo: "nawala sir."
sir: "sinong nakapulot?"
leo: "ikaw sir.", pangiti nyang sagot.
sir: "so lumalabas, si leo lang ang hindi sumunod sa instruction? tama ba?"
walang nagsasalita. ibabagsak nya si leo.
sir: "tama ba? sumagot kayo!", sabay hampas sa lamesa nya.
"YES SIR!", sagot naming lahat. ibabagsak nya si leo.
"MALI!!!", pasigaw na sabi ni sir. sabay sinundan ng, "DI BA SABI KO SA INYO, NO CHEATING?!"
ayun. bagsak kaming apat.
===============================
October 14, 2013 at 9:52am
DISCLAIMER: all characters are quite fictional. any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is somewhat coincidental.
long exam namin noon. as usual sa bandang likuran ako kumuha ng upuan, sa gilid, para anytime, pwede ko iuntog ulo ko sa dingding. tsaka andun si obeng eh. nagreview naman ako, pero as usual din, wala ako matandaan. busy si sir sa pakunyaring pagbabantay. basta nasabi nyang "NO CHEATING", di ko na alam kung may pakialam pa sya. busy kaming lahat sa pakunyaring pagsasagot. sampu ang tanong. isa pa lang nasosolb ko. kasi isa pa lang nakokopya ko kay obeng. paliit nang paliit ang sulat ni obeng na nasa harapan ko. hindi ko alam kung mahaba ba talaga solution na hindi kakasya sa provided na bilang ng papel o china-challenge nya kalabuan ng mata ko. pakunyari akong nag-inat. sinipa ko ng bahagya ang paa ng upuan ni obeng. alam na nya yun. sumenyas sya ng "OK" at "teka lang". wala akong ibang magagawa kundi maghintay. pansampung ulit ko nang nabasa ang mga tanong. wala talaga. so nagsulat na lang ako ng kung anu-anong lyrics sa plastic na armchair. ido-drawing ko sana si vegeta, kaso hindi ako marunong mag-drawing. malamang dino-drawing na ni leo buong pamilya ni goku. gumalaw sa upuan si obeng. may tinitiklop na papel. ibinagsak sa gilid ng dingding sa may likuran ng upuan nya. yun na. pakunyari ulit akong nag-inat. inapakan ang nakatiklop na papel at hinatak palapit sakin. pinulot. pinatong sa answer sheet ko. binuksan. SOLUTION. 2-10!. BINGO! may note sa ilalim.
"WAG MO NA IPASA. TAGO MO NA. TAPON MO AGAD!!!"
walang problema. ooops! may sumipa sa upuan ko. alam ko na yun. nakita siguro ako. si paul, nasa likuran ko. sumenyas ako ng "OK" at "teka lang". mabilis ako magsulat. isa sa pinakamabilis sa klase. niliitan ko rin ang sulat ko. nagtira ako ng isang blangkong papel. kinopya ko ulit lahat para ipasa kay paul. nilagyan ko rin ng note sa ilalim,
"WAG MO NA IPASA. TAGO MO NA. TAPON MO AGAD!!!"
pinasa ko na, obeng-style. sa gilid sa likuran. ayos na ko. tinupi ko ng mas maliit yung binigay sakin ni obeng. siningit ko sa sneakers ko. ok na. pass the papers na. class dismissed na. nag-cr ako sa ibang floor ng building, sa cr ng ibang department. dun ko tinapon yung papel.
next subject. sya pa rin ang prof. kasalukuyang nag-iingay ang klase nang pumasok si sir. may dalang isang pirasong papel. nakatiklop. itinaas nya.
"sa papel na ito, nakasulat ang lahat ng solution sa exam natin kanina, mapwera sa number 1."
kinakabahan na ako.
"hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi pa ito kinumpleto. mayron akong hindi alam na hindi ko na malalaman. yun ay kung kani-kanino na dumaan ang papel na ito. mayron din akong hindi alam pero malalaman ko din. pwede kong ikumpara ang handwriting sa papel na ito sa lahat ng test papers nyo kanina para malaman kung sino ang nagsulat nito."
kabadong-kabado na ako. sulat ko yun. sa sobrang pangit ng sulat ko, ako lang ang ganun kapangit magsulat sa klase.
"kung aamin ngayon ang may-ari ng papel na ito, sya lang ang ibabagsak ko. kung hindi sya aamin, na malalaman ko rin kung sino sya mamaya, ibabagsak ko ang buong klase mapwera sa kanya. bibigyan kita ng isang minuto para umamin. alam mo kung sino ka."
tahimik ang lahat. nakatungo lang ako. diko alam kung sinu-sino pa ang nakatungo. paboritong corduroy na pantalon ko lang nakikita ko.
may isang nagsalita, "guys, umamin na yung aamin para di na madamay lahat."
taena ka, epal ka talaga E(bleeeep!)
sakin yung papel. tinapon ko yung kay obeng sa cr ng IE. sakin yun. aamin na ko. aamin na ko.
pero nakita kong magtataas na ng kamay si obeng. nangangalahati na sya nang bigla kong sinipa ang upuan nya. sampung beses ang lakas kumpara sa pagsipa ko sa upuan nya nung humihingi pa lang ako ng sagot. gulat syang napatingin sa akin. bahagya akong umiling, pahiwatig na wag syang magtaas ng kamay. lahat ay nakatingin sa akin. nagtaas ako ng kamay. nangangalahati pa lang ako nang may sumipa sa upuan ko sa likuran. mas malakas pa sa pagsipa ko sa upuan ni obeng. si paul. sabay taas sya ng kamay.
nagsalita si sir, "kayong tatlo, sumama kayo sa opisina ko. ikaw naman leo, may nawawala ba sa gamit mo?"
"sir?", tanong ni leo.
"may nawawala ba sa gamit mo?"
"wala naman sir.", nakangiti syang sumagot.
"sumama ka rin sa opisina ko, napulot ko notebook mo."
apat kami sa opisina ni sir, panlima sya. nagumpisa na ang tanungan. inabot muna ni sir ang nawawalang notebook ni leo sa kanya at sinabing, "dito ka muna." namumula si leo, hindi ko alam kung bakit. siguro dahil baka madamay sya. nagtataka pa rin ako, bakit nagtaas ng kamay si paul? hindi ba nya tinapon yung papel ko? baka pinasa pa nya sa iba. baka ayaw nya malaman ni sir na sulat ko yun kaya aamin na lang sya.
sir: "kayong tatlo, bakit nagtaas kayong lahat ng kamay? ano, nagtatakipan pa kayo? ipaliwanag nyo nga!"
ako: "sir, sakin yung papel na hawak mo." tinapik ko hita ni obeng. di sya nagsasalita.
paul: "hindi sir, sakin yun."
sir: "kanino ba talaga? tingnan nyo nga kung kaninong sulat to?", sabay abot ng papel.
diko sulat to. sulat to ni paul. asan na yung papel ko? gumawa ulit si paul ng panibago? kanino nya to binigay?
sir: "so kay paul pala to. eh kayong dalawa, bakit nagtaas kayo ng kamay?"
ako: "ganito kasi yan sir, si obeng ang unang nagbigay sakin, pero nilagyan nya ng instruction sa ilalim na wag ko ipapasa, na itago ko na at itapon ko agad. para magawa ko yun sir at mabigyan ko rin ng sagot si paul, gumawa ako ng panibagong papel sir. yun ang binigay ko kay paul. nagtaas ng kamay si obeng kasi po akala nya pinasa ko pa yun papel nya, nagtaas naman po ako ng kamay kasi hindi ko alam na gumawa pa ulit ng bago si paul, kala ko pinasa pa nya papel ko. yun po."
sir: "ah ok. malinaw na. so pano ngayon to? paul, kanino mo naman to pinasa?
paul: "kay leo po."
sir: "o leo, baka naman gumawa ka pa ulit ng bago?"
leo: "hindi sir.", nakangiti na naman sya.
sir: "ganito na lang, naiintindihan ko na sinasalba nyo ang isa't isa. so kung sino na lang ang hindi sumunod sa instruction, sya lang ang ibabagsak ko, ok?"
(WAG MO NA IPASA. TAGO MO NA. TAPON MO AGAD!!!)
sir: "pato, ipinasa mo ba yung papel ni obeng?"
ako: "hindi po."
sir: "itinago mo ba?"
ako: "opo."
sir: "tinapon mo ba agad?"
ako: "opo."
sir: "paul, ipinasa mo ba yung papel ni pato?"
paul: "hindi po."
sir: "itinago mo ba?"
paul: "opo."
sir: "tinapon mo ba agad?"
paul: "opo."
sir: "leo, ipinasa mo ba yung papel ni paul?"
leo: "hindi po."
sir: "itinago mo ba?"
leo: "opo."
sir: "tinapon mo ba agad?"
leo: "hindi po."
sir: "san mo tinago?"
leo: "sa notebook ko po."
sir: "anong nangyari sa notebook mo?"
leo: "nawala sir."
sir: "sinong nakapulot?"
leo: "ikaw sir.", pangiti nyang sagot.
sir: "so lumalabas, si leo lang ang hindi sumunod sa instruction? tama ba?"
walang nagsasalita. ibabagsak nya si leo.
sir: "tama ba? sumagot kayo!", sabay hampas sa lamesa nya.
"YES SIR!", sagot naming lahat. ibabagsak nya si leo.
"MALI!!!", pasigaw na sabi ni sir. sabay sinundan ng, "DI BA SABI KO SA INYO, NO CHEATING?!"
ayun. bagsak kaming apat.
===============================
October 14, 2013 at 9:52am
Mi último adiós
"Pahimakas ni Dr. José Rizal"
sa pagsasalin ni Andrés Bonifacio
Pinipintuho kong Bayan ay paalam,
lupang iniirog ñg sikat ñg araw,
mutiang mahalaga sa dagat Silañgan,
kalualhatiang sa ami'y pumanaw.
Masayang sa iyo'y aking idudulot
ang lanta kong buhay na lubhang malungkot;
maging mariñgal man at labis alindog
sa kagaliñgan mo ay akin ding handog.
Sa pakikidigma at pamimiyapis
ang alay ñg iba'y ang buhay na kipkip,
walang agam-agam, maluag sa dibdib,
matamis sa puso at di ikahapis.
Saan man mautas ay di kailañgan,
cípres ó laurel, lirio ma'y patuñgan
pakikipaghamok, at ang bibitayan,
yaon ay gayon din kung hiling ñg Bayan.
Ako'y mamatay, ñgayong namamalas
na sa silañganan ay namamanaag
yaong maligayang araw na sisikat
sa likod ñg luksang nagtabing na ulap.
Ang kulay na pula kung kinakailañgan
na maitim sa iyong liway-way,
dugo ko'y isabog at siyang ikinang
ñg kislap ñg iyong maningning na ilaw.
Ang aking adhika sapul magkaisip
ñg kasalukuyang bata pang maliit,
ay ang tanghaling ka at minsan masilip
sa dagat Silañgan hiyas na marikit.
Natuyo ang luhang sa mata'y nunukal,
taas na ang noo't walang kapootan,
walang bakás kunot ñg kapighatian
gabahid man duñgis niyong kahihiyan.
Sa kabuhayang ko ang laging gunita
maniñgas na aking ninanasa-nasa
ay guminhawa ka ang hiyaw ñg diwa
pag hiñgang papanaw ñgayong biglang-bigla.
Ikaw'y guminhawa laking kagandahang
ako'y malugmok, at ikaw ay matanghal,
hiniñga'y malagot, mabuhay ka lamang
bangkay ko'y masilong sa iyong Kalañgitan.
Kung sa libiñgang ko'y tumubong mamalas
sa malagong damo mahinhing bulaklak,
sa mañga labi mo'y mangyaring ílapat,
sa kaluluwa ko halik ay igawad.
At sa aking noo nawa'y iparamdam,
sa lamig ñg lupa ñg aking libiñgan,
ang init ñg iyong pag hiñgang dalisay
at simoy ñg iyong pag giliw na tunay.
Bayaang ang buwan sa aki'y ititig
ang liwanag niyang lamlám at tahimik,
liwayway bayaang sa aki'y ihatid
magalaw na sinag at hañging hagibis.
Kung sakasakaling bumabang humantong
sa cruz ko'y dumapo kahi't isang ibon
doon ay bayan humuning hinahon
at dalitin niya payapang panahon.
Bayaan ang niñgas ñg sikat ñg araw
ula'y pasiñgawin noong kainitan,
magbalik sa lañgit ñg boong dalisay
kalakip ñg aking pagdaing na hiyaw.
Bayaang sino man sa katotong giliw
tañgisang maagang sa buhay pagkitil:
kung tungkol sa akin ay may manalañgin
idalañgin Báyan yaring pagka himbing.
Idalañging lahat yaong nañgamatay,
nañgagtiis hirap na walang kapantay;
m̃ga iná naming walang kapalaran
na inahihibik ay kapighatian.
Ang m̃ga bao't pinapañgulila,
ang m̃ga bilangong nagsisipag dusa:
dalañginin namang kanilang mákita
ang kalayaan mong, ikagiginhawa.
At kung ang madilim na gabing mapanglaw
ay lumaganap na doon sa libiñgan't,
tañging m̃ga patay ang nañgag lalamay,
huwag bagabagin ang katahimikan.
Ang kanyang hiwaga'y huwag gambalain:
kaipala'y mariñgig doon ang taginting,
tunog ñg gitara't salterio'y mag saliw,
ako. Báyan, yao't, kita'y aawitin.
Kung ang libiñgan ko'y limót na ñg lahat
at wala ñg kruz at batóng mábakas,
bayang lina~gin ñg taong masipag,
lupa'y asarolin at kanyang ikalat.
At m̃ga buto ko ay bago matunaw
máowi sa wala at kusang maparam,
alabók ñg iyong latag ay bayaang
siya ang babalang doo'y makipisan.
Kung magka gayon na'y aalintanahin
na ako sa limot iyong ihabilin
pagka't himpapawid at ang pañganorin
m̃ga lansañgan mo'y aking lilibutin.
Matining na tunóg ako sa diñgig mo,
ilaw, m̃ga kulay, masamyong pabañgó,
ang úgong at awit, pag hibik sa iyo,
pag asang dalisay ñg pananalig ko.
Báyang iniirog, sákit niyaring hirap,
Katagalugang kong pinakaliliyag,
dingin mo ang aking pagpapahimakas:
diya'y iiwan ko sa iyo ang lahat.
Ako'y patutuñgo sa walang busabos,
walang umiinis at verdugong hayop:
pananalig doo'y di nakasasalot,
si Bathala lamang doo'y haring lubos.
Paalam, magulang at m̃ga kapatid
kapilas ñg aking kaluluwa't dibdib
m̃ga kaibigan bata pang maliit
sa aking tahanan di na masisilip.
Pag pasalamatan at napahiñga rin,
paalam estrañgerang kasuyo ko't aliw.
paalam sa inyo m̃ga ginigiliw:
¡mamatay ay siyang pagkagupiling!
sa pagsasalin ni Andrés Bonifacio
Pinipintuho kong Bayan ay paalam,
lupang iniirog ñg sikat ñg araw,
mutiang mahalaga sa dagat Silañgan,
kalualhatiang sa ami'y pumanaw.
Masayang sa iyo'y aking idudulot
ang lanta kong buhay na lubhang malungkot;
maging mariñgal man at labis alindog
sa kagaliñgan mo ay akin ding handog.
Sa pakikidigma at pamimiyapis
ang alay ñg iba'y ang buhay na kipkip,
walang agam-agam, maluag sa dibdib,
matamis sa puso at di ikahapis.
Saan man mautas ay di kailañgan,
cípres ó laurel, lirio ma'y patuñgan
pakikipaghamok, at ang bibitayan,
yaon ay gayon din kung hiling ñg Bayan.
Ako'y mamatay, ñgayong namamalas
na sa silañganan ay namamanaag
yaong maligayang araw na sisikat
sa likod ñg luksang nagtabing na ulap.
Ang kulay na pula kung kinakailañgan
na maitim sa iyong liway-way,
dugo ko'y isabog at siyang ikinang
ñg kislap ñg iyong maningning na ilaw.
Ang aking adhika sapul magkaisip
ñg kasalukuyang bata pang maliit,
ay ang tanghaling ka at minsan masilip
sa dagat Silañgan hiyas na marikit.
Natuyo ang luhang sa mata'y nunukal,
taas na ang noo't walang kapootan,
walang bakás kunot ñg kapighatian
gabahid man duñgis niyong kahihiyan.
Sa kabuhayang ko ang laging gunita
maniñgas na aking ninanasa-nasa
ay guminhawa ka ang hiyaw ñg diwa
pag hiñgang papanaw ñgayong biglang-bigla.
Ikaw'y guminhawa laking kagandahang
ako'y malugmok, at ikaw ay matanghal,
hiniñga'y malagot, mabuhay ka lamang
bangkay ko'y masilong sa iyong Kalañgitan.
Kung sa libiñgang ko'y tumubong mamalas
sa malagong damo mahinhing bulaklak,
sa mañga labi mo'y mangyaring ílapat,
sa kaluluwa ko halik ay igawad.
At sa aking noo nawa'y iparamdam,
sa lamig ñg lupa ñg aking libiñgan,
ang init ñg iyong pag hiñgang dalisay
at simoy ñg iyong pag giliw na tunay.
Bayaang ang buwan sa aki'y ititig
ang liwanag niyang lamlám at tahimik,
liwayway bayaang sa aki'y ihatid
magalaw na sinag at hañging hagibis.
Kung sakasakaling bumabang humantong
sa cruz ko'y dumapo kahi't isang ibon
doon ay bayan humuning hinahon
at dalitin niya payapang panahon.
Bayaan ang niñgas ñg sikat ñg araw
ula'y pasiñgawin noong kainitan,
magbalik sa lañgit ñg boong dalisay
kalakip ñg aking pagdaing na hiyaw.
Bayaang sino man sa katotong giliw
tañgisang maagang sa buhay pagkitil:
kung tungkol sa akin ay may manalañgin
idalañgin Báyan yaring pagka himbing.
Idalañging lahat yaong nañgamatay,
nañgagtiis hirap na walang kapantay;
m̃ga iná naming walang kapalaran
na inahihibik ay kapighatian.
Ang m̃ga bao't pinapañgulila,
ang m̃ga bilangong nagsisipag dusa:
dalañginin namang kanilang mákita
ang kalayaan mong, ikagiginhawa.
At kung ang madilim na gabing mapanglaw
ay lumaganap na doon sa libiñgan't,
tañging m̃ga patay ang nañgag lalamay,
huwag bagabagin ang katahimikan.
Ang kanyang hiwaga'y huwag gambalain:
kaipala'y mariñgig doon ang taginting,
tunog ñg gitara't salterio'y mag saliw,
ako. Báyan, yao't, kita'y aawitin.
Kung ang libiñgan ko'y limót na ñg lahat
at wala ñg kruz at batóng mábakas,
bayang lina~gin ñg taong masipag,
lupa'y asarolin at kanyang ikalat.
At m̃ga buto ko ay bago matunaw
máowi sa wala at kusang maparam,
alabók ñg iyong latag ay bayaang
siya ang babalang doo'y makipisan.
Kung magka gayon na'y aalintanahin
na ako sa limot iyong ihabilin
pagka't himpapawid at ang pañganorin
m̃ga lansañgan mo'y aking lilibutin.
Matining na tunóg ako sa diñgig mo,
ilaw, m̃ga kulay, masamyong pabañgó,
ang úgong at awit, pag hibik sa iyo,
pag asang dalisay ñg pananalig ko.
Báyang iniirog, sákit niyaring hirap,
Katagalugang kong pinakaliliyag,
dingin mo ang aking pagpapahimakas:
diya'y iiwan ko sa iyo ang lahat.
Ako'y patutuñgo sa walang busabos,
walang umiinis at verdugong hayop:
pananalig doo'y di nakasasalot,
si Bathala lamang doo'y haring lubos.
Paalam, magulang at m̃ga kapatid
kapilas ñg aking kaluluwa't dibdib
m̃ga kaibigan bata pang maliit
sa aking tahanan di na masisilip.
Pag pasalamatan at napahiñga rin,
paalam estrañgerang kasuyo ko't aliw.
paalam sa inyo m̃ga ginigiliw:
¡mamatay ay siyang pagkagupiling!
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